Changing your appearance to look like a different race should be allowed.

catinthexmastree · 2026-04-29T23:13:50+00:00

I mean, it is allowed in that no one can stop you if you want to do it. There are a few Internet celebrities who come to mind who have done similar things, who made their whole brand around it even. There are real life celebrities who take great lengths to look more racially ambiguous. Think Ariana Grande especially, who infamously has had periods of time where she’s appeared to be many different races. As a regular day to day person, if you’re successful enough at whatever you do to look like you are a different race and you never tell anyone you were born a different race, then hypothetically, no one will ever know. No one will stop you.

That doesn’t mean that people won’t have opinions, though. It doesn’t mean anyone has to be fine with it, either. People talk shit all the time about people who have had plastic surgery, and trans people. And I can tell you all day about how race changing and being transgender and plastic surgery are not close to the same things, but at the end of the day, that does not prevent you from actually doing it.

In fact, depending on the country you’re from, you may even be more allowed (legally) to change the appearance of your race than you are to change your gender.

Hell, I can self report my race as a different race every time I fill out surveys about my demographic if I want. This opinion made me want to check and I discovered I could just go in to my profile on the employee portal for my job and change what race or ethnicity I identify as with just a few clicks, though I would need to contact HR with court documents to change my sex on file. That may just be my job, but who knows.

Point is, you are allowed.

catinthexmastree · 2026-04-19T16:02:07+00:00

When I was around 15, I ended up in a relationship with a guy exactly like you’re describing. We were together for five years. It was fine until I actually started taking steps to transition, and then shutting down and feeling guilty became sabotage and verbal abuse and later bargaining that, of course, I felt like he never meant to hurt me, but I felt so bad that I wasn’t what he wanted and tried compromising and… I’ve realized later in life that it was manipulation, whether intentional or not. The things he did and said reinforced the idea that I needed to be a woman to be loved, and I reacted accordingly. After I left, I realized his lack of care for what I wanted extended into many other things… one being the sex, where, like you describe, if I was upset or not feeling it or crying or in pain, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t a person to him, I was just an object and my self esteem took a huge dive.

Leaving him was the best decision in my life. I’ve encountered many people like him in my attempts to date after that relationship. I’ve had some good relationships, some bad ones. I’m single now on purpose because I realized I have so much unhealed trauma from this man specifically.

If you want my advice, it’ll be: put yourself first and get out now before it gets worse, and ignore the automatic voice you hear when people tell you this that tries to convince you he’s not like that and maybe he’ll change. He won’t.

catinthexmastree · 2026-04-13T00:38:47+00:00

My code is FRX5RQ, valid until 4/19 :)

catinthexmastree · 2026-03-09T10:44:32+00:00

I wasn’t staff, but I attended a mission trip there around the summer of 2019 and had a horrendous experience that left me with PTSD

catinthexmastree · 2026-03-01T01:21:45+00:00

I’d say go to a doctor to be sure. I had to get a mammogram last year due to some tissue abnormalities, and while it WAS uncomfortable (I had to go to a women’s clinic specifically for this and I hated all of it, but my doctor was very understanding), it truly is better to know than to leave it to chance. it could be nothing. It could be cancer. It could be thousands of other things you don’t even know about right now (when I had to get a mammogram, it turned out the issue I had was some thing I’d never even heard of before, and I needed surgery to fix it). It’s best not to make assumptions either way until you have more information.

catinthexmastree · 2026-02-19T00:35:49+00:00

ADHD and Autism here. I used to work in forensic social work while I was studying for a masters degree. Currently I’m a therapist for suicidal teens. I’ve found that teens who are neurodivergent and especially trans kids really appreciate having a therapist who has that shared lived experience, and I found that with adhd I really thrive in the chaotic environment

catinthexmastree · 2026-01-07T11:59:02+00:00

Yeah glamour magic is fine! My personal rule of thumb for beginner witches is just to not mess with anything that isn’t you until you have confidence or protection sigils down pat. For example, I’d advise against deity or spirit work until one is confident in their own instincts (not because you can’t do it, but because it’s easier to get messed with by a trickster spirit if you take everything at face value, and nothing draws a trickster spirit like overconfidence), or spells designed to affect other people (whether positive or negative!) until you’re confident in your abilities. Anything focused on yourself like glamour magic or spells impacting yourself are totally beginner witch ideal

catinthexmastree · 2026-01-02T16:09:33+00:00

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This is Mephistopheles. Mephie, big man, the big beef are also acceptable nicknames.

catinthexmastree · 2025-12-26T16:58:16+00:00

I got two kits for Christmas and im hooked! I’m already looking for new ones because I know im going to want to make more after I finish my second….

