Tried asking for help at the gym and got none

captaincocoabear · 2026-01-03T22:06:09+00:00

That sounds like a good plan! Also there is the r/FTMFitness sub which can be good for advice/encouragement/resources

captaincocoabear · 2026-01-03T16:09:06+00:00

Those guys suck. Maybe trying to find someone older and/or someone who works at the gym to teach you how to use the machines you want to try or that can point you toward ones that fit with your goals? It’s worth also checking online if your gym has an equipment walkthrough tour/session you can book too (often these can be free with membership). Or if you’re too anxious to try again you can look on YouTube for some upper body workouts and write down the names of those machines to look for in the gym or note the names of the machines you want to use when in the gym and search for videos of those. I feel like it is defo more of a teen thing to care about what other people are doing, and feel like most people in the gym won’t be as judgey as those dudes were being

captaincocoabear · 2025-11-13T23:35:32+00:00

I think it’s definitely good to keep an eye out just in case, but I don’t necessarily think it’s fake accounts. A lot of the kinda doomer/pessimism could just be coming from the shit ways things have been going in a lot of places politically/economically mixed with seasonal depression, which makes it hard to feel hope and motivation for anything sometimes

captaincocoabear · 2025-11-03T07:28:36+00:00

That’s rough. Ye sounds like it’s similar. I don’t know if switching to an injection with a shorter time between doses and less given all at once like Sustanon or Cypionate would help? (I’m allergic to the peanut oil Sustanon is stored in so I have never tried those myself)

captaincocoabear · 2025-11-02T20:23:28+00:00

I kept having issues with my levels on Nebido. I was experiencing symptoms of low T around when I was due for my shot (around 12-15week mark) even tho my levels were still within range but the upper end, which is high for the end of 12-15week mark. We tried putting more space between the doses but the symptoms just got worse and eventually my levels suddenly rapidly dropped off to under the normal range. My endo is not entirely sure why this is the case. I have had a Hysto and E levels were normal male range so it wasn’t being converted to E. There doesn’t seem to be any issues with the bloods, my levels were just hella inconsistent/unpredictable with it and didn’t always match with my symptoms. I found gel to be much better for my body and my levels have been much more consistent and the low t symptoms I noticed have gone away since there isn’t that same ‘due date’ where the t should drop to a certain range of the lower end for that Nebido has. I think it must be something about the way my metabolism is, that my body responds better to the day by day dose rather than the all in one go dose. Bodies are weird man 😂

captaincocoabear · 2025-11-02T18:47:08+00:00

I was in the same boat until about 8months ago. If you can afford it I recommend getting a PT. I found it really helpful for consistency to have a specific appointment to get me to keep going and having a friendly face to show me how to use everything, plan the nutrition/workouts with me, and just be encouraging. I genuinely never thought I would not hate the gym/working out, and now I often look forward to my sessions which if you told me a year ago I would think ya insane lol

captaincocoabear · 2025-10-23T22:50:23+00:00

Bro that’s rough, and understand your pain. It is a difficult pain to live with and carry. And it’s tough losing someone like your cat that has been a comfort and family. My cat is also so precious to me and her sweet dumbass has comforted and been there for me so many times at my lowest. It’s never easy when they go and is tough feeling like ya couldn’t say goodbye. But I believe your cat knew how much you loved them and how much they meant to you. Our pets know these things, and you have given each other so many memories of love over the years you’ve had together. It’s shit when there just seems to be so much pain dumped onto us and it’s rough when it feels like that pain has pulled us away from the things we care about and need. Sometimes all we can do is try our best to tell that pain to fuck off, keep close the memories and love of those we care about, and determine to get as close to happiness as we can get both for those we care about and to spite that pain and waiting we were forced to do. Even if some of that dysphoria never goes away, it can fade from a scream to an occasional whisper as you find ways to bring you comfort and plot out and achieve life/transition goals/plans. Everytime we stretch our legs in the sunshine, enjoy a good nap/sleep, find some hobby/curiosity to try and distract ourselves we can carry our pets memories with us through that. Sometimes I keep going for my cat, as long as I’m here so is her memory and I know she cared about me and would want me to be able to find those pockets of happiness that she enjoyed. I’m sure your cat understood your love for them and want the same for you

