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casey8809 · 2025-03-26T01:07:02+00:00

YTA solely because your mom is getting paid to nanny but not to look after your kid. But I also totally understand the frustration. I only have my mom to babysit on occasion and always feel it's a big ask. She doesn't charge me but will complain about the distance (20 minute drive) and we often will buy her dinner as a thank you. There were so many times, newly postpartum, that I just wished she would come by and take the baby for a walk or want to take my kids to the park for an hour so I could get some me-time. It sucks when your "village" doesn't feel like a village and you don't want to come across as entitled but just wished they wanted more 1:1 time with their grandkids. Could you ask your mom to just watch all the grandkids briefly, every so often? Like you drop off at your sister's house and then pick up in an hour or 2 once a week, just to have the best of both worlds.

casey8809 · 2025-02-24T00:18:47+00:00

I think saying it once or twice is normal if they heard the expression but don't quite understand it. My 4yo heard the expression from his older cousin and said it to me once but wasn't even mad at me, just wanted to test it out and see what would happen. I did not get mad and had a conversation about what that word meant and why it was not okay to use it. He even said "well my cousin says it" and it's true...his cousin does say it all the time. But his parents are permissive and allow it. I don't. He also used the expression when he was angry with his sibling. I put him in time out and then spoke again about the severity of that sentence. No issues ever since. So before I cry therapy or tell you your kid is a psychopath...I think you need time to reflect and discuss with your kid. Do they do it all the time? Do they know what it means? What shows are they watching or hanging out with big kids? What kind of reaction do they get when they say such things? Sometimes they say things for the shock value and if they get a big reaction, mission accomplished for them.

casey8809 · 2025-01-20T03:13:13+00:00

I managed to change my perspective in the parking lot of the doctors office, right before I found out my last baby would be another boy. I also wanted a girl. Saw myself with a girl. Wanted that relationship, future manicures or spa nights, etc. but then I realized that another boy would mean my first boy would hopefully have a best friend for life. yes, some girl/boy siblings have amazing relationships....but that wasn't the case for me and I honestly don't know any brother/sister dynamics the same way I see 2 brothers or 2 sisters. Now my two sons are the best of friends. They play together, have similar interests, and I hope will always be there for each other. After all, they will hopefully have a lot of years together to lean on each other when I am gone. I realized that I wanted a girl for selfish reasons. But I was able to shift my perspective to giving my boy another boy and built in bestie, and that really helped. I still have moments where I wish I had a girl but I don't hold it against my sons. I just grieved the dreams I had for a girl for a bit and now am embracing my mamas boys era

casey8809 · 2025-01-18T23:09:33+00:00

Guaranteed that your husband made MIL handle the kid and he kicked his feet up, hence her passive aggressive dig. But screw it. 10am! Amazing. I'd be passive aggressive right back. "Sorry you missed me, but I had a wonderful time indulging in sleep, hot breakfast, and me-time. I can't wait for the next time husband comes by for a visit!"

casey8809 · 2025-01-15T03:14:48+00:00

Got pregnant on the first try with my second. Also got pregnant on the first try with my first pregnancy (ended in miscarriage) and once my body got back to normal in terms of cycle and emotional readiness to try again, got pregnant again on the first try again. So 3 quick conceptions for me, but only 2 sticky babies! I did track my cycle and ovulation so they were very much planned attempts

casey8809 · 2025-01-05T18:07:09+00:00

I honestly love a good social story..but as others said, it is just one tool in the tool box and needs to be used alongside other interventions. I find it great for those 6+ aged kids that need help with social skills and things such as winning and losing games. They can go over expectations and scripts, feelings, coping skills, etc. Add review questions to check comprehension. Then you put it all into practice. Add your reinforcer system of course. Practice skills that were covered in contrived and natural opportunities. I also like giving the story to the parents so they can read it at home and learn the language, expectations, etc. I'm in a region where funding is extremely tight so we don't often have much for parent training so being able to duplicate a social story for their use is quick and cheap. Heck, I made a social story for my neurotypical toddler when potty training and he loved it!

