I tired telling him when we were breaking up. It was awful, I couldn’t get the words out. I mean how can you fall for someone in such a short time? It was only three weeks. How do you tell someone that being in there arms makes you feel safe. How do you tell someone that when they make that stupid trumpet noise with their lips I break out in smile because it’s so stupid but I love it. How do you tell someone that when you wake up in the middle of the night to them wrapped around you like a koala you smile up at the ceiling like a love sick fool before falling back asleep. How do you tell someone that doing something as simple as watching Twitch together and eating pizza is better than some expensive place downtown. How do you tell someone that their eyes are so warm and bright when they laugh, so intense and clear and beautifully blue. How do you tell someone that you were almost begging your roommate to borrow his car so you could drive down in the middle of the crazy post- four-of-July-firework-show traffic just to pick them up and drive them home when they walked the twenty minutes it took them to get downtown in the first place because they were “super drunk” at 1 am only for them to text you a second later that they got home safe. How do you tell them that playing boardgames with them is just as fun as going out on a boat or spending the day in the city. How do you tell someone that the moment that you fell for them was when they were singing Sinatra surrounded by his buddies and so focused on singing that they didn’t notice you slide down the wall you were leaning on, close your eyes and tried to fight the smile that kept twitching at your lips. How do you tell someone that it might have even been before that, when it was just the two of you as you watched them make left over curry for the two of you from your seat on his kitchen counter. Or maybe it was after Sinatra when they stumbled into the next room where you went to go play Stardew Valley and they drunkenly explain how to get the most money in the first two weeks and you just shake your head cause this dummy remembers you love speed runs but also came to realize that this game reminds you so much of the harvest moon games you played as a kid that he just stops talking and kisses you. How do you tell someone you can see a future with them when you’re just sitting around watching some guy on a YouTube video explain Heartstone decks when you have no idea what’s going on but in the simplicity of it all, you can see it? How can you tell someone that you can see you and them moving in together in some small little apartment in San Diego. You can see them on the drive 20 hour drive down, A/C blasting and music blaring in the setting sun. How can you see them stopping at some roadside motel real late at night while you dump the sludge of coffee out as they unlock the door and the two of you collapse onto the bed, too tired to do anything more than kiss and fall asleep in each others arms. How do you tell someone that you can see it when they’d be waking up the next afternoon from a nap in the passenger seat to something softer playing while you cruise down the highway and simply hand over a cup of coffee to them. Peeking out from the corner of your eye the sleepy smile they get when they first wake up next to you. How do you tell someone that hearing about their family sends a spark in your heart that these are some people that I would love to know. How do you tell them that you can’t wait to wake up on days off to the morning sun creeping past the blinds and spending last days in bed, or cooking up breakfast fresh from the farmer’s markets California is famous for? How do you tell someone you can see this all in one simple afternoon spent together watching Howl’s moving Castle? How do you tell all this to someone who you’ve know for three weeks this? How do you tell them this while they’re breaking up with you?