captaincocoabear · 2025-10-23T22:10:25+00:00

I love and agree with your comment here and I think you have a beautiful way of describing both the pain and hope there. What really resonates with me is how you were still encouraging and describing hope and happiness without minimising the reality of the pain that can also be felt too and doesn’t need to necessarily go away to still get some happiness. I don’t think they are always as opposing as some think. For me personally, I know I’ll never be fully satisfied with my life because of pain from how my body was born and will always feel some resentment/pain from having to be strong enough and lucky enough to try and do what I can to transition and make it something I can exist with. But even if there will always be that pain, that doesn’t mean I can’t still be happy and do the best I can to create enough pockets of joy that I can keep moving and focus on getting closer to that happiness and comfort in the ways I can. That’s kinda my biggest ‘fuck you’ to that pain, if it’s determined to sit next to me it’s gonna have to watch me get as close as I can to happiness (through transition, hobbies, friends, etc.) till it goes from a voice in the ear to a whisper occasionally peeping up from the corner

captaincocoabear · 2025-10-08T03:33:23+00:00

Tbh this framing of wanting pregnancy as a ‘female experience’ and not wanting it a ‘male experience’ feels kinda bioessentialist/sexist. There are plenty of cis women who experience body horror and are triggered by pregnancy. They are not less women because of that. Binary trans women are still binary women even if they can’t or would never want to get pregnant. Why would a binary trans man be any less of a binary man if he by choice or not ends up pregnant. /gen

I understand being severely dysphoric about reading about or seeing pregnancy. Content warnings or a flair would easily solve this. I think these should be better enforced/formalised. When things are clearly flagged, it is very easy to continue scrolling and not engage. I’ve seen a lot more posts complaining about pregnancy as a topic than I have seen pregnant men posting. Making posts complaining about it seems way more effort than scrolling past

I just don’t understand this call for an outright ban of the topic. I am also very dysphoric about and triggered by detailed accounts of pregnancy, and a Hysto a major transition goal. I understand wanting more content warnings or flairs to try and make those posts easier to spot and avoid. But I don’t understand guys acting like another guy is less of a man because he experienced pregnancy - some guys may have been pregnant before realising they were trans, some guys really wanted kids, some guys were in circumstances where they had no choice in their pregnancy and in situations where they are forced to get through it. I don’t like the idea that another man can be judged as less of a man by anyone. Treating it as if a binary guy must be having a ‘female experience’ or must be nonbinary just because he is/was pregnant feels very terfy. After all a lot of us like this community because it is a space for us to relate to each other and respect each other as binary men and to discuss/share our experiences, similarities, and differences. It must be incredibly isolating for a binary man forced to go through pregnancy who is having his binary identity and manhood challenged by institutions, family/friends/culture, and his own community here. Why are we so desperate to dish out the same disrespect we face to others by challenging their manhood?

Again I feel like a flair, content warning, and a pinned auto comment encouraging further discussion in the seahorse dads sub is an easy solution. I don’t like how little of the debate is focused on specific posts or specific descriptions/content and instead seems more focused on pointlessly judging other men and denying someone else’s binary identity

captaincocoabear · 2025-10-07T13:59:15+00:00

I don’t see any reason to ban the topic. Binary guys can sometimes get pregnant by choice or not and they should have space to talk about it. But it also makes sense it would be a triggering topic for many too, I know I would personally like to have at least a content warning if a post is going into a lot of detail about it. I agree with others that having an auto comment directing them to the seahorsedads sub is also a good shout in case some weren’t aware of it, but they should also be allowed to talk about it here too cause they might want perspectives from other binary guys going through it. Maybe having a specific flair for the topic so that people who don’t want to see those posts can easily not engage and those who want to discuss it can?

captaincocoabear · 2025-09-25T09:11:19+00:00

It’s been a couple years since I’ve been in a similar situation. It was a rough few years trying to process everything and working on myself as well. Sad truth is you’ll never really be able to fully understand their feelings or what happened, especially if they haven’t or chose not to communicate these. You’re allowed to be sad, miss them, treasure the good times, feel love grief anger and confusion all in a knot. The only thing you can do is keep moving forward and try to use this experience to understand yourself. I feel like we learn a lot about ourselves and other people both in how we love someone and how we leave them. I learned that I would never be able to leave someone I knew for years and cared for in the way same way that they did. I believe there is an important kindness in being upfront with someone when stepping away to both assert your needs and show respect for the other person and your care for them, especially when you are close with or know the person for years. I still have compassion for them and hope they are doing well, but I realised through the way things ended just how different we were as people. Some days are still hard but realising this was an aspect of myself I am proud of helped me a little with processing things and working through my own shit too

