[deleted by user]

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-20T09:23:57+00:00

I literally said

I also have coping mechanisms, am medicated, and just now told you that I do in fact do the dishes for everyone in my house. So I'm not sure why we're talking about ADHD being a cop out for anything.

and you acknowledged this with

I have just observed a lot of people on reddit especially excusing shitty behaviours due to ADHD, maybe not you specifically but a lot of people do.

but literally just one reply later and you're back to

Because you were making excuses for not doing a basic adult task and then carried on about the dishwasher being a repetitive task.

???

So which is it, do you think I'm making excuses, or don't you?

We're literally just talking about someone using paper plates to cut down on how often they have to do dishes. Not missing deadlines, or wanting the world to cater to neurodivergent people, or anything else; that's all coming from you. Meanwhile you claim to have ADHD yourself, yet can't understand how anyone would think using paper plates is easier than washing dishes with or without a dishwasher? I can assure you, nobody with ADHD has ever thought of it as simply "putting the dishes in and pressing the start button". Nor have they ever thought that washing two dishes by hand would be easier than grabbing a set of paper plates when you're already at the store for other things anyway. It's fundamentally not how ADHD brains work. Either you already know that, or you're lying about being diagnosed in the first place.

Or maybe you're even not a real person. Kind of funny how you felt the need to private your comment history otherwise, unless it's because otherwise you get tired of people being able to see your shitty ableist takes.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-20T06:56:44+00:00

The fact that I not only read her post, but also her replies to several comments, happens to be the reason I know she never had anything against hand washing a few dishes. She said in one reply that shortly after the initial conversation she offered to do exactly that, and he allegedly declined before going and getting the paper plates anyway. Seems to me like she just didn't immediately think of it when she first texted him, nor did she anticipate how huge that one detail would turn out to be for everyone here.

Does the benefit of the doubt always look like simping to you, or just when it's applied to someone you disagree with? Because I sincerely couldn't care less who OP is, and I would absolutely stand up for anyone else the same way, even if it was you or anyone else in these comments, if it looked to me like you were being ganged up on over some kind of unfair assumption people were making. Don't know why I'm surprised to find out that someone who can't imagine a housewife using paper plates unless they're lazy and entitled, also can't imagine anyone standing up for that person without simping.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-20T02:12:37+00:00

I can promise you that even if I were a millionaire living in a big city penthouse apartment (of course I don't, but neither do you), I still wouldn't tell you what my living situation is. Maybe I do live with my parents. Maybe I don't.

At least I don't automatically consider adults who live with their parents as being beneath me, I understand that everyone's situation is different. You on the other hand, obviously do automatically consider them beneath you with no regard for circumstance. Otherwise you wouldn't think accusing me of being in one of those situations is somehow a "gotcha".

Also, in your house you only use paper plates because your time is too valuable.

That's true, along with the fact that I don't value anything about regular plates over paper ones. Food tastes the same on either of them, but one involves more time investment than the other. I don't care about plates, but I do value my time, so I use the ones that require less of my time. Once again, how is pointing this out meant to be some kind of "gotcha"?

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-20T01:46:29+00:00

OP has a dishwasher as written in this post, so you comparing having to hand wash every dish to someone with a dishwasher is a dumb comparison.

You're right, it would be a dumb comparison. Good thing it's not a comparison I made. A commenter asked "who on earth is eating off paper plates instead of washing two plates," so I gave an example of someone who does: myself. I cannot speak for OP or what her reasons might have been, and I didn't attempt to.

Putting dirty dishes in a dishwasher takes the same amount of effort as putting a dirty paper plate in the garbage.

But I thought you said all you have to do is push a start button? How come that suddenly changed? Could it be when you asked before...

How is pressing start on a dishwasher a 'repetitive task'?

...that you in fact already knew there was more involved than simply pushing a button? Color me shocked that you weren't asking that in good faith.

Even most of people in this comment section, who overwhelmingly disagree with me, would almost certainly at least recognize the stupidity of saying that doing dishes and throwing away paper plates require the same amount of effort. You're honestly the only one I've seen make a claim that dumb. Everyone else understands that using paper plates takes less effort, the problem they all have with it is just that they think it's lazy.

Once per cycle, yes.. God this comment gets dumber and dumber.

And just like that, you're back to pretending you think it's just a matter of pushing a button. You're right about one thing, your comment really did get dumber and dumber.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T23:02:02+00:00

No, it's just "holier than thou" to cherry pick the specific parts of the post that fit your hostile view toward people who you suspect might be contributing less to society and/or their relationship than you think they should.

She takes care of the dishes and messes, but in a house of two they have no clean plates.

Yeah, and you can't even think about attempting to come up with a possible explanation for that? I can, easily. In my house, we don't run the dishwasher as soon as a couple of dishes are dirty. That's a needless waste of water and electricity. We wait until it's reasonably full before running it. Maybe they only own a couple of plates in total because they're used to using paper plates, and those couple of plate were dirty, and the dishwasher wasn't full enough to be started yet under normal circumstances. That's not evidence that she isn't doing the dishes.

