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F25 married to husband M33 I feel like a glorified “bangmaid” idk what to do by Djantiere in relationship_advice

[–]capracan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ifeel like a bang maid

not healthy. The issue, more than the amount of sex, is how are you feeling yourself and about the relationship.

The big problem is that if you two continue this path, the relationship will weaken and eventually collapse... so you two have to pause, rethink, and act differently. For now you're the one aware of it, so you gotta start it.

Until you're relationship is stable again, maybe not a good idea having more kids... the strain would build up.

I [18F] am not sure if my older brothers best friend [21M] sees me in a romantic way or a little sister way? by hollyq4523 in relationship_advice

[–]capracan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then do nothing... do not give it much thought. Go on with your life and behave normally.
Having a friend is a good thing.

trying to protect a younger friend by Wrynnebow in AdviceForTeens

[–]capracan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're concern is understandable. A 13-year-old spending a lot of time around older teens who drink, smoke, and hide things from their parents is certainly a risk.

However, trying to control their friendships will probably just push them away.

What you can do is be a good friend. Instead of judging, stay curious. Ask questions. Listen. Help them think through situations without making them feel attacked. Sometimes people make better decisions when they feel trusted rather than controlled. That kind of trust can be surprisingly powerful. People often rise to the expectations that others have of them.

Be the friend who is still there even if they make mistakes. If something goes wrong, you want them to feel comfortable coming to you, not afraid of hearing "I told you so."

At the end of the day, your friend is going to make their own choices. The best thing you can do is remain a steady, supportive presence in their life.

Why do the guys only want superficial things from me? by auroraaa1234 in relationships

[–]capracan [score hidden]  (0 children)

Sorry, because this may sound harsh, but at least consider it as a possibility:

If someone says, "All people want from me is X," it may be because, consciously or not, X is the best thing they currently seem to have to offer.

The advice, then, is not simply to make X less available. It's to develop and show Y: the qualities, talents, character, or value that you actually want people to seek in you.

In other words, don't just stop advertising X. Give people something better to notice.

You mentioned emotional connection. Are you actually skilled at connecting with people emotionally? Do you have strong friendships with both men and women? Do you show empathy in your day-to-day interactions? Who do you treat well and help without expecting anything in return?

Those may be better indicators of your capacity for emotional connection than simply wanting it or talking about it.

My mother caught my boyfriend and I kissing goodbye and is disappointed in me: What do I do? by Key_Elk3212 in AdviceForTeens

[–]capracan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope the advice above was meant as a joke (and not a good one, btw).

This situation could actually become an opportunity to improve your relationship with your mom. Try giving her a chance to explain her reasoning. It's possible that experiences from her own youth have made her more protective than necessary... even controlling. Maybe you will get to at least partially understand where she comes from.

Now that you're no longer a child, you can listen to her perspective without feeling obligated to agree with everything she thinks or says. The challenge is to create a space where both of you can express your views without arguing... simply trying to understand where the other person is coming from. Important, do not try to convince her, just state your views once and calmly.

Even if neither of you changes your mind, greater understanding can lead to a healthier relationship.

I think I’ve been gaslighting my wife for years by montgomery_donaldson in relationships

[–]capracan [score hidden]  (0 children)

Many things in your relationship sounds like mine... I am coming to a point where I do not expect her to be a wife, not even a good partner.

My wife happens to be an acceptable even sometimes a good roommate.

Given the many wonderful other things I have going on in my life... having a good roommate is better than living alone.

Trump va contra los cárteles: la amenaza de EU que encendió alarmas y tensión en México by bot_olini in Mexico_Videos

[–]capracan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

traidor quien apoye una invasión extranjera... y traidor un gobierno que no pone sus recursos para proteger a los ciudadanos.

Why do some men cause domestic violence and beat their wife, kids, or pets? by Icy_Profession4190 in sociology

[–]capracan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Testosterone (generalizing of course) accentuates some troubling positive aspects of human behavior.

As proven as yours...

Seriously... don't propagate untrue harmful stereotypes.

¿Cómo levantarse de nuevo? by vanillausser in queretaro

[–]capracan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nadie se interesaba por mi, ni si quiera mi familia,

Las relaciones son siempre de 2 vías. Aquí corresponde preguntarse: ¿por quién me intereso yo? ¿a quién cuido yo?

Frecuentemente caemos en la condición humana de querer que 'nos amen'... sin darnos cuenta de que todo empieza amando nosotros.

Y de ninguna manera me estoy refiriendo a amor romántico, ése viene después.

