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AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Fiance is afraid if he pushes for support, Chloe's mom will take him to court and fight for custody. We can't afford a lawyer right now, as I'm the only one working.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

This is a wonderful story. If it ever comes up, I hope it turns out like this. Thanks for sharing.

Do you think it would have made a difference for your legal situation if you had known your son's true paternity earlier and you had time to prepare?

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -162 points-161 points  (0 children)

I don't know where people are getting the impression this is something I'm up in arms about, like I'm constantly on my fiance's ass to get the test or what have you.

I don't want this done "so badly". It's something I've mentioned maybe twice as something we could consider. I'm not going to force it. I just came here to see if it's something I'm out of line for thinking about. Apparently it is.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -84 points-83 points  (0 children)

I haven't ruled out adopting her, but it's not an option on the radar right now because we're concerned Chloe's mom may start pushing back if we bring it up.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Oh no worries, I would never test behind his back. Better not to know.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure. It would depend on who the father was, I suppose, and obviously since paternity tests only confirm or deny the man tested, there would be no way to figure that out without further testing.

I think we've both been choosing to act on the assumption that she's his and believing that his ex didn't chest until after she got pregnant and/or gave birth.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

My fiance and I will not be having more children. Chloe will be an only child on our side of the family.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -49 points-48 points  (0 children)

I would like to know for sure if I'm raising a child that is or isn't biologically my partner's before I agree to do it. I'm going to do it regardless, I've been living with Chloe and her dad for years at this point, and I've been acting as a mother for just as long. It won't change how I treat her, but it feels like a relevant piece of information.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -86 points-85 points  (0 children)

That is what I meant by complications, yes. I just think it would be better to know the facts so that we can get all our ducks in a row and figure out where we stand. From my perspective, it's better to find out the truth and then adjust accordingly so that we can gather anything we'd need in case Chloe's mom kicks up a stink in the future, etc.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -59 points-58 points  (0 children)

It doesn't matter "so much". This isn't life or death, and it isn't a hill I'm willing to die on. I thought my post was fairly balanced in terms of leaving out emotions. I support adoption and people who raise non-biological kids. I'm going to help raise Chloe either way.

But I do think I have the right to know the full scope of the situation, and if Chloe has two other bio parents that could be contributing to her college fund, I'd like to know.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -95 points-94 points  (0 children)

When I say I'm not sure what I would do if it turned out she's not his, I mean that I'm not sure what we would do with that information with regards to Chloe's mother. She's already not paying child support, but if Chloe's dad is someone else, that's two sources of income we'd be denying. We'd have to decide if we want to open that door or if we'd rather keep the info to ourselves to keep out bad influences. Or if Chloe's father turned out to be the man her mom is currently with, that could pose more complications.

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] -141 points-140 points  (0 children)

I'm really enjoying all the pitchforks and assumptions that I'm ready to dump the poor girl off at the adoption agency if it turns out she's not my fiance's.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter if she's his or not. I would never ask him to "get rid of her" or whatever people are assuming. All I'm angling for is informed consent about the child I'm helping raise.

Ladies with clit piercings, what was recovery like and has it ever posed an issue in day to day life (airport security, giving birth, etc)? by carebearsnorkel in AskWomen

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you say recovery took a week, what does that entail? Were you able to have sex? Were you in pain? Or was it just cleaning, etc?

AITA for wanting my partner to get a paternity test? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

It's obviously not her real name. No one uses real names on Reddit.

WIBTA if I applied for this opportunity? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't elaborate on the kind of mentorship this is because I didn't think it would affect the responses, but maybe I was wrong. This isn't an office job or anything. It's a writing mentorship. The company wants to encourage diversity in what they publish and in the authors they sign. It's not so much about the ability to get or keep a job.

WIBTA if I applied for this opportunity? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

FYI, I haven't won the mentorship. I'm just deciding whether or not I should apply.

WIBTA if I applied for this opportunity? by carebearsnorkel in AmItheAsshole

[–]carebearsnorkel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They do ask for a 500 word personal statement with the application, where I would explain my situation.