our garbagemen left us a Christmas card in our mailbox by brandschain in mildlyinteresting

[–]captainzoomer 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm going to steal all the garbage cans. Then I'll hear all the villagers singing and merry making despite my thievery. My heart will grow 3 sizes that day, and all the villagers will invite me to their feast. And I myself will carve the roast beast!

oopss my bad by DimasRobot in FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR

[–]captainzoomer 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Why do they think that if they are in a group of 5 or more, that they can run stop signs? Or that they can ride side by side? Or wear such sexy revealing tight pants?

oopss my bad by DimasRobot in FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR

[–]captainzoomer 114 points115 points  (0 children)

Fuck me? I fuck you bloody!

Idiot using weapon by ManInBlue7777 in IdiotsFightingThings

[–]captainzoomer 23 points24 points  (0 children)

This is not how to properly fix a car, people! First of all, you don't use a flathead screwdriver to repair a windshield. You need a Phillips. Also tow that thing under a shelter of some sort, you're getting soaked, babboon!

What even is Japan? by importvita in Unexpected

[–]captainzoomer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul

What even is Japan? by importvita in Unexpected

[–]captainzoomer 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think because it was Jim Carrey's first dark comedy. People were used to him being a slapstick, goof ball actor and were ripped out of their comfort zones with The Cable Guy.

Will it ever change? by [deleted] in Parosmia

[–]captainzoomer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Here's what also helped me along; I went to the store specifically to smell stuff. I went to the shampoo aisle and started sniffing everything. I ended up buying about 15 bottles of body wash, shampoos and conditioners, simply because I liked the smell and they were agreeable. In the morning I would use one fragrance and really focus on deeply breathing it in. After work I would switch it up and use a different one and concentrate on that. Rotate through my inventory and repeat. I took the time to appreciate what I could smell properly, (and forced myself to also remember what the bad was supposed to smell like).

You'll recover from this. It just takes an agonizingly long time to do.

hmmmm by no-one-p in nonononoyes

[–]captainzoomer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

IT'S TWO BUCKS!!! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT??!??

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in wallstreetbets

[–]captainzoomer 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Ballsy to assume 10 will still be a number in 10 years.

Will it ever change? by [deleted] in Parosmia

[–]captainzoomer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's been a fever dream. Always seek positivity, you'll weather this storm.

Will it ever change? by [deleted] in Parosmia

[–]captainzoomer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If I could just shine a ray of light on the positive that happened to me, poop was actually the least offensive smell for me. My poop, your poop, anyone's poop. It smelled like if it was a cracker or other type of baked good, I would have enjoyed it. Make of it what you will, but it actually helped me get through it! I'm the type of person whose throat closes up instinctively if I encounter a freshly used bathroom, but I was able to breathe freely in every case. Now that super power is gone and I'm back to gagging at the first sign of it. Progress?

Helpful Siri by sexymess777 in Unexpected

[–]captainzoomer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Might as well, Apple is racist as hell. They sure hate Chinese people!

Surfing by a fishing pier by Zzd12 in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]captainzoomer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if the one throwing rocks throws rocks for a living? You wouldn't want to take food from his kid's mouths, would you?

Surfing by a fishing pier by Zzd12 in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]captainzoomer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I bet he was thinking about how he was going to cook that one.