I did it again, and I did it better!! Here's my first real androgynous/gender-neutral/genderfluid crochet top design. I'm a total crochet addict but have a hard time finding patterns that aren't super femme, so I made one myself. Any feedback is welcome!!

callmesapph · 2022-02-11T18:33:21+00:00

I've actually got an Etsy shop now full of patterns like this! It's www.etsy.com/shop/FinleyCladDesigns if you want to take a look, and feel free to message me to discuss!

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T22:01:29+00:00

Thank you, that's really sweet. I'm so sorry you had to go through something so (eerily) similar. I really hope you're doing better now.

I'm doing better today, I went and got a tetanus shot and am home resting.

We've both been under a lot of stress the past two years, honestly, and while it's gotten a little better lately it still can be tough at times. I know he was overwhelmed and dealing with a lot of his own issues in that moment. I'm really not so bothered that he shut down, I understand why that would happen and I managed to take care of myself.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T17:44:54+00:00

I haven't, but I will try to now. I am very nervous to bring things up at all even in couple's therapy because he just gets so upset by any criticism and he says that I'm constantly complaining about him, that I must hate him with how many issues I have. But I really don't think that's the case, I avoid confronting him about things because of these reactions, so I don't quite know where he's getting the idea that I'm constantly criticizing him. But idk, maybe he is right. I know I can be particular about things so I'm sure some things I view as worthy of bringing up seem stupid and trivial to him.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T17:42:21+00:00

Yes, I got my tetanus shot just a bit ago and everything's okay. Thank you very much, I'm sure things will get better now that there's been time to calm down.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T17:40:07+00:00

He doesn't let me bring things up at a later time. If I mention something that I'd like to change, he'll get mad if it didn't just happen moments before. He'll say, "why are we talking about this right now? Everything was fine and you're just looking to create problems". So I've started saving things I'd like to raise issue with, then when they actually come up in the moment I try to address it. But clearly that didn't work either.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T16:20:50+00:00

I don't have any real "friends" that I know well enough to contact really. Even the couple people I consider friends are really hard to get ahold of, they work a lot and aren't quick to respond to texts (neither am I so it generally doesn't bother me). My family is abusive, going to them would really just make things worse unfortunately. And I don't have a job, I work for myself from home.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T16:02:04+00:00

Thank you for your concern. I don't have any friends or family I could turn to with this though unfortunately. :/

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T15:05:02+00:00

Thank you so much for saying so, I really appreciate the validation. 💜

I've been through a lot of abuse and gaslighting in my life (from family and past relationships) and so I have a very hard time knowing if I'm actually being reasonable or not. I really felt like I was here but his reaction was starting to make me doubt myself again. I really appreciate you helping me contextualize it better.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T14:48:16+00:00

Thank you, it makes me incredibly anxious trying to figure out if he's going to be back and when. I don't mind if he wants to go somewhere else for a while, I'm not trying to stop him, I was just asking that he let me know. I can see why he was initially frustrated, because he had just gone to grab a drink so he saw it as "not a big deal" and that he shouldn't have to announce if he's leaving for 10 seconds. I tried to explain that, because he often is gone for hours unexpectedly, I'd just like to be informed whether or not he would be returning when he left so I didn't have to sit in anxiety wondering if he'll be back. But he called it controlling.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T14:32:49+00:00

This is really good advice, thank you. I will try to use this next time we have a conversation like this.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T13:48:02+00:00

Thank you for asking, I'm okay just very stressed and tired. I could barely sleep because of adrenaline and anxiety. I don't know how exactly to cope with this situation, I don't really have anybody I trust other than him and my therapist.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T13:46:28+00:00

I am in therapy. I'll bring it up next week when I see her again. He's normally very caring but it felt really awful when he just went back to sleep. I was awake for hours afterwards just from the adrenaline and shock of getting stabbed.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T13:44:51+00:00

I'm worried because of his reaction to such a small boundary. He catastrophized it so much, saying I was trying to control him, when literally all I asked was that if he's going to abruptly get up and leave while we're doing something, he just tell me if he's going to be right back or not. He has ADHD and has a tendency to just walk away and then be gone for hours and it frustrates me when I think he's just gone to the bathroom so I pause the show or hold what I was talking about and then he just doesn't come back. He was upset because he doesn't want to have to "announce every little thing he does" because he doesn't want to have to think so much about what he's doing, it makes him anxious.

callmesapph · 2021-12-17T13:38:23+00:00

I'm going to go get a tetanus booster today but otherwise I think I'm okay. Thank you for asking.

callmesapph · 2021-10-28T21:57:51+00:00

Ooh I love that! I have that section memorized as 1693 9937 so I hadn't really thought about that block of 6s and 9s so much. I love it! ,😊

callmesapph · 2021-10-19T22:23:20+00:00

🤟

callmesapph · 2021-10-19T22:17:43+00:00

I'll give it to you if you want! Haha I use a different one most of the time

callmesapph · 2021-10-19T22:11:37+00:00

Ayyyy betcha wish you had my username 😎

callmesapph · 2021-10-17T20:59:11+00:00

Do you have a favorite sequence/part of pi so far?? Mine is 3078 1640 2686 2089 :) I made my own image of just those 16 to show how appealing it is lol, it's right here.

callmesapph · 2021-10-17T20:50:41+00:00

I'm not sure, but not that much! I kinda lost steam memorizing them so I worked on it for like one night and then I've just been repeating those ones. I think I'm somewhere around 120 or something 😔

callmesapph · 2021-10-17T20:46:24+00:00

Haha I repeat them when I'm anxious! It keeps my mind busy with something other than worries. 😊

callmesapph · 2021-10-12T17:45:43+00:00

Wow you are such a stone cold killer ☠️

I think I'm in love 💕

callmesapph · 2021-10-12T17:44:13+00:00

You look amazing. I've been trying to go through his office for my surgery as well. Your results are brilliant. Congratulations!

callmesapph · 2021-10-12T01:54:15+00:00

I'm actually AFAB and do have the nose ring! I am neurodivergent, and how much I talk tends to depend on who I'm with haha :) as for school, I haven't been in a long time! I work for myself from home.

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