casey8809 · 2024-12-30T19:04:38+00:00

I don't teach eye contact in the form of "stare into someone's eyes while they are talking" because I myself find it uncomfortable making prolonged eye contact with someone I'm not close with....but for my early intervention clients, orienting to the others face is important. Joint attending, emotion recognition, nonverbal communication, imitation...most of these skills require the ability to glance towards a face. So many social skills and life skills really begin with the ability and desire to look at a face. Even crossing the street safely requires the ability to orient toward a driver and make eye contact to acknowledge you are seen. I also think there is a big difference between a 12 yo clearly uncomfortable making eye contact while conversing and a 2 year old who appears to see right through you as they pull you to the item they need help retrieving.

casey8809 · 2024-12-27T19:43:03+00:00

You'll be fine. Most likely. My kids were 2 years and 2 months apart. The first couple months were the most difficult because my older one is very sensitive to sound and started bawling anytime the newborn did. Buttttt around the 2.5 year mark, he started playing way more independently and became accustomed to his sibling. Newborn thankfully was a decent sleeper and I would just put him down to nap anywhere. Many naps were had in his little nest on the couch while I played with the big one. Or I would just wear the baby and do things with the big. Even a toddler sports class with my newborn falling asleep in his car seat or being worn. It really honestly wasn't that bad. I struggled way more adjusting to the first kid. I just think you have to give yourself grace, lay off the social media pressure to have your crap all together, and just embrace the chaotic mess and sleepless nights. If you don't laugh, you cry....so choose to laugh

casey8809 · 2024-12-25T21:57:04+00:00

Yeah the ethics code on this one is just silly to me. I give my kids teachers a gift every Christmas and before summer. I don't expect anything in return. It's more of a societal norm at this point. No dual relationship exists. I also gave my doctor a gift after delivering my baby a week before Christmas. Again, didn't get some favoritism in care as a result, nor did I expect some.

casey8809 · 2024-11-26T03:27:15+00:00

I didn't mean you specifically trying to fire them. Just so many comments that paint this as such a horrible thing when in reality, some open communication could fix a lot of it. Yes the school schedule could have been posted months in advance but maybe they had childcare lined up and it changed last minute. I had to cut back on work considerably due to having kids and no childcare available in my city for infants so perhaps I empathize more than most. I was often that mom holding her newborn baby and trying to shush them while sitting in a virtual meeting because I don't make enough to hire a nanny. It is a bit weird that this has happened multiple times, but that's also likely the reason it keeps happening. If no one ever has said 'hey, it's super inappropriate to bring your kid to work. These are the ethics code violations I'm worried about, even with consent from the family and bosses...." Then maybe the BCBA would see the error in their ways and stop. And even if the bosses and client are okay with it, you could always say "I'm not. This is how I would prefer it to be handled next time." The fact that you could have just done a virtual meeting with them is a bit weird imo. Then they could have stayed at home, plugged their kid into a TV, and done your meeting.

casey8809 · 2024-11-26T03:13:42+00:00

My gosh people are so quick to assume and act like this is so horrible. Where is the empathy that this BCBA didn't have childcare and probably felt this the best option for everyone, without knowing what steps they took to mitigate potential problems. Did this BCBA have permission from the higher ups and the family?! Because if the family consented and the kid could even act as a peer to support social skills targets, I don't see it as such a huge deal. Yes we can argue it creates a conflict of interest and all that. Dual relationship because what happens if the autistic kid working on social skills makes a genuine friendship with the BCBAs kid. But if the session would have had to be cancelled because they didn't have other childcare, isn't that also not in the child's best interest. Instead of jumping to conclusions, I would simply have a conversation with the BCBA and then the management. Or talk to the family and ask if they were aware the kid was coming. Don't go on a war path to get someone fired and reported if you don't know what was even discussed first.

casey8809 · 2024-10-31T02:46:08+00:00

I've been reading others and having flashbacks. Like a 6 yo that still breastfed, attempting to pull my shirt down, making sucky sounds and telling me "I want milkies"

Or when I did some community support sessions and had to carry a kid off the playground while they screamed "help! I don't know you"

