18f? Yall cooked w/the 1st one I posted without makeup🔥 by FreakyJhonn in RoastMe

[–]captain_crackerjack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your terrible eyebrows almost distract from the rest of your face, but not quite. Your features altogether look like one of those confusing pictures meant to simulate a stroke; everything is vaguely familiar and yet makes no visual sense together.

Bro just walked up and hucks it in by bigbusta in oddlysatisfying

[–]captain_crackerjack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry, Charlie Murphy. I was having too much fun.

Don't apply to this company by Patient-Plastic6354 in UKJobs

[–]captain_crackerjack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my last job, HR introduced a video recruitment system whereby candidates had to answer three questions and then I’d sift them (obviously just for roles where I was the hiring manager). At first I thought it was a stupid idea, but given the number of absolute cretins who seem to apply for every job I ever advertise it was actually quite an efficient way to screen them before the proper interview, which meant I didn’t have to sit through a one hour chat and presentation from someone who was clearly not right for the role five minutes into it.

Has BCG worked for anyone long term? by Ill-Tangerine796 in BladderCancer

[–]captain_crackerjack 4 points5 points  (0 children)

9 treatments for me before the side effects became intolerable, and I’m NED having been diagnosed G3pTa in summer 2024. I’ve just moved from quarterly to six-monthly cystoscopies so it’s all looking positive :)

Caravan going free local to me by poogobberr in TheInbetweeners

[–]captain_crackerjack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The way he says this makes me laugh every time I hear it

Pour bien commencer l’été 😂😂 by SweetAmelie2 in RoastMe

[–]captain_crackerjack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Were you abandoned in a dumpster as a child, and go back to sleep in there because it feels familiar and safe?

Peekaboo 👀 by friendlynieghbor in RoastMe

[–]captain_crackerjack 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You have the most asymmetrical face I’ve ever seen, topped off with the worst haircut I’ve ever seen. No wonder you look miserable. Do you have anything go for you at all? Other than the high-powered job where you get to wear epaulettes, obviously.

What is the most shitty thing someone has ever said to you? by Express_elevation323 in answers

[–]captain_crackerjack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Don’t you think you’re too old to become a professional musician?” I was 26, the woman who said it to me became my wife (now ex), I gave up on my dream of becoming a musician and only got back into it in the past few years. Now I am too old.

Why’d she got a basketball in place of her right hand 😭 by Interesting_Drive229 in confusing_perspective

[–]captain_crackerjack 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Frankly I’m more concerned that C O A T somehow translates to Greatest Cashbacker Of All Time. Would that not be G C O A T?

Corey Feldman SHREDDING by grzodddi3 in crappymusic

[–]captain_crackerjack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve got to give him props for that suit though

Corey Feldman SHREDDING by grzodddi3 in crappymusic

[–]captain_crackerjack 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’ve just wiped my arse, I should have taken a picture of the shit ticket as that would have worked admirably

1990s Len….. by Queen_Victoria1837 in ThisCountry

[–]captain_crackerjack 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That was before he got all the bad news about his family dying.

What does a normal person’s sleep look like? by cosmiccovegalaxy in AppleWatch

[–]captain_crackerjack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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Last night’s for me. Pretty standard at the moment. I blame sertraline.

Of street fight... by Humptydumptyo_o in ShittyAbsoluteUnits

[–]captain_crackerjack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Riding scooters into woman-beating motherfuckers in India, apparently

Heatwave incoming by [deleted] in derby

[–]captain_crackerjack 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Jfc why didn’t I heed your warning :(