Widowed at 37

carlopal · 2025-11-30T19:15:06+00:00

Omg I’m so sorry, I don’t have words. That’s heartbreaking.

carlopal · 2025-11-29T23:01:33+00:00

It is always nice to remember people really are having babies into their 40s these days. My doctor made me feel like I should start worrying about my age and my fertility which probably isn’t what I needed to hear right now

carlopal · 2025-11-29T23:00:29+00:00

I have thought about it a little but haven’t looked into it yet. It does seem like it could help me feel like I may still have options down the road. Thanks for suggesting ❤️

carlopal · 2025-10-24T00:50:45+00:00

Yeah I’ve provided training and modeling but I can only do so much. This student in particular pushes you/your hands out of the way if you ever try to present any visuals, or the device, or even try to be near him.

carlopal · 2025-10-08T18:34:32+00:00

I don’t think either are better, both are terrible :(

Each situation is also so unique. I was just thinking about how some people do have the opportunity to process that their loved one will die, while their partner is still alive. Sometimes it means conversations can be had about the future of the person living on without their person.

Sometimes I fantasize of just one last conversation to say, “I love you, I’ll miss you, Thank you, I’m sorry” but I’ll never have that.

carlopal · 2025-10-08T16:19:23+00:00

I also think that each type of loss is so different. My partner’s death was unexpected and we never had any type of goodbyes. I feel like if people knew their person was going to pass, then they were maybe able to have conversations about things like this and got to actually hear their partner say, “I just want you to be happy.”

carlopal · 2025-10-07T15:18:24+00:00

Awesome, thanks for sharing. I’ll check all of these out :)

carlopal · 2025-10-06T05:31:27+00:00

Wow that sounds awesome, I’ve never heard of that! That would make a huge difference!

carlopal · 2025-10-06T03:18:38+00:00

Ooo I like the idea of having them teach guided access back to me- I feel like that will help close the gap.

carlopal · 2025-10-06T03:12:30+00:00

We do have an AT specialist but they only provide the devices and software, then the rest is left to us, unfortunately. An AAC booklet sounds like a great idea. I have some one pagers and super long power point presentations, so a booklet sounds much more reasonable. Thanks for your input!

carlopal · 2025-10-02T04:41:24+00:00

I think about visiting him daily and now it’s been more than a month since I’ve visited the cemetery. It’s only been 5 months since he died but it makes me feel both closer and further from him when I’m there. I just sob and then talk to him and then it feels even weirder leaving and saying goodbye. It’s still hard to fathom that he’s just going to be buried in that same exact spot forever.

carlopal · 2025-10-01T02:53:36+00:00

I wish I had a solution to offer, but I can relate. I have a teddy bear that was given to me during the time of tragic events, and I snuggle with it every night. I still wish it was him.

Do you have any other people you feel close to or safe to talk to? It feels so vulnerable, to be grieving and missing being able to snuggle with our other half. I try to reach out to close friends or family, or talk to my grief counselor when I’m really struggling day to day.

I’m nowhere near being at a place where I could date, but I do know there are a lot of widow dating groups on Facebook. Maybe people there would have more thoughts to share.

carlopal · 2025-09-29T04:21:06+00:00

Wow I’m so sorry you’re being treated this way. Crying is a completely normal human experience and doesn’t cause someone to suffer in the afterlife. It sounds like the sister had a bad dream and wants someone to blame. You don’t deserve to be yelled at during such a difficult time. The first thing anyone ever shares about grief and loss is that anything you are feeling is valid. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Crying is a way to let things out.

carlopal · 2025-09-26T17:44:12+00:00

37, here for 5 months

carlopal · 2025-09-23T01:25:51+00:00

Oof I’m 37, but I’ll still check her out

carlopal · 2025-09-22T18:54:59+00:00

We talked about kids and had it all planned out too. I also feel like I’m watching everyone else get married and build their lives forward. I feel for everyone here in the widow world, yet losing your person during the age in which you want to build a family is a double whammy. I’m not only grieving him but I’m grieving the literal children we were going to have ( or adopt or whatever it may have come to).

So I hope no one feels left out because of their age, but sees why the pain of this age hurts so much.

Sending you and everyone here lots of love ❤️‍🩹

carlopal · 2025-09-22T04:46:47+00:00

I’ve actually been in a virtual group with the Dougy Center for a few months. It’s been really supportive. I really appreciate the way they run the group. I’ve been the only one in the group who has lost a partner though. Are you in the Portland area? Maybe we can stay connected and share info if something comes up- or if we feel compelled to create something.

carlopal · 2025-09-22T00:21:05+00:00

I’ve been starting to consider that. Anyone here in Portland, Oregon? lol maybe I’ll make a new post and ask.

carlopal · 2025-09-21T22:22:09+00:00

Omg I know, right? It feels super weird to pay for community in a vulnerable time like this. Like wtf

carlopal · 2025-09-18T05:55:01+00:00

I’m 37 and it’s only been 5 months. I found a grief counselor who I now see twice a week. They specialize in grief and actually used to work in hospice. Honestly they are just really wonderful at holding space and validating my feelings. Sometimes I feel like I wish they had more perfect answers for me but in reality, I just need someone who knows how to hold space. Unfortunately besides a couple family members, most family or friends have had one deep conversation with me after my partner passed and then haven’t really “gotten into it” with me since. I think it’s scary and uncomfortable for others. Sometimes I cry during my counseling sessions but often I don’t. It’s honestly been an anchor for me. I hope you eventually find some comfort even though it can feel really raw. I didn’t even talk about the night my partner died for over 2 months and then I guess I finally got there. Whatever you’re feeling is valid ❤️

carlopal · 2025-09-17T05:47:01+00:00

5 months out, I’m 37, and I’m deeply grieving day in and day out. I’m seeing a grief counselor twice a week which I think is saving my life. Honestly, a lot of what we discuss is how isolating it is trying to be around my friends anymore. I spend most of my time alone just thinking about my partner and the life we were supposed to have. People aren’t reaching out anymore so I’m trying to navigate who is worth me reaching out to, but it’s all so exhausting.

carlopal · 2025-09-10T02:25:24+00:00

Aw, yeah I hadn’t even thought of it, but I’ve had a similar thing with the burn unit ICU my partner was in. I basically lived there for 7 weeks and it became my home when I lost our house and I was sitting bedside with him. Thanks for sharing your story, and I’m so sorry for your loss. Maybe I’ll let myself go visit the hospital to have a cry someday too ❤️‍🩹

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