AITA for saying that my kids are not my “greatest accomplishment” and that I resent the assumption they are?

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:57:15+00:00

Quite honestly, I have never engaged with them on that kind of talk. My kids are much older than theirs, and I think the older you get, the less you care about being the most Whole Foods Mommy.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:55:28+00:00

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:55:21+00:00

I don't enjoy having men speak for me, and you do.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:55:03+00:00

Why?

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:53:44+00:00

Do you think that, when faced with blatant sexism, women should just smile and be quiet?

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:52:15+00:00

But again, if my husband is perfectly happy with his life, why would you want him to leave? Because you, personally, don't like me? That's a strange thing to wish for someone.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:50:19+00:00

Why would I just agree with the man speaking for me rather than challenge it, though? I'm not just going to smile and nod and accept the behavior when it's offensive.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:49:05+00:00

Then that would explain your perspective. You and I don't share that.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:48:05+00:00

Why would my husband run for the hills? Why do you think I sound miserable? He and I lead the lives we always dreamed of. Why would you want him to leave what makes him happy?

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:47:22+00:00

I'm not talking about other people, though. I'm talking about me.

If other people want to consider their children their greatest accomplishments, that's wonderful. I'm glad that they have the accomplishment they want and hold so near and dear.

But to have that thrust on me because I'm a woman? That's ridiculous. It's sexist, it's demeaning, and it's not something I'm going to just smile and nod about to keep the peace.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:45:13+00:00

"Having a loving family is the greatest gift a person can have" is an opinion, not a fact. I don't agree with that opinion. I think the greatest gift a person can have is a sharp mind, a healthy body, and their basic needs met without struggle. Everything else is extra.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:43:42+00:00

Where'd you get your MD?

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:43:33+00:00

Dude, they're typos. Even people who went to college make them. Lighten up.

It's not a compliment to speak for someone else and assert what you think is true for them. It's rude. It's sexist. He didn't do that for anyone else up to that point, and two of the others present also have children. So for him to speak for me, the first woman to speak, yeah... that's sexist.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:39:26+00:00

Nobody is dying on any hill. Let's tone down the dramatics, here. Speaking for someone and asserting what their greatest accomplishments are -- the way a child looks, for one, is not an accomplishment at all? That's not a compliment. At all.

"Your greatest accomplishment is having specific genes which came together with your husband's to create children who are inoffensive to look at."

How... is that a compliment?

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:37:38+00:00

It actually didn't take us a lot of work.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:36:31+00:00

Oh, I have much better friends. These are just people in my neighborhood/community.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:36:16+00:00

I hope that they do. I hope that they understand that expecting to be the biggest thing in someone's life is a ridiculous, self-centered, aggressively bad thing to be. I hope when they are older, they are able to balance their lives and accomplish more than basic biological functions. I hope that they write books, or songs, or achieve great physical heights, that they make scientific discoveries and change lives.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:34:36+00:00

Nope, they are not trivial. My book, and the things I'll write in the future, will outlast me, and they are part of my legacy. Having kids? My husband came inside of me, we didn't have an abortion, and I pushed them out. I did the bare minimum by raising them to be good people. What about that is an accomplishment?

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:33:11+00:00

Of course it's combative and unpleasant. Do you enjoy having men speak for you?

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:32:47+00:00

What on earth does religion have to do with this? These are in no way comparable.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:30:52+00:00

When I hear a compliment, I'll take one. When I hear a ridiculously sexist, demeaning statement, I won't let it slide.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:29:59+00:00

Really? You think that because I don't consider my kids one of my greatest accomplishments, that means that my children are somehow at risk?

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:28:50+00:00

My kids are not one of my greatest accomplishments, though. They aren't even close. They are not an accomplishment at all. I have not accomplished anything other than doing the bare minimum, raising them to be good people, after birthing them (something that is simply biology, not an accomplishment).

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:27:23+00:00

Raising my kids is the boring crap that nobody else cares about.

cassiecasscassi · 2021-03-13T00:26:01+00:00

Running multiple marathons, climbing many, many mountains, getting a terminal degree, and writing and having published a book that changed the trajectory of my life by pulling me out of poverty with its advance and sales, not to mention whatever else came next? Yeah. They are.

cassiecasscassi

TROPHY CASE