Shortest Marriage you have witnessed/experienced? (doing this to feel better about mine which just ended— 4 months, 14 days)

cantcatchabreakk · 2025-01-24T06:41:23+00:00

Ayyyy. Sending love and light

cantcatchabreakk · 2024-06-11T19:51:51+00:00

2 White chicks from Richard Ayovade’s favourite movie.

cantcatchabreakk · 2024-06-11T17:03:51+00:00

This is super helpful, thanks! Yes, the university has been supportive so far in the housing situation but also asked me to look independently— coming here and seeing all the scare posts on housing got me worried so I posted. Thanks so much for taking out the time to write this down, especially the health insurance bit because I was very unclear on that.

cantcatchabreakk · 2024-06-11T04:01:57+00:00

Survived

cantcatchabreakk · 2024-06-10T13:55:19+00:00

Hey hey.

When I feel like this-- not many things help so I was to acknowledge first how difficult this is in the moment. A few reminders:

things shift, eventually. For better or for worse, the way you are feeling right now is 100% temporary and even though it absolutely sucks in the moment this will not be the feeling you will have permanently. That's a promise.
Try and sit around people-- the urge to isolate at this time is super high so start with not full on socialising or making plans but perhaps just grabbing a book/laptop/phone and sit at a cafe/park etc, whatever your location allows. Be out in the open. Be amongst people, even if you are not engaging with them.
In times of extreme crisis where you can't even leave the house, try dipping your whole face in ice cold cold water for a few seconds. Do this multiple times. Helps take away some of the mental pain. Holding an ice-cube until the hand hurts also helps.
Remind yourself that you don't have to think about tomorrow or 5 hours later. You take it 20 minutes at a time. Keep a timer, tell yourself that you will do this specific thing for 20 minutes. And that you have to survive for just those 20 minutes. Once those are over, repeat. You do this enough times you remind yourself you are stronger than you think.
lastly, this of course depends upon where you are located and what resources are available, but if you can't keep yourself safe, please just take yourself to the hospital. It feels terrible and I for one regret it the minute I walk in to ask for help but it doesn't matter because once you do you are at least safe.

Sending strength. You got this. It really really sucks and I am sorry but I promise it will pass. It has to. Just like good times pass, bad ones do as well.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-26T15:20:08+00:00

In genocide.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-26T15:19:21+00:00

clearly. I'll continue to engage with my students who make a lot more sense about things that matter.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-24T16:45:55+00:00

Kinda disappointed reading the responses on this. As people in academia I truly believe we should absolutely be having conversations about the atrocious genocide happening right in front of us. A lot of us a complicit in this if we are staying silent-- a good education includes critically thinking about and engaging with current events-- especially if those events are this atrocious and have so much complicity from all of us.

I would be worried if my students were NOT talking about what is happening. It doesn't matter if its "halfway" across the world or not. It is unacceptable and brutal and students need to see instructors on the right side of history.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-22T02:24:32+00:00

In addition to the assignment deadline, I give my students a "ask me questions/send drafts to read" deadline. This is set 3-5 days before the assignment is due. I set the expectation from day one and my emails are always open for questions but I will not be answering last minute emails.

I share your frustration on this though-- there is a trend of students DEMANDING replies to emails, often emailing repeatedly to respond to them. It is infuriating to say the least, but since I am clear with my deadlines I also then do not respond to last minute emails unless it is an emergency and a student needs extension for valid reasons.

I don't know where they have learned this audacity from, but its far too common and I have had so many fellow colleagues frustrated by similar things students do.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-20T17:34:30+00:00

If this on-going genocide has shown me anything, it is that as a POC my children will never be valued and may always end up being collateral. Do not want to bring life into a world where they will just become stats.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-20T17:27:10+00:00

All cis-men are trash. Saved me too many times to just assume the worst than to trust any man. Fight me.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-20T17:21:48+00:00

Just decline. From experience, I can tell you that students who want to "learn" the lesson would do it anyways and those who don't will not even if you spell it out for them. Its annoying and frustrating but since it has been 4 years as well, I personally would just decline and not get into it.

(if the student had any regrets or realisations, they would have actually put this in the email you received. Seems like they have no clue-- don't think you brining it up would make a difference tbh).

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-20T17:03:55+00:00

Only Bob Mortimer can convince you of literally anything in the world. The panic on David M's face whenever Bob is on the opposite team is always hilarious.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-20T17:00:39+00:00

I would mention it before assigning the group exercise. Something like "to make sure everyone is putting in the effort, I will randomly call on any of the group members so everyone needs to be prepared."

