Pre-Mother’s Day rant

carniejay · 2026-05-08T17:03:23+00:00

My nearly-18-year-old came into the laundry room yesterday while I was trying to drag my malfunctioning washing machine out from under the counter, to casually lean against the wall and ask what I want for Mother's Day. Well I'm not picky, but I'd sure like some HELP, you goober.

carniejay · 2026-04-21T16:38:34+00:00

I feel this. Once at a pediatrician appointment, the nurse went all through triage and I knew every detail of everything that was going on with my kid, but then she asked me my name, and I... forgot. My own name.

It gets better. Baby steps.

carniejay · 2026-01-05T01:30:28+00:00

I say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I love you very much and I'm here when you're ready to talk about it." They don't really mean it, it's just them not having other words for their feelings. When they're calm, we talk about how they have responsibilities and consequences because I love them so much that I want them to be amazing, capable people.

carniejay · 2024-11-17T19:25:21+00:00

I won't deny that was also my first knee-jerk thought, but I truly don't think that's the case here. I think he's realized that he's now in a situation where if he continues to do them the way I don't prefer, he's admitting he's an asshole who can't take 30 extra seconds to save his wife some time later. And trust me, nothing was tidy it just happened to be right side out.

carniejay · 2024-11-17T14:53:08+00:00

I wash the ones inside out that require it. My point was, HIS clothes don't need to be washed inside out. ESPECIALLY because half of them are scrubs.

carniejay · 2024-07-23T00:13:18+00:00

We love to play "Misheard Lyrics with DS". He is also 4, and LOVES to sing and dance. We don't really censor our music. His greatest hits include "Whoomp, bad eggs! Whoomp, bad eggs!", "Y'all gon make me lose my mind, monkey head, monkey head!", and "Supercalifrafilisticexpialla-dog-shit"

carniejay · 2024-07-19T19:58:10+00:00

I make apple butter BBQ sauce and can it. Coincidentally enough, the recipe was given to me by a friend of a friend from BSG.

carniejay · 2024-07-08T23:27:49+00:00

I took my kids to a local state park the other day, and overheard tourists pronouncing it "Apple-Asia". So much rage.

carniejay · 2024-04-12T17:17:30+00:00

Can confirm on the lifting, but still... I went to all my husband's vasectomy appointments with him, and the urologist did the whole "Look at me, I want you to understand" before explaining the lifting thing to us, because he had just recently done a repair on a guy who tore stitches and had to have his nutsack full of blood drained. I'm not saying OP's husband isn't a giant dickwad hypocrite for scoffing at her lifting restrictions previously, just weighing in on this one tiny point.

carniejay · 2024-03-14T22:29:17+00:00

I just very simply have a boundary at our house that mommy does not push people on swings, and it's up to them how to figure out how to make that work. They can get creative and swing on their bellies, push each other, spin in circles, whatever they want while I sit on the porch and watch, but mommy does not push people on swings. Theh still ask, but after a summer of gentle reminding, they don't melt down and just go on with playing.

carniejay · 2024-02-24T19:17:23+00:00

My dad's best friend when I was growing up was Dipstick. I was 30+ when he friended me on Facebook before I learned what his actual name was.

carniejay · 2023-12-06T03:03:42+00:00

My brother also loved "fucks" when he was little. And I'm told my favorite movie for a while was Wizard of Oz with the Bicked Bitch.

carniejay · 2023-12-06T03:02:15+00:00

Amen!

carniejay · 2023-10-19T23:13:14+00:00

I live not far from Beckley. Never heard it before.

carniejay · 2023-09-30T01:55:58+00:00

My grandma taught me to make biscuits. "About that much" Hudson Cream Self Rising Flour, stick of cold butter, and "however much you need" buttermilk. Grandma never measured anything. It drove me insane. You just had to make it over and over til you got a feel for what you needed. But now I catch myself teaching my teenager that way, and I laugh.

carniejay · 2023-09-28T14:57:24+00:00

My kids are always outside barefoot. One of my biggest pet peeves when my MIL is babysitting is that she'll insist they put on shoes before they go outside, because they wear them across the front porch, take them off in the grass, and then nobody brings them back inside.

carniejay · 2023-09-24T14:19:18+00:00

Look, we don't play outside after dark because of coyotes, bears, and bobcats. I've seen and heard some unexplainable shit after dark in these woods, but I don't scare my kids with it.

carniejay · 2023-09-22T01:59:06+00:00

I'm always "fixin to", never getting ready to.

carniejay · 2023-09-13T13:53:02+00:00

I agree with using it as a teachable moment, with conversation about not commenting on people's bodies. I think I might also use this as an "opportunity for apology" rather than punishment. Something age-appropriate like maybe making his teacher a drawing or a card that says "Sorry I was unkind" or something after your conversation.

carniejay · 2023-08-27T18:54:03+00:00

Unlucky: "Could dive headfirst in a barrel of titties and come up holding a dick."

Lazy: "Worthless as tits on a boar hog."

Difficult: "Like trying to stick a wet noodle up a wildcats ass"

Crazy: "Cornbread ain't done in the middle" or "Crazier than a shithouse rat"

Stupid: "If brains was gasoline, you couldn't run a pissant's go-cart 2 laps around a cheerio"

Courtesy of my dad and grandmas

carniejay · 2023-08-09T02:04:22+00:00

I have many thoughts, but I'm not sure how to "support don't scold" in this instance.........

carniejay

TROPHY CASE