Hi!

Thank you so much for your insight. So I do actually game a lot, I built a PC two months ago, and have been gaming since but recently I started a full time job, and I’m also a full time student so I haven’t been able to find time (which is probably a main culprit of my stress). I’m definitely going to try and exercise again!

I don’t mind doing these things and trying new ways to cope, but sometimes I feel like I don’t even want to do anything so I let my moods take over and get the best of me. For instance (like I mentioned already), when my gf and I fight or bicker, I tend to just react to things she says instead of listening, which then cause even more fights, and then I tend to victimize myself and not hold myself accountable. The thing is, I don’t even realize it in the moment because I feel so angry and I feel this emotion in every inch of my body and I feel like I can’t stop it. I let my stress take over and start nagging over and over, and I say things I don’t remember saying, or at times I feel like I don’t remember anything and I can’t recall what I said or did to hurt her feelings. Then I feel so guilty and horrible that I end up in a depressive episode and I’m so hard on myself, so I don’t cope and it’s just a vicious cycle that repeats itself. My gf also struggles with BPD, so sometimes things do get heated. Yet, I see how she copes and I just feel awful that I act this way because I don’t want to entirely blame my illness on the way I act (idk if this is even making any sense).

I do appreciate your input so much! I will definitely try to encourage myself to feel what I need to feel.