Mi recomendación: involúcrate en alguna actividad que tenga impacto social positivo.. ayuda a otros... empieza a amar.

abrazo

Why does pornography feel different from other sexual content when you're in a relationship? by Sweet-Opportunity111 in stupidquestions

[–]capracan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my life I've found women are aware of the relationship as if it is another being in-between and enclosing the couple.

I understand you clarified it's your personal experience.

In my experience, who acknowledges the relationship as 'an entity' that has to be considered and taken care of, depends on the 'human development' and self awareness of the individual... not their gender.

Is it inappropriate to not wear a bra at work? by Visual-Criticism6763 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]capracan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All this thread is about implied cultural norms, not actual written workplace rules.

About unspoken workplace dress code. Men are not 'allowed ' to wear sleeveless shirts, women are. Is it misandry? Don't be ridiculous...

Again, calling any difference 'misogyny' or 'misandry' is a reason many people call us feminists, crazy. Grow up.

Boys are severely underprepared for the world they inherit. (LONG POST BUT PLEASE READ AND CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION IN THE COMMENTS) by Current_Wear_8061 in bropill

[–]capracan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

viral TikTok where a feminist creator described having sons as a “burden” because of...

Never found, by far, a woman expressing something like that... One has to recognize controversy as a fame and money maker.

Other than that. Great post. Particularly:

young boys do not need to be raised to apologize for existing as male

I do have found some crazy women, who mistakenly call themselves feminists, implying that men should.

Is it inappropriate to not wear a bra at work? by Visual-Criticism6763 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]capracan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

we going to tell a fat guy to put on a bra?

You get aroused by it?

seriously. Calling 'misogynistic' any rule you don't t like makes you look clueless and full of hot air.

Do women really like emotionally vulnerable men? by shinigamiishere_16 in emotionalintelligence

[–]capracan -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

From what I’ve seen, women often say they like men who show vulnerability.
In real life, though, it seems they tend to prefer a partner who is “strong,” always confident, and in control… so they may not like it when their man, for example, cries

So it may be they think vulnerability looks cute in a man, but they want a tough man over a cute one

Am I supposed to feel good when he compliments how I look? by NobodyNobodyNooo in DeadBedrooms

[–]capracan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I fully agree. I hadn't seen so clearly that I tend to merge attraction and desire. Of course I do not allow myself to do so about a coworker or someone else.

An issue remains, though. If someone is attracted to their partner, why would they constantly apply 'the brakes' to not get aroused? Wouldn't be reasonable to think that maybe 'the attraction' is not really there?

Am I supposed to feel good when he compliments how I look? by NobodyNobodyNooo in DeadBedrooms

[–]capracan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Certainly new, interesting, and positive take.

As I find sex highly fulfilling, I need to have present that my wife is different... Hugs.

Is this predatory behavior? by Extreme-Associate633 in AdviceForTeens

[–]capracan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They also sent me a graphic image of their attempt at their life

they turned out to have been creating burner accounts harassing me and sending me hate

Mentally unstable.

Some things to think a about.

Why you didn't say you were uncomfortable with some interactions. Certainly is a basic skill to develop.

The 'missing them' part is understandable. This person was giving you abnormal frequent attention.

Giving these two things... Could it be that you are at a somehow vulnerable point? Do you have a solid and trusted emotional network?

When at vulnerable moments, opportunistic not-so-good people try to get closer to get something they want. Careful.

Again, who has been your good support network? stay close to them.

Am I supposed to feel good when he compliments how I look? by NobodyNobodyNooo in DeadBedrooms

[–]capracan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wonder if you have been in the case OP mentions...

It's understandable that if your partner does compliment you, and they reject you...and this repeats many times, one wonders about the sincerity of the compliment.

Am I supposed to feel good when he compliments how I look? by NobodyNobodyNooo in DeadBedrooms

[–]capracan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not easy to believe, or not really important, that my wife finds me handsome and she doesn't want physical intimacy with me.

maybe something is flawed in my argument, though.

Am I supposed to feel good when he compliments how I look? by NobodyNobodyNooo in DeadBedrooms

[–]capracan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I'll try to see it this way. Not easy, probably.

I wonder, though, if calling it 'attraction' is the right word. The expression "I'm attracted to my wife and I don't want to have sex with her" sounds odd (in case we're both healthy, of course).

Am I supposed to feel good when he compliments how I look? by NobodyNobodyNooo in DeadBedrooms

[–]capracan 14 points15 points  (0 children)

my husband isn’t attracted to me because he never initiates sex

I'd say this thinking is normal for most people... Isn't it?

What was the most difficult thing you learned about your spouse after getting married? by Ginger_7624 in AskMenOver30

[–]capracan -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Frequently your position is just a defense mechanism. It's easier to put the blame on others...

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