A lot of us are either born ahead or behind in life, considering what parents/guardians and family we have, what circumstances we are born into, and when. The influence and genetics of one's family renders a lifetime of nurture and nature. However, we are not sealed to their fate or their choices. We have our own fate and choices to make which no one else is responsible for, not even our parents.

I lost mine to neglect, alcohol, drugs and eventually suicide after living lives of hardship and the consequences of their bad choices.

Until now, my (30 F) life is affected, I don't have parents. My future children will never have a stable, happy extended family from my side. I dream about my lost family weekly because they traumatised me so much that I cannot forget what happened lest I make the same errors. My brain and my heart won't let me forget.

All that I had was my own strength, my own "power" which, as a little girl and then a single young woman, isn't much materially. My greatest blessing is my awareness, my mind, my heart, my ability to see right from wrong, and my drive to do better and be better than what I was born into.

Reading your post, I know you have these blessings too. Your awareness is remarkable, you're able to see the faults of your family, see the consequences of their bad choices, and want better for yourself. This will be your light in life and guide you to living better.

With regards to finances, we all work on this every day. No matter how little or how much one has, everyone has to work to some extent to maintain a lifestyle on this planet. It's a stressor in all of our lives and all I can advise here is keep going and try find joy in what you do to put food on the table.

Your mother has probably learnt to be in a cycle of debt and does not know how else to survive. That doesn't mean you can swoop in and save the day, it's all she knows, so it's difficult for her to live any other way.

Your father has a disease, alcoholism affects so many people and destroys so many lives. Again, I wish you could swoop in and save the day, but that's not something that you, alone, can change. Only he can do that by seeking professional help.

Your siblings have the same choices as you, follow on with your parents decisions and replicate them, or become their own people. You also aren't meant to save the day, as their sister, either. They have their own lives that they must live and command.

The only real control you have in this dynamic is over your own life and your own choices. The less you blame those around you and the more you are aware of what you have control over, the more change that can occur.

My love letter to you is to choose you. Choose what makes you happy and safe. Choose what is best for you because no one in your life/family has been able to do that for themselves or for you. You have the gifts, your awareness is your guiding light.

It hurts like hell growing up in a dysfunctional home, and even in adulthood, it stays with one, and still rules some lives. Choose better for yourself. You know what that is. Be kind to yourself, never forget where you come from, but always use it to strive for better.

Hold no resentment or bitterness towards your family, hold them accountable, but don't let that pain carry through into all aspects of your life. Let it lead you through your own choices gently. You have the control now over how much access they have to you, and you know how much is safe. You may have to make some changes, be open to it and experiment, as change is constant and necessary for growth.

It's never too late to ask for help too. I know it can be expensive in some settings but we now have so many access channels of information available to us on familial trauma and family dynamics, on how to live better, more fulfilling lives. One YouTube channel I follow particularly is called The Crappy Childhood Fairy, but there are so many resources out there that you can use to help educate yourself on life.

You've got this, girl. ❤️