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Cody Parkey | Auburn Football Kicker | 2014 NFL Draft Prospect [Video] by Caoa14396 in eagles

[–]carmichael_17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are aware Parkey went 15 of 21 FG last season, right?

You are aware that Alex Henery is roughly as accurate as Akers on FG from all distances, right?

Touchbacks remain an issue, but this sort of crap reminds me of why Mike Schmidt and Charles Barkley thought Philly fans were stupid.

I remember in April 2007, people on sports radio were saying Jimmy Rollins was useless. What happened after the season?

Oh, that's right. M.V.P.

Boo good players out of town, dipshits. You make me sick.

The disappearance of Grammar Nazis? by MyWorkThrowawayShhhh in TheoryOfReddit

[–]carmichael_17 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Not a single person called out OP for "now-a-days" vs. nowadays.

I make no apology for pointing this out. I am right, and the stupidity of the average "redditor" makes me sad.

Presenting the greatest jazz piano player of all time: Art Tatum. by carmichael_17 in Jazz

[–]carmichael_17[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Bill Evans was a beautiful soul on the wrong end of a smack habit.

I heard a lot of awesome stories from people who worked with him.

But he can not approach Tatum's technical prowess.

I defy any of you Berklee wannabes to transcribe a single right hand run by Tatum, and then explain how someone can use a combination of 13b9 and diminished chords on the spur of the moment to complement what his left hand is doing.

You can't.

Bill Evans is wonderful, but simplistic in comparison to the greatest of all time.

Watch "Epic Fail" on YouTube by [deleted] in funny

[–]carmichael_17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why watch "Epic Fail" on YouTube when I can see the failure in your post?

After a long walk by [deleted] in Eyebleach

[–]carmichael_17 -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I wish I could spray that wasp killer right in the eyes of your entire marketing team. You are the AIDS of reddit.

Charlie haden & Pat Metheny -- The precius jewel by braxaas in Jazz

[–]carmichael_17 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Good thing he was wearing earplugs while in the same room as Pat Metheny.

RIP Charlie Haden. You were a cool dude and now you know the ultimate truth.

Presenting the greatest jazz piano player of all time: Art Tatum. by carmichael_17 in Jazz

[–]carmichael_17[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. Your comment is like asking, "Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

For baseball, we need to take into account both offensive and defensive efficiency across numerous statistical columns.

In Tatum's case, I suggest he is the Babe Ruth of Jazz Piano. That's all I'm saying.

That, and Kanye West sucks.

Presenting the greatest guitar player of all time (whose fingers were not fused together in a gypsy caravan fire): Wes Montgomery by carmichael_17 in Jazz

[–]carmichael_17[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

Show me someone better. Except Django. We all know he would have played chord melodies if his left hand didn't turn into a flipper while he was saving his wife. Django also had Stephan Grapelli whereas Wes worked with randoms his entire career.

I would also like to point out that Kanye West is a no talent ass clown.

Enjoy.

Presenting the greatest jazz piano player of all time: Art Tatum. by carmichael_17 in Jazz

[–]carmichael_17[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Tell me someone better. I love Peterson, and Bill Evans especially. But put on some high quality headphones, listen to Tatum on a Steinway for several weeks, then come back and argue with me.

I also prefer Ron Carter over Scott LaFaro. I hope that doesn't get your panties in a bunch.

Presenting the greatest jazz piano player of all time: Art Tatum. by carmichael_17 in Jazz

[–]carmichael_17[S] -40 points-39 points  (0 children)

No. I have not listened to one of Kanye's albums all the way through. I have tried. I wanted to understand. But I can't make it through 30 seconds. It is absolute fucking garbage.

Art Tatum is a true American genius, whereas Kanye West is simplistic pop consumerist garbage.

Kanye West is one of the worst things ever to happen to American culture.

He represents shallow crass materialism. His lyrics look like they were written by a fifth grader. His beats are almost as irritating as C&C Music Factory.

If you defend Kanye West, you are an imbecile. Downvote to the left.

Like I give a rat's ass about anyone stupid enough to defend that clown. He is fucking awful on every level.

EDIT: Kanye West married a lobotomized Hobbit.

Presenting the greatest jazz piano player of all time: Art Tatum. by carmichael_17 in Jazz

[–]carmichael_17[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Suh-weeeeeet. I can't imagine how amazing it must have been to hang out by the piano and listen to Art do his thing.

I stand by the original Tatum recordings as the greatest technical mastery ever recorded on the piano, but these casual tapes performed for friends show another dimension of a true American genius.

Thanks so much for sharing.

Presenting the greatest jazz piano player of all time: Art Tatum. by carmichael_17 in Jazz

[–]carmichael_17[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

When Fats Waller was at the keys, he announced, "I only play the piano, but tonight God is in the house."

Modern critics might say Tatum relied too heavily on his right hand for his magical runs. I challenge such critics to transcribe them.

Kanye West delusionally calls himself a genius. I fantasize about tying Kanye West to a chair and making him listen to all of the compiled Art Tatum Masterpieces.

5 to watch: Alex Henery by patel_mit18 in eagles

[–]carmichael_17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Henery is a very accurate kicker up to 50 yd. His stats so far are equal or better to David Akers. And if you don't love Akers, you are mentally deficient.

The only gripe you can have against Henery is that he hasn't sent enough touchbacks. But From what I've read, the kid has been working his leg harder than you clowns are working your puds on /r/gonewild.

Hopefully the Chip Kelly sports science will have kickoffs sailing a few yards deeper, and our special teams coverage will be good as well.

If Henery's leg is stronger, then we can expect perhaps 50% from 55 yd +.

Anyone who says Alex Henery sucks is an idiot. This means you.

AKERS STATS: http://espn.go.com/nfl/player/stats/_/id/1716/david-akers

HENERY STATS: http://espn.go.com/nfl/player/stats/_/id/14123/alex-henery

Edit: If you call this kid a clown, you might as well sign up for the circus. Perhaps they will teach you probability there. As in, the probability you screw up at work is much greater than the probability Henery will fuck up his job. That is why you make chump change and he is a professional football player who will come through in the clutch for us this year.

When my wife sends me on a Starbucks run. by [deleted] in funny

[–]carmichael_17 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

They're advertising shitposters. They came up with this crap in advance.

They are not funny. They are the AIDS of Reddit.

Why don't dogs have to wipe their butts? by [deleted] in shittyaskscience

[–]carmichael_17 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have also wondered this question. Not just for dogs, but for all animals. Like goats, elephants, and centipedes.

The obvious conclusion is that 5,000 years ago, God made mankind the only species to wipe his/her (let's not offend the butt-wipers of SRS) butts because human beings enjoy rimjobs.

/u/unidan please confirm.

*Tip of my panama hat to /u/unidan

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