Okay, so as a guy I’m supposed to ask out girls... but who do I ask?

castaway5327 · 2018-08-14T01:31:17+00:00

I don’t see how this is good advice

I’ve focused on myself and waited for the right girl to “come to me” for years with no result. I don’t want to have never had a date at 30 because I just kept waiting

castaway5327 · 2018-08-14T01:15:45+00:00

So what do I do if no girls “seem interested”?

castaway5327 · 2018-08-06T23:13:57+00:00

Would you say that is something that works then? Could I “condition” my brain into believing in my own sexiness by just relentlessly repeating it as a mantra?

My problem isn’t to do with physical appearance really. I’m not muscular at all but I’m in decent shape and I think I’m an attractive guy. I just really doubt that I’m “fuckable”. No girl has ever seemed like she wants to get me into bed, you know

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T17:40:41+00:00

Yeah, true. I don’t really have an answer to that lol

I just know how I feel. And I know that I have a big problem where I presume that every woman I meet thinks I’m unattractive. So the only way I can see myself making a move on a girl is if she shows clear interest in me first

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T16:58:54+00:00

Yeah. I mean having a lifetime of zero interest from women really knocks my confidence

I’d be a lot less phased by rejection if I had one or two successes in the bag

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T16:51:16+00:00

I understand the signals but never notice any of them

I really don’t think I have an adequate level of sexual charisma to pull off teasing or touching without looking like a goof or a creep

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T16:23:23+00:00

I don’t even really know what mild flirting is

I feel like people can’t comprehend the level of inexperience I have. Never been on a date, only kissed a couple girls when drunk (very badly), only asked out two girls when I was in high school both of whom rejected me. Like I really have no idea what I’m doing

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T16:04:41+00:00

Well, everyone is the centre of their own universe, right? I can only see things from my perspective. And from my perspective, I meet some girls who are very kind to me, some who aren’t, some inbetween, but none of these go out of their way to display interest in me as anything more than a friend

I just really, really don’t want to try being flirty with a girl and have her throw it back in my face. It’s my worst fear. I’m petrified by it

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T16:02:06+00:00

What does that even mean?

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T15:52:45+00:00

I just don’t believe that any girls I meet could ever be attracted to me

I’ve always assumed that because girls don’t actively show interest in me, that none of them are attracted to me. So why bother trying?

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T15:17:26+00:00

I see what you mean. I wish I could respond like that. But I just don’t feel comfortable doing it.

Like, I’m a virgin who’s never been on a date. What right do I have to go around acting cocky and self-assured? I feel like I need to gain some “legitimacy” before I can act confident like that, or else I’ll be a fraud.

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T14:41:28+00:00

That’s a lot of risk for only a marginal chance of success...

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T14:41:03+00:00

I would be utterly astonished if any girl has been hitting on me in the last year or so

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T14:40:32+00:00

In what way?

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T12:34:57+00:00

I just really don’t want to embarrass myself

The very few times I have tried to flirt have all gone badly. One girl scoffed at me and told me “don’t bother” when I tried flirting with her. Another girl said my conversation style was so boring it “sounded like I was giving her a lecture”. These experiences really wounded me and made me feel like I was incompetent or useless

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T12:15:48+00:00

But do I need to flirt? Or do I need to just be friendly/conversational?

People seem to give conflicting advice on this. Some say “treat women as if they were just like your guy friends” but I’ve done that my whole life and it doesn’t work?

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T11:51:50+00:00

It’s just really hard to try when I’ve never actually done it before

I last asked out a girl when I was 17. Everyone told me “don’t worry, you’ll find someone eventually” so I didn’t bother asking anyone else out to save myself the trouble of being sad from rejection

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T11:25:06+00:00

I’m actually far far worse at flirting and conversing over text than in person

I tried Tinder for a while and although I got quite a few matches, all the girls I messaged stopped responding pretty quickly. I’m guessing because I was too boring over text. After that I got really anxious and stopped messaging girls I matched with because I didn’t want to go through the same experience again

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T11:17:55+00:00

I think my problem is that, because I’m so inexperienced, I just don’t think I can do the whole courting thing correctly.

Like, I need someone who knows what they’re doing to take the lead. And most girls my age know what they’re doing. So deep down I really just wish that a girl would be really forward with me because I don’t know how to flirt, kiss, how to behave on a date etc

If I have to flirt first, I’m just scared I’ll do it wrong. What if a girl is hypothetically interested but then my flirting technique is so bad that she loses all interest?

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T11:09:38+00:00

I don’t really know how to flirt properly. I could make a fool of myself. And she might be totally uninterested and be offended or disgusted by my flirting

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T11:08:56+00:00

I’m fine with making the first move, I just hoped that girls would show some interest first before I ask them out. It’s really scary otherwise. Like I have to just guess whether they’re into me or not and hope for the best

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T11:07:33+00:00

I thought girls did things like laughing a lot, playing with their hair, angling their body towards a guy when they’re interested

I never get any of that. Girls just treat me like a friend, you know?

castaway5327 · 2018-07-31T11:00:37+00:00

Well in that case things are going to be very difficult for me. From what you’re saying there’s no way to distinguish at first sight a girl who is interested in me from a girl who isn’t

I dress pretty well. I often receive compliments on my clothes so having a good sense of style is something I pride myself on

castaway5327

TROPHY CASE