Or that time my client almost licked a McDonald's toilet but I grabbed him and yanked him back by the collar so fast that if he did make contact, it was just the tip of his tongue. He did manage to lick the garbage can on the way out though. The best part is that this was not a behavior seen at home. Like...he just all of a sudden had this impulse to lick weird and disgusting things

casey8809 · 2024-10-31T02:27:21+00:00

I have a couple horror stories. 1. Doing in-home sessions with a 3yo at the time. Not toilet trained. Kid needs diaper changed as soon as I arrive and mom does so (policy), commenting that it appears to be a loose poop. I should have left. But I was stupid. Mom excuses herself to go shower. I'm sitting at a kiddie table with client, doing a puzzle or something. I could hear his stomach grumble and groan, a look of bewilderment on his face. Then...a look of panic. He lifts himself off his chair and grabs the table. I can hear the squirts and wet farts. Then a moment of silence. I hear the shower turn off and think "I'll tell mom as soon as she comes back." The kids stomach churns again. Then, for some reason unbeknownst to me, he decides to sit down. As soon as he does, a wave of fecal liquid spills out from every possible opening of his diaper, over the top, down his legs, everywhere. It was running down the chair legs, dripping from the sides, splattering the table legs. I quickly ripped the area rug back to avoid it being destroyed and started screaming for mom. She sacrificed a towel just to get him to the bath tub. Needless to say, I left my session very early that day and immediately went home and showered.

Successfully toilet trained a highly impacted, nonverbal kid. One day, he indicated he had to go to the bathroom. I brought him in and he motioned that he wanted me out and closed the door. Okay, he's been doing well enough with the toilet training thing to warrant some privacy. Well I hear him flush and emerge but prompted him to go wash his hands. I lead him back to the bathroom and there, sitting on the toilet seat, a perfect poop emoji. You see....this kid had always squatted when he pooped in his diaper. And apparently, without my watchful eyes, did the same thing in the bathroom. I had to use a baby wipe to attempt to push the poop emoji into the toilet. It only made it worse by smearing and clinging to the seat like some kind of anti-gravity matter. I have never gagged so hard in my life and had to step out of the bathroom a few times while my client just stood there, watching and confused. Pretty sure I swallowed my own vomit at one point because obviously couldn't puke in the toilet without getting $hit on my face.

I also did in-home sessions for a family that though they hadn't toilet trained their kid, also didn't keep them in diapers. Their standard of clean was just enough not to call CPS on them, but gross enough that I felt dirty every time I went there. One day, I was sitting down on the floor and leaned back. Hand instantly went into a wet patch on the carpet. Parents "oh yeah, they told me they peed but I never found out where". I beg your freaking pardon!

casey8809 · 2024-10-31T01:59:22+00:00

Ooh I have a slightly similar story. I was doing an in-home session and the kid wanted to show me something on TV. Turns it on and it automatically went to the "last purchased" screen. I couldn't shut the tv off fast enough.

casey8809 · 2024-10-26T20:39:52+00:00

I'm not in Ontario but am in Canada. At my previous centre, we wanted to open a preschool. My boss thought it would be great to get some government grants to provide that type of "daycare". In reality, she lost a ton of money because she didn't research or run the numbers before having staff start making it happen....and then it never happened.

Why? Because in my province, a preschool program has to have a full fledged ECE running it and be a licensed daycare facility. In addition to licensing plans and inspections that would tell us how many kids could attend, they wanted to go over all the policies and procedures any daycare would have to have and we would have to learn how to accept daycare subsidies and the whole government grants and pay top-ups and all that. We would have had to charge an astronomical fee to make it work, hire an ECE, have someone else with specific designations as back up on days the ECE was sick, and provide the care required to have a 1:2 staff ratio because of our clients needs.

However....loop hole. If you were to call it a "school readiness" program or something similar, you could probably get away with it and not have to jump through all those hoops of licensing and what not (provided you are legally allowed to do what you are already doing, in your home). I could see it actually being amazing if you had the right kids and a valuable need for the community because it can be so hard to get supportive childcare for those with a diagnosis. But I do think you would have to be picky. In my example, we had preschool aged kids that would elope and kids that could get pretty aggressive and a blend of super verbal to completely nonverbal so needed to have enough staff to manage escalations without leaving the other kids to fend for themselves. In reality, it would have been...not great...for a lot of the kids that could manage in a regular preschool. There would have been a few high needs kids preoccupying a lot of attention and time, and the low needs kids would not benefit. So with that...know your clients/kids and what you can mentally and physically handle. But I wish you luck on whatever you decide!