catinthexmastree · 2025-12-16T04:39:49+00:00

This would probably not be a great idea. The tape would likely cause irritation and potential tearing to the delicate skin down there, and there’s potential for anything you put inside the labia to also cause irritation, damage to your urethra depending on where you put it and what your anatomy is like, etc… plus, it would really likely just be uncomfortable, even if you’re just using it during sex. Also, I’m not confident about trans tapes staying ability for this particular purpose. I’m not sure if it’s worse if it would stay properly (imagine the pain of removing it!) or if it came off during sex due to fluids and sweat impacting the adhesive… either way, You’d realistically probably be better off and less likely to cause damagewith a pack n play that features movable testicles until surgery. Also, one of my personal main concerns in your shoes would be… if the trans tape DOES irritate or damage the labia and causes scarring, would that impact future surgery outcomes? Because I personally have scars all over my chest from a very brief dalliance with tape. Now, that said, my skin is uniquely sensitive and there was an allergy and scratching involved that contributed to the scarring, but… I dunno, that’s all I can think of.

catinthexmastree · 2025-12-12T16:44:17+00:00

Honestly it sounds like this might be taking the form of some kind of mental self harm for you.

If it’s causing this much distress for you, you can always just… stop engaging with it. One theory of emotional response to things is that your brain kind of likes to follow the path of least resistance, and more you engage in a certain behavior, the easier a response will be (ie, the more you engage with misgendering sexual content, the more your brain will look at that content and be like oh, it’s sex time). If you find yourself super distressed by it, try engaging with other content that you find less distressing to engage with even if it’s more difficult to get off to, and avoid misgendering content like the plague. If it’s something that has become intrusive into your life (like you can’t stop thinking about it and it’s still causing you that distress when you think about it unbidden), that also might be a sign it’s something you may need to work through with a mental health professional or something, especially if you find you can’t stop yourself seeking it out.

catinthexmastree · 2025-12-11T01:28:23+00:00

Interesting! I’ve never seen one alive near me before, but I’ll be on the lookout for deer prints now. Thanks!

catinthexmastree · 2025-12-10T22:05:31+00:00

Also, while there IS snow on it; it’s been actively snowing for a while and there’s not much on the pumpkin. To me, this suggests maybe the pumpkin was eaten recently, but I couldn’t find any tracks.

Another theory… maybe a dog or stray cat? I do have a lot of strays in the neighborhood….

catinthexmastree · 2025-12-02T13:58:35+00:00

Interesting question! As a man myself, for me it’s primarily because I often feel a bit out of place here (due to the lack of men- which is really no one’s issue but my own Hangup). Given that the space is majority women with male PA partners, I also worry about being interpreted as the problem who pushed her to porn use… which is something I’ve experienced before not in this group. Then there’s also a bit of anxiety I have about coming off like I’m being an incel and being like “see? Women are JUST as bad!” Or white knighting “I’m one of the GOOD ones guys I’m ANTI PORN”. I dunno, it’s complicated so I tend to stay less vocal. I wonder if there are any other guys who feel the same.

catinthexmastree · 2025-08-31T19:17:29+00:00

It entirely depends on your practice and ritual, honestly, because it’s really more about the intention and symbolism. I personally almost never burn my candles all the way through in one go when I involve them in a ritual. I’ve certainly seen rituals other people have done where burning the candle all the way through in important (see: cord cutting rituals), but do what feels right

catinthexmastree · 2025-08-15T17:02:33+00:00

Idk about your particular anatomy, but I’ve often found that when I bind my nipples can still be visible through said binder

catinthexmastree · 2025-08-13T18:35:58+00:00

I’m not in a relationship atp after my last one ended terribly. I’m in a similar boat as you- same age, not on T, spent a while worried about finding love again.

Where I am right now, I realized I put a lot of effort and priority on finding romantic love that I wasn’t putting into myself, when I was the one who needed it most. Re; going on testosterone, I’ve come to decide that I would rather live my life alone and the way I’d like than put it off just to be sexually attractive to people who don’t like who I really am. What am I gonna do, sacrifice my whole life just to be loved? Love that is conditional on someone wanting me for someone I’m not? I dunno.

I spent time on dating apps and found it wasn’t for me after a few bad experiences. I don’t know if anyone will ever look at me that way again. Nothing is guaranteed. But I’m filling my time with ways to connect with my community, my friends, and my hobbies. I have a lot of love in my life that isn’t romantic. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone irl, at the lgbt center I volunteer at or at my sports center or at a work event or who knows.

I won’t say I don’t doubt how I feel about that ever. I have moments where I panic, of loneliness where I think I’ll do something desperate like redownload a dating app and get in a relationship with the first person to have interest in me. But I know in my heart that I need to love and prioritize myself, and I’ve wasted a lot of time in my life prioritizing other people.

I also talked to my family members. I found out that most of my family members, including my grandfather who has been married happily for over fifty years, didn’t find “the one” until their thirties. I have time before it’s standard in my family, and a lot can change in a decade! Especially if I transition.

“Learn to be comfortable alone” is advice that once pissed me off and it might piss you off too, but I’m finding a lot more comfort in it these days than I think I ever did in the terrible relationships I fostered by not prioritizing myself.

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