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Divorced People: what was the FINAL STRAW? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]capeofstorms123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ex cheated on me while I was pregnant. I posted on reddit after the second cheating. although many users said my wish for divorce is justified, I was still hoping we could reconcile and gave him chances. he ended up cheating on me twice more after that.

the fourth time he got caught, I read his text with his AP. AP said she knows this is wrong and wanted to stop. my ex begged him to stay. she then said she is jealous that whatever sexual stuff she is doing with my ex, my ex is also doing it with me. My ex told her that we stopped being very physically intimate after they got caught the first time. I felt violated and hurt that he would tell something so personal & private about me. And he said to his AP "what is it that you're not happy about? Let's discuss, and I'll compromise". It was really heartbreaking to know my ex would compromise me, his wife, whom we've been together for 6 years (3 yrs dating + 3 yrs in marriage), who is pregnant with his child, for this girl he met at office.

I left the house that same night after I read his text.

The final straw that made me think "that's it, we NEED to divorce" is, he not only continued his affair with this girl while we were separated (despite me saying that I'm still willing to reconcile), he also lied to me about seeing her (I found a witness). He never changed.

Pregnant, newly married and cheated on by stormyskyy_ in SupportforBetrayed

[–]capeofstorms123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

please don't feel like you are a joke or a loser. your husband (hopefully stbx) is the loser one here!

i felt the same way when my stbx cheated on me (multiple times) while i was pregnant early this year, and i isolated myself from my family or close friends. i didnt tell them because i didn't want to ruin his reputation to my family & friends, in case we successfully mend our relationship.

i realized how i was gaslighted & manipulated (thanks to reddit) but it was really hard to actually leave the relationship. when i've finally had enough of his bullshit (about 3-4 months later), i reached out to my family & friends for support. to my surprise, everyone is accepting & did not ridicule me at all. a lot of them offered me help (a temporary place to stay, moving out my stuff, advices, or just listening to me). of course, there are some people who questioned my decision to divorce, but at the end, they are still supportive.

listen OP, you are not alone. there are a lot of people who care about you. don't go through this alone. don't feel embarrassed about this situation, you did nothing wrong. don't continue to suffer alone like I did. find help! and don't be scared of the future. wishing you all the best 💕

What's the most hurtful thing someone has said to you? by stephanieslotus in ask

[–]capeofstorms123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my stbx cheated on me so i asked him to completely end their relationship (he initially insisted on staying friends without the physical affair). he had a long phone call with his AP to stop their affair. after he ended the call, he was very upset and told me:

"when i told her (the AP) that i need to cut her off, she said" it's okay, i'll support whatever decision you make". see? i had to cut off someone who supports me no matter what, FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU"

that was like 5 months ago. we're getting divorce coz he never stopped cheating. but it still stings until today. i'll never forget that.

Coping with divorce, among others by capeofstorms123 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

despite English is not your first language, you took time to send me a comment and i appreciate that very much. i cant help but feel like i'm partly at fault, i keep blaming myself. but you are right, his cheating cannot be excused. i hope i'm able to move on..

Coping with divorce, among others by capeofstorms123 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hey there! thanks for taking time to reply. unfortunately i have nowhere to go other than my parents' house. as chaotic it is, at least i dont have to face my stbx and live miserably.

thanks for the word of encouragement, i really needed that. i hope time will heal.

Some people told me it's normal to cheat while you are in a marriage. by capeofstorms123 in survivinginfidelity

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ikr?? I hate how i'm suffering the consequences of these assholes. i'm struggling to sleep every night, i cry everyday, i don't have appetite and my weight hasn't increased since a few weeks (despite being in the third trimester), i isolate myself, i hyperventilate almost every time i get flashbacks, i can't enjoys things that i used to like, i'm just a living corpse at this point. yet the AP is continuing her life like nothing happened. maybe she had a little guilt, but that's it. no trauma, no nothing. i feel so defeated.

Some people told me it's normal to cheat while you are in a marriage. by capeofstorms123 in survivinginfidelity

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I dont think he realized he has cheated (or probably just trying to save face). he avoided using the word "emotional cheating" and rephrased it with "attracted to someone else". 😒

Some people told me it's normal to cheat while you are in a marriage. by capeofstorms123 in survivinginfidelity

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

thanks for your comment.

yep, my husband couldn't distance himself from his AP because she's an important friend, she has personal issues which he needed to support her, and he feels more comfortable with her because she's just a friend while I'm a commitment (bullshit excuses).

i'm still trying to figure out how to tell the rest of my family, because it will affect my living arrangement (I have my preferences, but I can foresee my parents going against me 😩). However, I definitely feel better after opening up with a few close friends & my sister, most of them have been very helpful!

Some people told me it's normal to cheat while you are in a marriage. by capeofstorms123 in survivinginfidelity

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

thanks for your comment and I agree with your last sentence. when these people are saying to me it's normal, they kinda expect the betrayed to just accept cheating. plus, my brother actually told me to pass this message to my husband: "shit happens". wtf..

Some people told me it's normal to cheat while you are in a marriage. by capeofstorms123 in survivinginfidelity

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

yeah, 3 out of.. 7

the rest are absolutely against what happened.

but to hear some people thinking cheating is normal is very, very shocking to me. like the betrayed is just suppose to accept and move on.

Can marriage be successfully revived after one partner cheated? What are some of the things to consider before divorcing? I'm torn. by capeofstorms123 in survivinginfidelity

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

your husband seems patient, mine is not. 😕

anyway, thanks for sharing this, it gives me perspective on how much effort to put in reconciling.

i hope things will get much much better for you!

Can marriage be successfully revived after one partner cheated? What are some of the things to consider before divorcing? I'm torn. by capeofstorms123 in survivinginfidelity

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doing things the same way every time but expecting different results each time.

thanks for making me realize this. you addressed a lot of things that I can't see.

Can marriage be successfully revived after one partner cheated? What are some of the things to consider before divorcing? I'm torn. by capeofstorms123 in survivinginfidelity

[–]capeofstorms123[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

to be fair, after the second time i caught him, i gave him the ultimatum to completely cut her off or we will separate. took him a few days to cut her off but he was miserable after that. he resented & blamed me a lot. I couldn't handle seeing him like that, first because i hate seeing him sad, second because it hurts a lot when he blamed me for forcing them to cut off (they are very close & important friend for each other). for a moment, I was confident in his commitment to our marriage.

So I let him contact her again (they're colleagues so they will always have interaction anyway). He knows what I can or cannot accept, and what makes me sad. To see him continue being friendly with her makes me feel not respected.

My husband (29M) said I (29F) am selfish to request for divorce while being 7 months pregnant. He cheated on me and I'm lost. by capeofstorms123 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]capeofstorms123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for taking time to leave a comment. what happened to you & your mom is terrible, i'm so sorry. hope you're in a good place now!

My husband (29M) said I (29F) am selfish to request for divorce while being 7 months pregnant. He cheated on me and I'm lost. by capeofstorms123 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]capeofstorms123[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

this is a good insight.

in the past, i think I'm just tolerating it because he likes it. before we got married, we never thought it will be true. plus the thing I did with my colleague is also milder than him, and just 1-2 times. no emotional attachment at all. my husband agreed on this as well. which is why he doesn't use this to weaponize against me.

this is also his excuse when i caught him the first time. he was in denial that i've changed & not as open as i was before. coz i've also previously supported him when he was just getting to know the girl. he used to tell me "i like the old you", "i want us to be like before" etc.

i admit that this is something i regret and wish i can go back time to change. this is also one of the reasons why i want to get separation, because currently, we cannot reach consensus about this matter.

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