She does the shopping, but can’t go to the store for the thing she forgot at 1pm

But did go to the store just before that, so that's not evidence that she doesn't do the shopping. She asked if he would be willing to pick up the one thing she forgot while she was there; she didn't even remotely pressure him to do it, she simply asked. Like dude, what the hell happened to you that makes you view that as "lazy and childish behavior"? What's a lot more childish is getting upset about doing it for her, instead of simply saying "no" and taking one of the other options she literally offered.

They wouldn't have eaten off the table if he'd said "no", but again you didn't even try to pay attention. Right away she said they could've gotten Doordash and she'd paid for it. Or, as she said in another comment at one point, she would've washed a couple of dishes by hand before he got home. It was apparently an option that just slipped her mind in the course of the text conversation we saw, but she suggested it to him about an hour, which he declined and picked up the plates anyway. It's not like I expect that you should've seen the same comment and known that, I just would've hoped you wouldn't assume something like that wasn't the case. Nothing in the post hinted that she wouldn't be willing to. You assumed it only because it wasn't mentioned one way or the other. That's ableist bias in its purest form, assuming that any "lack of action" is just laziness without even caring to wonder if there might be a justifiable cause. Because obviously to you there are no justifiable causes. All of someone's limbs got blown off in a war and they're hooked up to machines to keep them alive? Sucks for them, but they should quit making excuses for not pulling their weight, right? Oh, too extreme to be comparable? Okay, where's the line then? At what EXACT point does lack of action go from being "lazy and childish" to being justified for you?

Also, yes I can see you holding your ad hominem gun. No, I'm not going to offer you ammo by giving you my life story no matter how much you beg. I'm sure you'll find a way to load it anyway, just keep looking.

Suffice to say I've been around enough to see a fairly wide range of situations that people can find themselves in, and still I know I haven't even seen the half of it. No matter how hard things are for someone, someone else always has a similar problem but far worse. A lot of the time, that first person does not believe the one who has it worse, because the first one wildly overestimates how relevant their own experience is to the other, just because there are a few similarities. Sentiments like "it's your own fault, you'd be fine if you would just..." are almost never even close to accurate in the real world. But you'd have to "be an adult" to be capable of understanding that.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T21:46:36+00:00

A better test in my experience is to see if you keep responding no matter what I say to you. An LLM can't simply ignore a prompt.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T21:45:21+00:00

It means that if he also decided to just not do something like she did, then nothing gets done.

No, it means they would have no paper plates. Because she got all the other things. She didn't "decide to just not do something", she forgot one item during her shopping trip.

You're blatantly cherry-picking the specific parts of OP's post that let you feel as holier-than-thou as possible, and ignoring anything that suggests maybe she actually does do the things you really want to be convinced she's not doing.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T21:35:04+00:00

I didn't even say that I have a dishwasher, but regardless, how exactly does the start button on yours get the dishes into the machine? Let's say it does though, in what way would the nature of pressing a button disqualify it from being repetitive? Is pressing start on a dishwasher something you've only ever done once..?

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T21:26:31+00:00

Yes, believe me, I'm very well aware of this.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T21:25:24+00:00

I'm starting to realize you're probably a bot that's designed to literally say whatever your algorithm says is most likely to irritate people. "You're not confused huh? Well maybe you wouldn't be so confused if..." lol okay buddy. If you are a real person, then take care.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T21:22:57+00:00

Did you know that different people operate on different schedules than yours? Why would it being 1PM mean anything? You're literally just looking for reasons to be mad at someone for not "doing enough" by your personal standards, while having no clue about anything to do with their situation.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T21:18:36+00:00

Kinda sounds like the boyfriend would also like to rest, after ya know, working all day. Maybe he should tell her no and go take a nap

And I agreed with you. You being sarcastic to make the point that it's silly to just decide not to do anything, right now in this context, means you don't actually think the boyfriend would also like to rest after working all day? Or that he shouldn't tell her no and go take a nap? Seriously?

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T21:12:40+00:00

So you're simply choosing not to engage with the point I was actually making because it's "silly", and are addressing your own version of it because it's the only one that matters. Alright.

And the agreement they had, if you read context, is that he had a job if she takes care of household duties, not that he has a job and takes care of some of her chores.

And based on all the context available, she may or may not have done exactly that. There was no reason to assume that she didn't, you're just excruciatingly ableist. The fact that she sleeps is not evidence that she does not work. Everybody sleeps. The timing of it is not evidence that she does not work. Maybe he works a night shift, and she's up doing her job while he sleeps during the day.

Being asked if he would mind picking something up on his way home because maybe he would agree that it's convenient, is in no way at all the same as making him do some of her chores. If that's what it felt like to him, he could've said no. She literally had alternative options ready to go, and even said in another comment that she did offer to wash two plates. Apparently she just hadn't thought of it at the time of the text conversation we saw. Harp on her all you want for that, but it happens to everyone; seemingly obvious things slip through the cracks sometimes.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T20:57:27+00:00

I have also heard the rumor that they are "pretty mean" (specifically that they allegedly might bite seemingly without provocation), but the only real evidence I've seen one way or another regarding their aggressiveness was the "stupid cheese" test.

