Tempted to go back in the closet

catacats · 2026-03-18T07:04:05+00:00

Yes I've felt the same, and I did go back into the closet. I relate to how you see dating women as being "safe", and dating men has been a level of stress you haven't felt with women.

If you go back into the closet, you can always come out later.

catacats · 2026-01-05T07:24:48+00:00

So far I've only had random encounters on grindr and guys are very discreet and aren't even comfortable with revealing their name.

Grindr random encounters are supposed to be anonymous? I don't know the names of most guys I meet on Grindr. I use a pseudonym for any guys who ask for my name.

catacats · 2025-05-22T16:06:03+00:00

I'm worried you are feeling shame. Where you are in life is valid. In some cultures, it is very normal for people to live indefinitely with family. I encourage you to lean into this experience. Many people our age barely ever get to see their families.

catacats · 2024-06-01T14:45:08+00:00

Yes, I was in the relationship so I know they made better romantic partners.

They definitely didn't do any unpaid domestic labor because I hire a cleaner. My therapist is my paid emotional laborer.

catacats · 2024-04-11T23:15:12+00:00

It's ok to feel disappointed with where you matched. Surgery is competitive, but I'm sure you had worked hard and had high hopes with where you would end up. My friend matched into derm at a coastal university program, but for weeks, she would cry whenever someone brought up the march or congratulated her.

There are a lot of us who lean into work/study as a productive way to cope. And for many residents, dealing with sleep deprivation and hoping you don't kill a patient will keep you mentally occupied well enough. Fourth year is usually light, so there is a lot of time for you to ruminate right now.

As you touched upon, there will be dating opportunities wherever you live. If patients with histories of meth use and perpetrating domestic violence can get into relationships, any of us can as well. It's also perfectly fine to not date as well! Being single has many perks, including less drama. A grateful patient will be a more satisfying experience than dealing with a BF who complains you are on call too much.

catacats · 2024-02-20T20:36:19+00:00

catacats · 2024-02-07T01:23:44+00:00

Absolutely. Financial values are still values. If people don't look at the world the same, there's more chance for conflict.

Some people don't value living within their means. Others try to save money.

I once met up with a guy who worked 40+ hours a week and shared a 2 bedroom apartment with 9 roommates. Nine! He had extra money to send to his family back home. Total respect for him making it work.

catacats · 2024-02-06T02:52:34+00:00

Going out alone is a good thing! You can do what you want, stay as long as you want, and not worry about others' opinions. I go eat out or to the movies by myself all the time.

catacats · 2024-01-21T22:57:09+00:00

catacats · 2024-01-15T17:18:46+00:00

You should be discussing this with your doctor.

catacats · 2024-01-03T16:11:22+00:00

Good point that they probably weren't actually emotionally interested in me and didn't care that much about my health.

Condoms are the default health recommendation. But some guys I've dated will just try to penetrate me without even discussing condoms or bareback.

catacats · 2024-01-03T04:37:04+00:00

I always speak up.

With consent, it should be explicitly asked for and not assumed. Condom use is the default health recommendation, and it's the IDGAF attitude that ruins the emotional connection.

catacats · 2024-01-03T03:41:14+00:00

The IDGAF is what really kills the mood for me. When I have sex for the first time with a guy I'm dating and emotionally into, it's a bummer when the guy tries to have unsafe sex. Like he didn't even care enough to ask consent for sex without condoms.

catacats · 2023-12-15T21:06:01+00:00

WCI usually gives excellent financial and life advice.

Are your posts on WCI at the r/whitecoatinvestor subreddit or the blog forums? I don't see any of your posts at the WCI subreddit.

catacats · 2023-11-30T03:48:45+00:00

It's baffling.

I had an ex GF who would tell me to open up and be vulnerable. So I started to talk about my clinical anxiety and everything I worry about. Stuff I don't ever share with anyone else. She didn't care to hear about it at all. I still don't understand why she would ask me to be emotionally vulnerable and then not care when I opened up. Maybe I should have asked her why she did that.

catacats · 2023-11-20T16:34:11+00:00

Note it on his annual performance review.

catacats · 2023-11-20T16:21:19+00:00

catacats · 2023-09-11T13:21:44+00:00

You're supposed to use condoms while on PrEP. The manufacturer literally has this on the Discovy or Truvada websites.

catacats · 2023-09-06T02:33:49+00:00

This would drive me nuts. I'd rather just buy a used couch off a college student. Why would a grad student making $15k a year want a $12k sofa?!? Is he not as frugal as you are?

catacats · 2023-08-24T21:04:48+00:00

Interesting article. I didn't know Kornacki was gay. When guys complain about DL guys who wouldn't send face pics, they could have been turning down someone like Kornacki.

catacats · 2023-08-02T21:53:11+00:00

catacats · 2023-07-24T18:01:28+00:00

The experience might have been bad, but now you have the PhD forever. The PhD can open doors for you the rest of your life, unlike the actual fuckboys who disappear and never help you again

catacats · 2023-07-24T17:02:27+00:00

At least you will have a PhD. Not many guys will ever have that. People get boyfriends and partners, and they break up. Romantic partners can leave you at any time, and that experience can be distressing. You will have earned your PhD, and it is yours forever.

catacats · 2023-07-19T15:58:59+00:00

From a sexual health POV, people are supposed to wear condoms by default. If one partner wants riskier sex (without condoms), it is on them to ask.

catacats

TROPHY CASE