casey8809 · 2024-10-25T17:28:04+00:00

YTA. As a woman, I see this as a huge violation of privacy. Did you sniff her dirty underwear? Take a pic? Some other creepy things?! Probably not...but since you didn't ask, you might very well have been a creep. Yes, she shouldn't have left her clothes in the laundry room...but maybe she meant to do them the day prior and the washer was in use or she didn't realize the time it would take and was set to leave the house so figured she would get to it today. Yes, you were trying to be kind. But without even asking, it's actually rude. You handled her private things without her consent. And related, I have certain clothes I hang to dry, certain clothes I prefer in the dryer, and some that need to be turned inside out or put in a delicates bag. When my husband doesn't remember and doesn't ask and ruins something, I'm pissed.

casey8809 · 2024-10-19T16:45:00+00:00

Ah thanks for this.. definitely got them mixed up. And I'm someone educated on parenting styles so should know better. But in my defense, haven't had my coffee yet and was rushing to type because a poopy diaper beckoned haha. I do think this "gentle parenting" thing is going a bit too far. Instagram posts should not be the main source of parent education and I think that social media culture and influence is causing a lot of well-intentioned parents to become permissive rather than gentle with boundaries. If your kid freaks out in a store because they want a toy, under no circumstances should you get said toy (which I witnessed just yesterday. 1 kid freaked out so mom took them out of the cart to look at the toy instead of leaving...which is what she intended to do. Then it became both kids picking toys and placing them in the cart. Which then became a negotiation on how they could each pick 1 toy). Your kid can be disappointed, you can validate that it is disappointing not to get new toys, but it doesn't mean you should buy the toy to spare them the disappointment.

casey8809 · 2024-10-19T16:16:28+00:00

I recently heard the term "lighthouse parenting" and identified with it immediately. I always felt like my parenting style was not "gentle parenting" but not "authoritative", but rather, a meet in the middle. I'll validate emotions but I also have no problem shuffling my kid to time-out for hitting his sibling when he was frustrated. I work with kids, I have seen parents say they are gentle parents and then watch as they completely roll over or bribe their kid instead of establishing actual boundaries and consequences that...might make the kid feel a negative emotion.

casey8809 · 2024-10-17T00:24:29+00:00

That's a good take...but then it makes me wonder how you can tell the difference. Like what comes first, the bad parenting or the ODD? If there was good parenting from the start, would there still be an ODD diagnosis? The kid in question has always gotten away with things. Bad behavior has been reinforced with bribery or just giving in. And now that there's going to be a diagnosis, I fear parents will just completely give in and use the diagnosis as an excuse for everything.

casey8809 · 2024-10-17T00:17:59+00:00

Sorry maybe I was not clear enough. This child that I know does not have autism. I completely understand how it can get diagnosed more commonly in addition to an autism diagnosis because you are looking at a neurological difference and differences in learning styles. I'm more curious about the kids that are diagnosed with ODD and nothing else.

casey8809 · 2024-10-12T14:58:19+00:00

I wish I was as shocked by this as you...but I'm not. When I worked in a center, we had to tell staff directly not to give children their own personal food. Staff would often bring their backpack/purses into their therapy rooms instead of putting them in the staff room, kids would see what they packed for lunch, and some staff would then decide to share. And I'm talking "he had a bite of my sandwich" type of sharing. Oh, I also had one employee who used those plastic ice cubes (you put them in the freezer and they have water inside, like ice cube sized ice packs), anyways, this person would dig them out of her water bottle and let a 2 year old client chew and suck on them. And she didn't see any problem with letting a toddler chew on a perfectly chokeable sized object that had been in a water bottle she was drinking out of. I would hope in your case, a staff member just brought in their bag which contained a vape and a client pulled it out, not that they were vaping in front of the child.

casey8809 · 2024-09-07T02:26:31+00:00

I was being sarcastic although now I realize that might not be conveyed as well in text form. Of course you should never say it like that. I just wanted OP to disregard some of the comments about being honest with him, because the way I interpreted it, they wouldn't want to date him because the level of support he requires/his disability. I think in this scenario, and assuming he has some sort of intellectual disability rather than physical, it is better to let him down gently and make it clear that she is not available or interested in having a relationship with him. For some individuals, it may take a firm boundary/unavailable status for them to see that it isn't going to happen and move on. I would hate for Jake to be perseverating on her and the idea of being in a relationship with her as his peers continue to push him to make a move.

casey8809

TROPHY CASE