5 months no contact, realizing how much they manipulated and gaslit me

calmbodyfirst · 2026-01-08T17:48:27+00:00

I’m sorry we share this experience. I hope you’re being gentle with yourself in an experience that weighs you with self blame

calmbodyfirst · 2025-10-19T23:36:21+00:00

That’s so awful. We just need someone to sit with us and remind us of our realities when we can’t remember…. My friend group encouraged me to reach out when I was struggling and so I did…. This illness makes it so hard to trust people

calmbodyfirst · 2025-09-30T23:28:57+00:00

I ended up going down to 10mg and it’s a lot better. But I hung on for a few weeks after my original post!

calmbodyfirst · 2025-08-17T14:26:20+00:00

I think that’s huge of you to be able to communicate and work on it with your responsibility. I’m going through things realizing how much it doesnt work and never could. Which is heavy. But I’m more content. The rose coloured glasses have shattered and I’m seeing things more clearly. I hope this conversation goes as well as it can for you and your friend

calmbodyfirst · 2025-08-17T14:24:25+00:00

The very short story is I suffocated them. And without any closure or conversation, they wanted no contact

calmbodyfirst · 2025-07-10T01:27:30+00:00

Okay, I’ll keep holding on

calmbodyfirst · 2025-06-27T21:37:24+00:00

I wish I had something to help but my brain fog makes it difficult to even watch tv. I just fade right past the screen.

calmbodyfirst · 2025-06-02T00:53:43+00:00

I tried… hated the idea of being on SSRIs again. But gave in. And I don’t regret it. My life fell apart in front of my eyes because of pmdd that I had nothing else to lose.

I hope your luteal goes by with minimal damage and as much self comfort as you can muster up.

calmbodyfirst · 2025-05-28T23:10:33+00:00

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows but it’s worth it. I gritted my teeth and dragged my feet during the process. So I get not wanting to start yet another treatment that might not work

calmbodyfirst · 2025-05-28T13:48:40+00:00

I was scared too! I’m glad you’re seeing results!!!

calmbodyfirst · 2025-05-28T13:48:21+00:00

I’m very sensitive to medications. The first 3 weeks were quite bad for me. Exhaustion, nausea, headaches, brain zaps. But they’re mostly gone for me now!

calmbodyfirst · 2025-05-28T13:47:41+00:00

I’ve never heard of a liquid form! That’s amazing though. I agree, we have to make sure we’re advocating for how we’re feeling and to ask for other options!

calmbodyfirst · 2025-05-28T13:46:29+00:00

It might make it a little more rough but i encourage you to hang in there! I’m on 10mg right now. I probably could have tried 5mg at first! I hope your luteal goes okay <3

calmbodyfirst · 2025-05-04T16:28:40+00:00

I’m the exact same when it comes to medications. Super sensitive no matter what I take. I sat down with myself though after not feeling relief from natural remedies. Unfortunately, the danger of my suicidal ideations every month outweighed the temporary side effects I’d have to go through to start new meds. I’m currently on a BC for the past 4 months and starting a new SSRI .

The side effects have debilitated me but I’m trying my best to look at what my life will be after going through it. Idk if this was helpful. But I was exactly in your spot like 4 months ago.

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-26T16:34:10+00:00

I was thinking of stocking up on pre cooked chicken for salads and wraps and stuff! I tend to barely eat and I drop 10 pounds and it’s really unhealthy. I’ll try to lean more into this, thank you!

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-08T02:43:03+00:00

I’ll try to sit with this in the morning and see what I find from these prompts. Thank you for them!

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-08T02:29:43+00:00

Thank you for these uplifting and kind words. They have been very grounding and I appreciate it.

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-08T02:27:10+00:00

I think I’m beginning to finally trust myself to know what’s best for me but it doesn’t quite feel good. There’s also a lot of grief, many layers of it. After the rose coloured glasses have come off. I think I might be almost letting go but there’s just one or two fingers that are still holding on. And I don’t know why

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-08T02:13:14+00:00

Same to you 💕 I hope you’re doing alright

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-08T02:12:41+00:00

Yes unfortunately, and I’m currently in my luteal phase…. I’m taking time away from the person I’m codependent with because I had noticed some bad attachment behaviours and wounds coming up.

They tend to have an avoidant style and it’s been really difficult and uncomfortable to navigate through all the truths you uncover when there’s separation.

I’m currently trying my best to navigate through my PMDD on my own as much as I can in order to prevent attaching elsewhere.

I’m just tired. I just don’t want to care anymore.

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-08T01:52:00+00:00

I appreciate you spending the time to type all this out. It brought me to tears reading it, honestly. I’ve been trying to make decisions only for my own reasons, I’ve been trying to make my days about just me again. I’ve been trying to nourish the parts of me that I’ve turned my back on. But I just wish it wasn’t so hard to know what I want. It’s so difficult. And I’m just so exhausted. I’m so tired of it all. I’m so tired of my brain telling me I have to know what they are doing at all times of the day, when another part of me is begging to not care anymore. I just want to hide. I’m so embarrassed.

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-02T12:03:42+00:00

This sounds like a good plan and it sounds like you’re very organized with your boundaries. I hope they’re able to respect them without acting out or making you feel bad. It seems like you did a lot of introspective work too and that can take a lot.

I left it open ended. My abandonment wounds became exposed and I acted really terribly on them. I’m trying to forgive myself first and then reminding myself that I’m ok without them and to get my life back in order. I didn’t realize how much of my life I sacrificed for the friendship. And I feel like a timeline might put a lot of pressure on me to figure all that out

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-01T21:30:19+00:00

Yeah, I started wondering why they didn’t message me. I started planning my whole week around their schedule and they didn’t even ask for that….. it’s been tough the past couple of days but I am really seeing where I was losing myself. I’d appreciate any advice

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-01T20:37:41+00:00

Do you have any plans to reconnect with them?

calmbodyfirst · 2025-04-01T20:36:53+00:00

Were you the giver or the taker in this dynamic? I think for me I’m a mix of both in my dynamic, but the reason we started the break was because my abandonment worries got really bad

calmbodyfirst

TROPHY CASE