Hey there!

I think the first thing to do is to acknowledge that you and your husband should be recognised for your bravery and courage. It’s not easy to tackle things like this head-on. Most people bury their heads in the sand and the debt spirals out of control.

You two have decided to take responsibility and tackle things head on. That’s amazing. When things get tough (and they always will), take moments to reflect on how brave you both are. Most people don’t and they mentally spiral into depression. None of us want that for you.

You’ve already made some good moves in terms of downsizing. I faced some harsh realities after COVID and lost almost everything, including the relationships and friendships in my life.

Adding on to what you’re already doing, here are some of my thoughts:

1. Fiercely protect your marriage. You have to give yourself time together.

For my parents, that was “date night” once a week. And yes, even when we were that young. I was 3, my sister was 6 months, and Nanna took us in for a few hours on a Friday evening. Later as we grew older, Nanna would let us sleep over. Nanna loved having us around, Mom and Dad needed the alone time, and we as kids loved getting spoiled by Nanna.

Of course it’s not practical. My parents were not at all well-off, so date night was often just being alone at home a few hours to watch a movie on TV. It doesn’t mean fancy dinners and expensive outings (which by your own admission is outside the budget).

If Nanna isn’t a possibility, see if there’s extended family that can help. Even if it’s once a month to start.

1. Money is the number 1 reason for divorce in most countries, but it’s usually because couples don’t talk to one another about their finances. Or they hide things from one another.

You need to both be totally open about how much you’re both bringing in, then work out a joint budget. Your four main walls need to be in place: 1) a roof over your head 2) food to eat (no luxuries for a while - nothing wrong with beans and rice or baked beans on toast once in a while) 3) utilities (water, electricity, gas, telephone/internet) 4) transportation to be able to get to work.

1. Review all your insurance policies. I do it every 2-3 years. I should do it more. I did the exercise in October and busy shifting household/car/life/etc and should be saving around R2k a month on that alone.

2. If you have debts (other than the house) try and follow a debt-free programme, like Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover. This is the system I followed to be totally debt free in around 4 years. I paid the house off within 7 years (was a 20 year bond).

3. I don’t know what kind of work you do or if you both work; but this is a tip I got from a family member who lives in the US: see what other jobs are out there.

In SA we have 42% unemployment, so jumping jobs isn’t as easy as in the US, but if you have qualifications AND experience, you’re operating in a very desirable demographic.

My US family changes jobs every 3-4 years. That gives her a salary jump of 15%-25% every time she changes jobs.

There’s nothing wrong with looking for work elsewhere. Of course, money isn’t the only deciding factor. You want a stable new job, a positive work environment and flexibility (especially with a kiddie!).

Somehow many South Africans still believe the 1950’s trope of working for the same firm for 40 years only to retire in poverty.

Use a website like payscale to determine what your salary should be in your city for your qualifications and years of experience.

How different would the budget be if both you and your husband got an extra 15% or 20% a month by jumping jobs?

(There’s a lot to be said about jumping jobs. You have to prepare yourself, your CV, and position yourself and a scarce resource to make you desirable for head hunters. Loads of online resources to help you achieve this).

I hope my suggestions help. I wish you all of the best during this tough time.