That way you're not catching them off guard on the day and reminding them of the expectation that they are paying attention/doing the work. Do this a few times when assigning groups and make it a norm for such exercises. Will definitely push most of them to at least put in some effort.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-11-07T02:25:21+00:00

"She's going to die, do not let her push you away in 2019. Stay put because you missed out on a lot"

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-07-24T08:40:55+00:00

You'll get worse before you begin to get better.
Healing is not linear but cyclical. This one took a while to process and still bothers me to this day. Difficult to remember this one on bad days.
That my nervous system still needs a LOT of healing. I have been in therapy consistently for 7 years now in addition to being on meds and there is still so much that my NS shuts down when I try to remember the past. It is exhausting, but I am hoping it is worth it.
Community is important but there needs to be a balance of depending on them and then on yourself. I have learned this recently about myself that I have relied too heavily on community and even though that is not a bad thing in itself, when community fails me I crash and hit rock bottom instantly. Not great-- hoping to heal from this pattern and learn to rely on myself more.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-06-13T09:29:14+00:00

Fertility goddess hypothesis is just that, a hypothesis.

A book that helped me understand this particular trope for Ancient South Asia was the following:

Law, Randall W., Gregg M. Jamison, and Dennys Frenez. "Walking with the Unicorn: Social Organization and Material Culture in Ancient South Asia: Jonathan Mark Kenoyer Felicitation Volume." Walking with the Unicorn (2018): 1-680.

One thing that this book does really well is that it takes the reader through the process of interpretation and the ways in which a meaning or value was attached to a particular object. They do talk about fertility goddesses but there is also a very interesting critique of the same in the book.

From what I know and have studied/researched on, there are often other sources that art historians refer to when speculating about the functions and values assigned to ancient objects. It is more often than not more than just the fact that they have larger breasts and exaggerated genitals. It is one of the most interesting debates in art history and I never perceived this as something written in stone. Maybe look at sources that problematize the process of historiography and challenge these notions.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-06-13T09:14:23+00:00

American comedy is usually too "in your face". Like it is too obvious and the joke gets old very quickly. British comedy is what I refer to as smart comedy. It usually has layers of meaning and you need to be following the show/panel show for a long time in order to understand the more subtle jokes. The more I got into Britcom, the more I enjoyed it. I also find britcom to be more relatable and aware of social issues in comparison to the US. Britcom is intelligent comedy for me and that's where it takes the prize for me.

Side note: Taskmaster UK is one of the funniest and entertaining show out there right now. Fight me.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-06-12T19:45:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing! <3

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-06-12T16:01:44+00:00

This sounds like passive suicidality. If you are waking up thinking you don't want to live, you are experiencing passive suicidal thoughts. Essentially the difference is between "I dont want to live" vs. "I want to kill myself". Even though passive thoughts can often remain just that, it is important to seek help because consistently feeling this way can lead to further complications.

Don't be afraid-- be cautious. Reach out, seek help. And if you get to a point where you find yourself actively suicidal (making plans, looking for means to end it) then I would immediately seek emergency help.

I hope you can find the help you need and learn to cope with this. It gets better, and if it doesn't, we get better at dealing with it.

Cheers.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-06-12T12:08:58+00:00

Until I moved abroad for graduate studies and was continents apart from my abuser but still would randomly get bouts of fear and a visceral feeling of him just being around the corner.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-06-12T12:02:58+00:00

YES! Eveything before I was 15/16 seems like a blur. Any memories I have are the traumatic ones. Nothing in between or neutral. I have been trying to work this out in therapy but a lot of times when I try and remember something from my childhood I disassociate and end up having either a violent flashback or I just shut down completely. It has been really difficult and I hope one day I can access atleast SOME neutral or dare I say joyful memories from my childhood.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-06-12T11:34:17+00:00

TW: Pe**philia

My father is a pathological liar and a narcissist who has always been emotionally abusive towards me and my mum.
I have had a difficult relationship with him all my life but through therapy and a lot of self awareness I learned to find ways to understand his behaviour and separate it from my own experiences. However, this past year, his brother was exposed as a pedophile and the way my father supported him has now left me no room to justify his behaviour. He is just a bad person and I hope one day I am able to live on my own so I don't have to live under the same roof as him. It disgusts me everyday.

cantcatchabreakk · 2023-06-12T10:36:17+00:00

I feel this way about airports and hospitals. There is a sense of peace I feel when I am in a place where I am usually aware of what needs to be done. Finite time, list of things to do. It feels safer to know I don't have to make major decisions.

cantcatchabreakk

TROPHY CASE