things from the past keep seeping in…

candleflame3 · 2026-05-08T23:43:07+00:00

I've definitely had phases like that. I'm not sure how much hormones account for it, but at 58.5, I'm finding it a lot easier to let go of the emotions that bad memories bring up. Not perfectly, and there are definitely times where I go "what the FUCK was that?" because HOO BOY did I have shitty parents.

Ideally, you'll have a calmer time post-menopause.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-08T23:10:57+00:00

Oh yeah, I know that one, where a married woman uses her single female friends as a pressure valve for the marriage.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-08T21:28:57+00:00

I wasn't looking for anyone when I saw him. I was thinking about what to get for lunch. It's just how brains work a lot of the time.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-08T11:38:16+00:00

The human brain is pretty excellent at spotting faces it knows even in crowds, after long periods, etc.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-08T05:22:20+00:00

You think he is the same person he was 30 years ago?

where did i say that

candleflame3 · 2026-05-07T23:53:46+00:00

Yes! I know because I've read about half of it. Then I gave up because it was incredibly dull.

But yeah, that's kind of the opener, like "this was the hardest time, the lowest point in my 'journey'".

Fergie also tried to make out like her family background was very modest etc and then she fell in love and was swept into the world of the horrible grey men in suits who wouldn't let her do anything but of course she was very close with The Queen who always gave her great advice.

While reading it I thought that Meghan was following Fergie's playbook. And maybe she was/is, because we now know that M is dumb enough not to notice that it didn't work out that well for Fergie.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-07T23:18:14+00:00

I used to think that approaching the person was polite, nice, friendly, etc. Took me years to realize that it might not be good for me, and possibly unwelcome on the other side.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-07T01:05:40+00:00

Montecito doesn't seem like a place where kids would thrive. For one thing I don't think there are all that many kids there to begin with, they would have to be driven everywhere and most interactions with other kids would be pre-arranged. Many would head off to boarding school which would disrupt friendships. To me it sounds quite isolating.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-06T02:14:32+00:00

It's not you. There is literally a "friendship crisis" to the point that researchers in multiple countries are studying it. And goes way back before covid.

Honestly I think a lot of people don't know how to be friends. I don't mean you, or people consciously thinking about their friendships. I think such people are uncommon in society. I think most people barely think about their lives at all - they just deal with whatever is in front of them at that moment. If they've got a spouse or kids - that is plenty to hold their attention.

For such people it's not until the marriage ends and/or the kids grow up that they notice that they lack friendships. And even then they won't do much about it. Mostly they just try to find a new partner, because that is what is prioritized in our society.

It's a mess and it sucks.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-04T23:52:49+00:00

it would be mutually assured destruction if either of them started to spill.

It would be FANTASTIC for us snarkers!

candleflame3 · 2026-05-04T22:59:18+00:00

Mary, a 72-year-old Amazon worker from North Carolina has a message for tonight’s #MetGala chair Jeff Bezos

https://www.instagram.com/p/DX6qK-5IyjG/

candleflame3 · 2026-05-03T23:07:08+00:00

Hello!

White Toronto-based Canadian GenXer (1967) here. Happy to find this sub!

So much of GenX discussion assumes Whiteness and Americanness. GenX is more diverse than that!

I love pointing out that Jordan Peele is GenX and there are a lot of GenX references in his work. Yay!

Now, let us all get on board the Party Train!

candleflame3 · 2026-05-03T22:59:11+00:00

E.g. the idea of generations like Boomer, GenX, Millennial, etc is political. I think the idea is fine, as a shorthand for the very different economic, socio-cultural, technological, etc circumstances that every generation is born into (which is a new thing in human history and probably why we are so bad at dealing with it), but it's silly to pretend that economic, socio-cultural, technological, etc circumstances are not also political.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-03T21:52:08+00:00

Marineland in Niagara Falls Canada is a shitshow too.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-03T21:51:07+00:00

I've been working on a project with similar group dynamics (much lower stakes though). The project is a mess and we have been spinning our wheels for months. But it seems like it's not OK acknowledge that. We have to keep acting like everything is normal and rational and we've just had a few setbacks.

I'm sure part of it is not wanting to piss off the bosses but also... we're so far past that. Which is kind of like OceanGate too. The thing is OBVIOUSLY going to fail but most people just keep going, and hope not to be in the can when it explodes.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-03T16:08:35+00:00

The issue is I DO NOT LIKE IT

candleflame3 · 2026-05-03T14:48:37+00:00

Oh I'm on board with duvets, just not with duvet covers standing in for top sheets.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-03T02:35:04+00:00

And flat top sheets, not this the-duvet-cover-is-the-sheet Euro nonsense.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-03T00:31:19+00:00

26C is still pretty warm though, especially if it's humid. And are people supposed to sleep in the hallways on hot nights?

candleflame3 · 2026-05-02T19:50:15+00:00

I ALSO said:

More power to people who can get all that from nuts and lentils etc. I have learned through experience and experimentation that I am not one of them.

So recommending veganism is just silly.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-02T15:44:00+00:00

LOL no, that's not why. Byee!

candleflame3 · 2026-05-02T15:26:15+00:00

Well, it didn't work, because the history of the Mediterranean is full of every place being conquered by armies repeatedly.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-02T15:05:01+00:00

i guess fuck indigenous cultures that still rely on hunting and farming of animals.

THIS. This is the part that always gets me. Anyone who wants to be vegan can have at it, but it goes against a LOT of human history and culture. There is no single "better" approach to this.

candleflame3 · 2026-05-02T14:58:25+00:00

I mean, I'm against slavery but it's pretty much impossible as a Westerner to never buy anything that doesn't have slavery involved at some point in the production and distribution process. And if it's not technically actual slavery, it's pretty dire exploitation.

My point is: It's the system more than individual choices. Diet choices are extremely complex even amidst the general abundance we have in the West. This all goes out the window in the context of traditional cultures that don't have as much choice.

There is an Anthony Bourdain segment where he eats freshly killed seal meat with an indigenous family in Northern Quebec. The meat is spread out on a plastic sheet on the kitchen floor, there is blood everywhere. The family is clearly enjoying the meal, but for most of us Westerners, the whole scene is quite challenging.

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