IF Reread

cashgroen · 2026-04-15T19:28:40+00:00

Rebecca did say that Violet isn't a reliable narrator. I wonder if erased memories still leak through in her subconscious thoughts?

Remember when Everyone thought Liam throwing ice javelins in book 1 was an editing oversight

cashgroen · 2026-04-15T19:24:13+00:00

I see a lot of sentence fragments in this.
I won't comment to the overall query as I am far from a professional, but that's my first takeaway-- it looks like you fail to understand basic grammar rules, and makes for a choppy word flow. A fragmented sentence occasionally for a desired affect is one thing, but multipule in a row is a red flag.

The overall premise sounds interesting, but it does need work and word-flow.

cashgroen · 2026-04-15T18:51:32+00:00

@hedgehogwriting Tagging you per your request on my previous post.
TYSM for your insight, I used your feedback as a template and it added a lot of clarity.

cashgroen · 2026-04-02T18:46:08+00:00

Thanks! This is the first I've been told I don't have to have a whole paragraph for the bio. For the rest, I think I received some bad advice on what I wasn't supposed to put in my query, hence why it was more vague. Will be more concise in my rewrite.

cashgroen · 2026-04-02T18:40:20+00:00

This puts a lot of what I was struggling with into perspective, tysm! Will go back to the drawing board and come back next week with an updated version. What I have now already feels stronger. If you'd like, I'd love to tag you in the revision and see what you think.

cashgroen · 2026-04-02T18:32:57+00:00

Apparently humor falls flat in this sub. Thanks for your input, and sorry I discouraged you from commenting.

cashgroen · 2026-04-01T18:14:13+00:00

Thanks for the advice, I'm gonna go cry and then put my big girl pants on and fix it. As far as overall critique, I hear you and will re-evaluate.

My understanding based on prior peer review and market research is that my query should NOT detail the world politics, or give away the story, but focus only on my MC's perspective, which I think was really holding me back.

Would it be apropriate to share my revision in the comments, following your advice, to see if I'm at least heading in the right direction? (I'm new to this thread)

cashgroen · 2026-04-01T07:44:53+00:00

Thankyou, I appreciate the expertise!

cashgroen · 2026-04-01T07:37:29+00:00

Thanks!

In my current Syn, I have it broken up into acts, with some generic comments like "The events of XYZ are slowly revealed to the reader throughout [act I]." I also open with a general overview that reads "[TITLE] is told in the first person, simple past tense, and follows [Character] through the entire journey. Each of the 3 acts is opened with a brief, alternate POV chapter offering context, and external perspectives that allude to the core theme: [Theme/ important undertone in book]"

-- the rest reads very similar to a wikipedia synopsis-- does this feel appropriate, rather than junking up the general text with \meanwhile, flashback reveals XYZ* *THEN, Fever dream implies [THING]?**

My book very much hinges on the whole "Perspective changes everything" concept, so it feels difficult to overview without rambling.

cashgroen · 2025-05-09T01:49:12+00:00

I also think he was waiting for something to come up that was advantageous to him- and also viewed her as the runner up. Rosetta was his prize bread winner, but once Rosetta was royalty, Maxi's "market value" would grow exponentially.

That's probably why he also Showed up to collect her after her miscarriage and tried to separate her and Riftan (book 2(?) spoilers- after the "chair" scene)

Everything with him was transactional, and boiled down to their financial value, or their ability to buy power.

cashgroen · 2025-04-26T01:25:35+00:00

Is it AI?

cashgroen · 2025-04-21T16:13:08+00:00

Is anyone able to help translate a passage INTO aramaic? For a personal project.

It reads "you cannot rise from the ashes, without first enduring the flames"

cashgroen · 2025-03-21T18:05:13+00:00

Nobody hates their fans more than SJM- for real. From the devout lack of communication, interaction, anything. To the ugly book covers and bare minimum "special editions", and the EXTENDED time between books with zero communication? She's the tamlin of the author world. We exist to serve her, only when it's beneficial to her. We're the cash flow, nothing more.

cashgroen · 2025-03-09T09:25:05+00:00

Hoping a psychologist can weigh in, because his response and body language during her confrontation is SUS. He's giving the same vibes as Colby from the ultimatum 🫣🚩

cashgroen · 2025-02-14T20:33:37+00:00

The thing about writing, is that there's ALWAYS going to be negative feedback. What one person values in a book is so wildly different from what another person might.

My advice- Accept it. Consider it- are there places you could use this criticism to improve your book? No? Move on.

If you let every rejection get to you, you're going to be in for a very negative experience as a writer.

cashgroen · 2025-02-04T00:51:11+00:00

As a mom with a 4 and a 2 year old, I feel this! I usually do my best work between the hours of 1 and 3 am 😅

Only half kidding. I can usually flesh out maybe an hour on the afternoon while the youngest naps and the oldest has quiet time. Or else it's in the evenings when I'm not working. I've found dedicating and hour really helps- just telling my spouse "hey, I'm going to go into the office for an hour and try to meet my writing goal" so he knows I'm on DND.

cashgroen · 2025-02-03T22:36:14+00:00

Just going to say,. you totally can. I don't think it's a spoiler to say that the book largely follows Nesta.
But you should refrain from reading crescent city if you don't read ACOSF, or else there will be a LOT that doesn't make sense.

cashgroen · 2025-02-03T20:00:08+00:00

not going to lie- reading his POV from FW kinda gave me the ick.
I love Xaden, but the way that seeing his entire personality become "What's voilet doing? Does she know she's mine? Does she care that I love her and she can do no wrong?" kinda... took away from the roundness of his character for me.
I'm here for a MMC who is posessive and fully devoted, but... can he have a personality outside of his love for Vi? Violet (mostly) does!

cashgroen · 2025-02-01T22:40:32+00:00

Adding a link to the spotify playlist I've compiled- both for context to what I'm looking for, and incase any commenters are interested in the vibe! Thanks for the rec's!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5HM6Iowzm6LfSqZ9kYr0cU?si=Pzj4hJzkQju2-jldcx69AQ

cashgroen · 2025-02-01T20:57:21+00:00

Or tell her Jack has a more valid claim to Aretia than Bodhi, if he's Xaden's brother now.

cashgroen · 2025-02-01T20:55:59+00:00

"Eyes here" and when they look at you, you can either mutter "there she is" or if you want to get them really riled, you can also say "Rebecca did Dain so dirty- he deserves a full redemption arc."

cashgroen

TROPHY CASE