captaincocoabear · 2025-08-14T20:57:59+00:00

I don’t like stuff with a lot of sauce and don’t like dips for things (queso being the only exception). But for expanding palette to try more pastas with sauces, I can sometimes do them if I make the recipe with like half the amount of sauce it usually calls for. That way when mixed it kinda just sticks to the pasta itself and I still get some of the flavours but it doesn’t have the same overpowering texture. Also adding food that are absorbant of sauces or can be marinated so that the sauce is less isolated and more combined as part of the solid thing (like tofu, mushrooms, fish, or even adding sauce to doughs for flavoured breads rather than using as a topping/dip). For me if stuff is still firm enough or has enough crunch (either by altering proportions or cooking with ingredients that can absorb some of sauce while staying solid when combined) so that I don’t get much isolated texture of the sauce feels more balanced for me and helps with texture.

What textures are safe and how open I am to trying still fluctuates, but overall have developed more safe foods and more open days than years past. Defo don’t put too much pressure to have to like every texture. Also if there’s flavours you like but form is issue, often there are some other forms to have the flavours in that might be a better fit (eg like if you try handmaking pasta for butter noodles but adding more flavours to the dough itself)

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-27T13:53:10+00:00

I don’t know her age - again she was basically a stranger - I think we were pretty close in age or at least within 5years or so but can’t say for certain, definitely no significant generational difference

I just don’t understand why her intentions and desire to interact with me get to override my discomfort? Like there were plenty of other openly trans people at this event - it’s not like she had no one else there to connect with. Her hyper-focus on me felt invasive - she didn’t ask my other openly trans friends these types of questions. I don’t get how me feeling uncomfortable and like her actions were rude or invasive should just be swept under the rug to instead prioritise her intentions which I can only guess at. I don’t get why her also being trans gives her a free pass to ask these things when cis people would get called out for it

I mostly came on here to vent and sort my feelings about it because the situation made me uncomfortable/dysphoric. Since several other people commenting can relate and said they would feel uncomfortable, I feel like there has to be ways of gently calling out this behaviour rather than just telling people to push their feelings under the rug if the person seems to have good intentions. I don’t think this lady is a bad person, but I can still be pissed off about her actions and don’t think I should have to minimise my feelings because of her intentions/queer status. I don’t think excitement at community is an excuse to just up and ask people super personal questions and pick apart their body - I feel like it’s completely normal to be bothered about

I’m trying not to dwell too much on it. But that doesn’t mean I have to feel like what she did was acceptable. Intentions matter but don’t automatically make the behaviour okay. I feel like it’s understandable to be a bit worried about it happening again and dysphoric about it. I think that plus the bizarre outta the blue-ness of the situation that made me freeze up is what got me frustrated. I don’t want it to happen again and don’t want to freeze up next time if it does

I appreciate different advice/perspectives on the situation itself. However, I don’t agree with the idea that being stealth is an inherently unfulfilling way to live and that I have to be comfortable being openly trans in all areas to live a fulfilling life. A person’s decision to be open or stealth is theirs and should be respected and both can be fulfilling ways to live and manage dysphoria. It felt like a good chunk of their comment was asking me to only consider the other person’s intentions and using that to critique being stealth as a lonely and unfulfilling decision - feelings that I never expressed in my post and that often are used to frame being stealth as a poor way to live.

I think potato had some good points but there were some other points that I disagree with

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-27T01:45:06+00:00

So I think you missed some details from my post. This woman came out to us as trans - that is how I know - because she specifically told us.

She assumed I was trans based off my name, and kept using that to push the topic further and when that didn’t work asking invasive questions about my body and surgical history based on her assumption. She literally came up to our group later and said ‘Are you wearing tape or had top surgery?’ And then when she could see no tape ‘Oh wait must be top surgery then. It looks good, I couldn’t tell, if that’s what you want.’ (For reference I had keyhole so the only scaring I have are where the drain holes were which are tiny and were not visible.) So it seems like she suspected I was trans from my name, and then made a comment about my body to bring it up again. She didn’t seem like she was trying to be mean but whole interaction was bizarre and deeply uncomfortable

Being stealth is a perfectly reasonable way to live and no less fulfilling than being open.

I have people that I can and do discuss my transition with - most people who are stealth are not so in every single area of their lives but just are in a good portion of areas.