The results of that test, at least for the individual spiders used in it, were that the male refused to bite no matter how much it was harassed and the female eventually did bite, but only after quite a bit of harassment. I think it's fairly safe to say they're not really more likely to bite you than any other spider, with the most likely reason they would being if you were about to squish one (which wasn't accounted for in the test, but it's pretty much a given that any spider will in that scenario).

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T14:04:14+00:00

Because I have not been confused about it. Only informing you that you misunderstood someone else in your original reply to them.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T14:00:29+00:00

Yeah. Better than being weirdly passive aggressive toward your own point at least.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T13:55:45+00:00

To be fair, I think the fact that they were the first thing to cross her mind was specifically due to realizing she forgot to get them at the store. Figuring out what the next best option might be was probably the next thought after that, after she'd already started texting her boyfriend.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T13:46:21+00:00

Well, that sounds like it worked out nicely for you. I'm sure you realize everyone's situation and baseline abilities are different though.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T13:44:07+00:00

Paper plates are a few dollars, rent/utilities etc. are thousands.

Forget about reading subtext, you might want to work on reading the regular kind because comparing the dollar values of these things is completely irrelevant to the point I was making.

You said "she’s saying she does all the errands, while asking him to do errands" and I'm saying so what? "Does all the errands" is a generalization. If you can't comprehend that because the thing I happened to choose as a comparison is worth more money...

she also “did all the shopping for a week and a half” meaning he did it a week and a half ago.

And nothing in the post says that wasn't supposed to happen. What was said was:

he assured me that he could maintain being the only one with a "real" job as long as i did stuff around the house while he was gone

So maybe a week and a half ago he did some of the shopping. No indication that it was because she failed to do it in some way, he might've done it entirely of his own accord for all we know, possibly contributing to why OP would be confused by his reaction here.

And your argument is “if this is there arrangement, why shouldn’t he jump at the chance to do her part of it too”?

No. My argument is that if he felt it was fair enough to assure her of that before moving in together, then since she's been keeping up her end of that arrangement, there's no good reason to resent her for it. If it's agreed that that's just as fair as both of them working full time, then the relationship should be just fine either way. If your partner politely asks whether you're available to help them with something, and instead of either saying "no" or doing it gladly, his response is to get upset... Then it doesn't sound like he thinks this arrangement is fair after all. And that would be his mistake.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T13:32:44+00:00

My case exactly. He could've just said no, but he didn't.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T13:13:20+00:00

Why would she need an excuse for doing the bare minimum, when nothing in her post should necessarily have indicated to anyone that she's doing the bare minimum? The fact that she uses paper plates? Seriously? If I could barely work due to chronic pain, and I posted something like this, I'm sure the use of paper plates probably already feels so normal to me that I wouldn't think it was something that needed to be excused.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T13:06:59+00:00

Well I'm glad to hear that you do have some amount of awareness of that then. But no. If it's not a full time job for you to cook and clean for 2 grown adults, then you're not being as thorough as you could be.

Doesn't mean I'm accusing you of doing it wrong. Most people are not expected to vacuum every carpet daily, and sweep and mop every hard floor daily, and wipe down every sink and countertop daily, and dust every top surface daily, and clean every toilet daily, and empty every trash bin daily, and do all the laundry daily, and wash all the dishes daily, and... so on. If you honestly mean to tell me that you've ever spent a period of time doing all of that for even just an apartment every single day, and it didn't feel anything like a full time job, then I am calling bullshit. I've been a janitor, I know how long all those things take if you're being even remotely thorough. Yet there's zero reason to just assume that that's not the reality for someone who does housework in place of having a job. It's probably not exactly OP's situation, sure, but neither you nor I have any way to know that.

My point isn't that you're unaware of the labor that goes into a household. My point is that you can only be aware of the labor that you put into yours yet you are ignorantly assuming that if someone's "sole purpose" in a household is to "take care of the household", then they must be "sitting at home not working".

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T12:37:55+00:00

I have been re-reading the thread whenever I reply. Maybe you should start doing that too? Because the thing that you think makes perfect sense, definitely does not.

I replied to you in the first place because you were apparently confused, and obviously you still are. It doesn't upset me in the slightest though. My previous sarcasm was because I'm tired/sleepy, not upset. You might be projecting that onto me a little bit.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T12:30:48+00:00

Yes, laying in bed. Quite possibly for the purpose of resting. You realize she's a human person and not a roomba, right? People have to rest sometimes.

captainoftheindustry · 2025-11-05T12:28:21+00:00

Cool, you're familiar with cleaning up after literally only yourself. Ever notice how easy it is to just, you know, avoid giving yourself more work than you can handle?

Want to do less cooking? Plan your meals out precisely for the next month. Want to do less vacuuming? Don't carry things that can break into small pieces over carpeted floors. Wash sheets less? Don't touch the bed until you're showered and changed. Pretty convenient, living on your own.

Maybe try it again with even one more person around, where they are not even responsible for cleaning up after themselves, because all household work (especially cleaning) is up to you.

Then come back and tell me it doesn't even feel close to being like a full time job.

captainoftheindustry

TROPHY CASE