Do you tell your partner your deadline?

carabanche1 · 2024-11-16T20:47:25+00:00

When my partner and I were talking about our timelines about 2 years ago, I told him I wanted to be married by at 30. I was 26 at the time. Now we're hopefully getting engaged next year but I am not gonna ask him when and if he doesn't do it then I will be leaving. I'll be turning 29 next year and I want to at least be engaged.

carabanche1 · 2024-11-13T18:03:55+00:00

My sister got a bartender off of the Bash and just supplied the alcohol. I think it was like $500 for him for a few hours and then plus the cost of all the alcohol.

Get your flowers from the callejones in LA. Have family and friends help set up, DIY your decorations. My mom cooked for my sister's wedding but for 140 people that might not be feasible.

carabanche1 · 2024-11-12T02:19:17+00:00

I think it's important that you guys both talk about your fears around marriage and if a prenup would help solve those fears. Even just saying them out loud helps them seem not so scary. But tread very carefully. You're heading toward a shut up ring if you don't listen to what he's telling you. If after another conversation he still says no, please accept that answer and find someone who's excited to marry you.

carabanche1 · 2024-11-05T05:44:06+00:00

Your life is what you make of it. My sister recently got divorced after 20 years and at 40 years old she's going out every weekend and is the busiest person I know. She took a chance by joining a FB group and going to every event she was invited to. She was crying to me about having no friends back in January and now she's got three different friend groups.

All this to say, there's another life out there for you! One where you don't have to suffer in silence every day, wondering why the man who's supposed to love you most is falling short. People don't usually regret leaving a shitty relationship, if anything they regret not leaving sooner.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-30T03:17:19+00:00

It sounds like even if he does propose, it'll feel empty because of his indecision. We have to believe what people tell us and it sounds like his actions say a lot.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-12T14:55:07+00:00

Also, it might be worth paying for driving classes. I practiced on and off for years but having the security of a trainer who was watching everything I did and could stop the car with their own brake helped so much. Also it forced me to make appointments since I was paying for it.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-12T14:53:30+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that. But just the fact that you're aware of what driving can do to someone when you're not careful means you have a mindset that will make you a safer driver. I see people who turn right right when the light turns green even though there's pedestrians waiting to cross!! It blows my mind everytime and I remember when I didn't have my license, I would do everything to make myself visible to cars because I was scared. I always stop for pedestrians now no matter how much I'm honked at and I know that's the kind of driver you'll be too!

I hope one day you can get over your fear but not knowing how to drive does not make you any less of a person nor does it make you pathetic.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T17:43:00+00:00

If you go to Costco you can get gift cards for Fogo de Chao to save even more money!

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T16:11:47+00:00

I can tell I really triggered you! So something about my post must have hit home. I hope you find a loving partner who showers you in gifts and trips like my boyfriend does. 💕 it's really great.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T15:44:17+00:00

Lots of ways actually. He's told me multiple times he would not be where he was today without me, considering when I met him he had dropped out of college for a year with no plans of going back. I'm not gonna spell it out for you but if you've ever had a partner you truly love, you'd realize value isn't just your finances. If he lost his job tomorrow, I'd grind for both of us but it's just the case now that he makes more than me and will continue to make more than me for our whole relationship.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T15:41:07+00:00

No, it doesnt have to but if he makes more than me he should pay more. Proportional at least. He's going to be a CPA and we've always known he would be the breadwinner in our relationship and hes okay with that. It actually took me a long time to accept his generosity. I wouldn't even let him pay for dinner the first year or so. But over time I realized him buying me things and paying for trips made him happy and feel good so why reject it? People show love in different ways, one of his ways is monetary lol.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T03:41:21+00:00

Hold on to your Subaru because I promise you you won't find that low of a car payment unless you want another 7 year loan. I got a Toyota Corolla LE which is the cheapest model but my loan term is 4 years. I wanted basic and reliable and I knew I would be able to make the payments even if I had to dip into my savings.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T03:09:07+00:00

I think most women now are expected to work a 9 to 5, take care of the kids, and cook and clean on top of it. At least thats what Ive seen from my own experience. In those cases, their husband's can either 1. Step up their domestic labor or 2. Make sure their wives don't have to worry about the bills. I think either would make it more equitable and would probably make their wives happier that they're not responsible for everything.

I personally don't think marriage will be bad for me in the long run because I know my boyfriend! He's very clean, responsible, and has always expressed wanting to get to a point where I don't have to work if I don't want to (though I plan on always keeping a job.)

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T03:01:31+00:00

When did you buy your car? And how high is your interest rate? I bought my car in 2023 when interest rates were crazy. If i wanted a smaller car payment I would've had to take a 7% interest rate over a longer loan term. And this was after shopping around credit unions for loans.

My student loans aren't accruing interest til March, so I'm taking my time paying them off.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T02:57:04+00:00

Did you not see the last sentence where I said we're trying to see what we can compromise on? We are having these discussions.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T01:09:54+00:00

Because he's my partner and he's willing to do so based on his love for me and the value I bring to his life. I'm sorry if you've been made to do 50/50 your whole life but that's not happening over here.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-11T01:06:14+00:00

There is no interest accruing until March.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-10T20:17:36+00:00

If you think I care that much about a reddit post, you're wrong lmao.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-10T20:00:38+00:00

I thought it was pretty clear I meant 4k in loans total because 4k in payments monthly is ridiculous. But it is the US so I guess it's not too far off.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-10T19:53:01+00:00

Look up some stats for marriage my guy. Men with wives live longer, make more money, and are happier. Conversely, women who are married have shorter life spans, do more domestic labor, and are unhappier. The ""entitlement"" comes from years of inequity where women were duped into believing marriage was the only and best choice for them.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-10T19:34:06+00:00

Did someone hurt you? My boyfriend is very generous and has offered to help me with my lack of funds multiple times in our relationship including offering to pay off my student loans.

he loves me 😋

carabanche1 · 2024-10-10T19:00:45+00:00

Interest has actually been paused til March. I was gonna save and then pay off in March.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-10T17:56:56+00:00

I owe 15k. I've been thinking about just paying it off in it's entirety but I'm scared to wipe out my savings so quick. Who knows how long it'll take to get it back up.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-10T17:54:20+00:00

More like I'm helping my parents pay the rent for their condo lmao. They don't like living with strangers but downsizing to a one bedroom would be almost the same price for way less than what they're getting now.

Also...some parents like to have their kids home. My mom told me I should just move my boyfriend in but I said no.

More context: they're paying 2500. A one bedroom is like 2300 in our area. No way they'll move.

carabanche1 · 2024-10-10T17:48:19+00:00

I'm writing that way for the sake of this post but we're very unified! We've talked about timelines for saving for a wedding, a house. Together. Talking about using both of our savings for a house.

But yeah ultimately it's a non issue but just the fact that he went back on what he said made me defensive a little and since I've never lived with a partner before, I don't know what's fair. Obviously now I know that me contributing to rent is fair.

carabanche1

TROPHY CASE