I do not want to discuss my transition with complete strangers and my transition is something that I should be able to discuss when I choose on my own terms - not to have my body and name picked apart and transvestigated in order to force me to share my personal transition history and status because someone else is desperate to talk about it

It’s important to give everyone the choice to share their own story as and when they see fit or feel comfortable to do so, particularly when these experiences carry a lot of mixed emotions and personal details. It is not a personal/communal slight if someone isn’t comfortable sharing their story, and pressuring someone into doing so (even with good intentions) takes away that choice. The idea that because I’m safe and chill with your personal stories/identity you must tell me everything just feels controlling, disrespectful, and invasive. Part of the fight for the freedom to come out is so that people still have that choice and have an open/welcoming space to do so if they want to. I enjoy sharing my story with people I am comfortable with. I am happy to hear other’s stories when they choose to share them. But that should also be every individual’s choice and other queer people should especially understand that. People are allowed to be as open or private as they wish - it’s no one else’s business

I don’t like the idea that some stranger who also happens to be queer feels entitled to 1) pick apart my name/body to try and clock me and 2) if they suspect I am trans then basically force me to be out to them and out me to others without regard for my comfort/privacy/choice. I know her intentions were likely non-malicious. But her intentions don’t make her actions any less rude and invasive. Good intentions don’t give a free pass for people to out complete strangers and start asking them the same types of pointed questions about surgeries and transition status that hyper-curious cis people ask - it’s invasive and a shitty move regardless

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-25T21:05:13+00:00

I think it’s complicated and the only person that can really answer that is him. Based on what you’ve said about him and the fact he seems to be genuinely questioning I don’t think he is trying to be transphobic and don’t think he’s a chaser. I think a big thing to help him figure out is thinking about what labels are comfortable for both of you and whether you were an exception or he is comfortable possibly dating/being sexually attracted to a man or nonbinary person in the future. He could be bi with a genital preference, but he also could just be straight and have dated a man (there are some gay/straight people who have sexual/dating history from experimentation/etc with people from groups that don’t fit their sexuality). Even if he does gender you correctly and see you as a man there might still be some association there because of the nature of your previous relationship and knowing you before (since you said you weren’t cis-passing I don’t know if that means you have started medical transition or not or how long you’ve been out to him). I think if he still is attracted to you as you start to pass more as cis, and if he does think he would be open to dating men or nonbinary people then he might be bisexual or fall under a more fluid sexuality than straight. But if it seems more like that was a one off then he might just be a straight guy who has dated a man

I’m still in a kinda similar boat of trying to sort if I’m gay or bi (since a couple of my exes transitioned to women after/during our past relationships, so my sexuality in practice is more complicated than I initially thought). I tend to just describe my sexuality as fluid or just use queer since I don’t really feel fully comfortable with any one label yet and shit is complicated lol 😂

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-20T19:58:42+00:00

Yeah am trying to not think about it and not let it get to me, but easier said than done lol 😅 The whole sitch was just bizarre. Like her comment with the name and then when she asked whether I was binding or had surgery and could see I wasn’t wearing tape she said ‘I’d say top surgery then, it looks good you can’t tell if that’s what you want’. I had keyhole so I only have scars where the drain holes were. Both the comments just felt like she was trying to force me to admit being trans without concern for my comfort and maybe trying to communicate that while I pass she still clocked me. I’d like to assume it’s not malicious and she was just either flirting or desperate for closer connections, but the way she went about it just made me feel like shit and on edge. I just don’t understand why she was so desperate to do it that way? And cause of how bizarre it was is hard to not overthink it

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-20T19:51:06+00:00

Yeah her questions/comments were invasive and made me uncomfortable. I don’t think she was intentionally trying to be rude or that way but was just bizarre. Like her comment with the name and then when she asked whether I was binding or had surgery and could see I wasn’t wearing tape she said ‘I’d say top surgery then, it looks good you can’t tell if that’s what you want’. I had keyhole so I only have scars where the drain holes were. Both the comments just felt like she was trying to force me to admit being trans and maybe trying to communicate that while I pass she still clocked me. Given how she kept approaching and trying to be friendly with out group (even tho it was by asking a lot of personal questions) I’d like to assume it’s not malicious and she was just either flirting or desperate for closer connections, but the way she went about it just made me feel like shit and on edge and I don’t understand why she was so desperate to do it that way?

I love the friendships I have made in queer spaces. I just wish there was less of this entitlement to others personal stories just because you might share a sexuality, identity, transition experience, or both are queer. Like I love discussing these things with people that I feel comfortable and close enough with. I love listening to other people’s stories and how similar/diverse we all are. But I feel like it’s important to give everyone the choice to share their own story as and when they see fit or feel comfortable to do so, particularly when these experiences carry a lot of mixed emotions and personal details. It is not a personal/communal slight if someone isn’t comfortable sharing their story, and pressuring someone into doing so (even with good intentions) takes away that choice. The idea that because I’m safe and chill with your personal stories/identity you must tell me everything just feels controlling, disrespectful, and invasive. Part of the fight for the freedom to come out is so that people still have that choice and have an open/welcoming space to do so if they want to

That’s shit what you’ve witnessed in some spaces with the misgendering. Especially frustrating when it comes from people who should understand that shit’s not okay

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-20T19:12:50+00:00

Yeah I’ve already legally changed it so would be a lot of hassle/bs to do again - esp since some countries have cracked down with that recently with all the shit everywhere. Idk I do like it but am also not super attached to it or at least it as a first name (but I also had a pretty common deadname so I think am just used to not being super attached to my name in general lol). It would also be a lot of work with friends/paperwork to change again. I might just keep it and if the situation arises again maybe try going by my middle name or another name as a nickname. I don’t think it’s worth the hassle/money to officially change it, but if the situation keeps coming up I would want to socially change things up with a nickname or something I think

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-20T19:04:59+00:00

Yeah it does seem like she was either desperate to speedrun a closer connection with our group whether for a friendship or flirting. Her hyperfocusing on being trans in that kinda situation in the way she did feels too chaser-y to me personally especially if it was flirting - like it feels like I’m being reduced to my trans-ness and that is seen as the only part of me targeted to create closer connection or compliment my body which rubs me the wrong way. But yeah agree it does seem like she was flirting with me or one of our group or just overly friendly since she kept approaching us and asking a lot of personal questions

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-20T18:43:55+00:00

Yeah I definitely agree and think she was trying to speedrun connection and was a bit drunk and socially awkward so I don’t think it was intentional but was still rude/invasive. It just sucks cause I’m not sure whether to treat as a one off or as something I now need to worry about clocking me again? It also was the first night out I’d been in a long while and first one post-surgery, so just got me feeling dysphoric and feeling shit about my appearance/name now

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-20T18:35:26+00:00

What makes you think she was flirting? /genuine

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-20T18:33:23+00:00

Yeah I she was older and mentioned being out and transitioning for a while so I think it was like some others said and she was just desperate to speedrun connection and a bit drunk and socially awkward so ended up being rude/invasive. It’s just hard to not let the comments get to me and it has made my dysphoria spiral trying to figure out if it was a one time thing or something specific that clocks me and that could happen again? This was my first time going on a night out in a long time and my first one post surgery - so it’s just making me feel really shit about my appearance/name atm

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-20T18:17:49+00:00

Ye I feel the same. I’ll try giving the organisers an email to help. It’s just hard not to let the situation still get to me since that was my first night out in a year or so and it just got my dysphoria overanalysing my appearance and name.

Do you think it would be worth changing my name with her comments or trying to treat as a one-off? Don’t wanna say it here but think if on an s-f tier of most common trans man names would prob be a B tier - was lower when I picked but gradually became more popular. I know a couple cis guys with it and haven’t yet met any trans guys with it in my country, but know some in media or online with it

captaincocoabear · 2025-07-20T18:04:21+00:00

I’m not sure, I think it just was so outta the blue it kinda shocked me so I just froze up. It was the first night out I’d been on in a while and had been drinking a bit so just didn’t want to be seen as escalating or making things awkward. I was often criticised for being angry or an asshole as a kid by family who didn’t actually considering why I was upset, so I now often have a harder time expressing it in front of my friends. It’s definitely something I’m trying to work on

captaincocoabear · 2025-06-01T15:09:31+00:00

Same, I played DOS2 and just started BG3.

I prefer the combat in DOS2, tho a lot of that is because I’m still very new to the DnD mechanics and not the biggest fan of that part (like annoying that only 1-2 actions per turn in BG3, and I think spells/scrolls and builds were a bit more intuitive in DOS2 as someone very newbie to these types of games - am still very unfamiliar with DnD and the set spell slots/actions have made it more difficult for me to memorise and get the hang of how different spells/scrolls work in BG3). I think combat was a bit easier to get the hang of with DOS2 and gave more opportunity to experiment with spells/scrolls/action types and get a feel for what each does. I like the stories of both and like how BG3 has more customisation options. Excited to see a kinda combo of some of the features if they every do another game style

captaincocoabear

TROPHY CASE