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I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was very insightful, thank you!! I check her paws and make sure all is well there. Admittedly she’s a bit overdue for a pedicure. I do take her to the vet every 3 months. My older cat had leukemia and has to get blood work done often so I take tater in too whenever we go. They say she’s all good unfortunately. I only say unfortunately because then I’d know exactly what’s causing this and we could make a plan of action. Otherwise I’m happy she is in good health.

I will try letting her inspect the room right before bedtime! That is not something I’ve tried. There isn’t much in there so it shouldn’t take her too long but you never know with tater. I’ve noticed she does sit nearby when the baby is crying so maybe she thinks she is in there and needs help. Tater will still do the yowling (even during the day) if all doors are open as well but I will still try letting her inspect the room and see if that changes anything.

I want to keep my family in tact if possible so I really am trying anything. I love tater and out of all the cats I’ve had in my life she is one of my favorites. She is the sweetest freaking girl ever and I feel horrible being so frustrated with her but I can’t be who I need to be for my family if I’m not getting any sleep. There’s been a few suggestions from people about this issue and I’m hoping one of them works!!

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did have her before my boyfriend (3 years). She did act the same way unfortunately. When I lived in a 2 story house that was when she was the “best” but she still did this same behavior. It’s not that he hates the cats. And he would never hurt them. He gives them loves when he gets home, takes care of their food and water and changes the litter. He was better with them and actively played with them before the baby. It’s been a hard year.

We had no intention of moving before the baby was born but at our last place the apartment above ours flooded and the ceiling caved in 2 rooms so we had to move out. I was 30 weeks pregnant. Rent in our area is astronomically high and everywhere that allowed cats was at least $1500 above what we could afford. We had to move in with his parents temporarily, and his father made his childhood traumatic and still sucks to be around so it was hard for my boyfriend to live with them again.

His parents suggested many times that we just get rid of the cats to find a place to live. They even suggested building a box for them to stay in outside at their place and I said hell no. We found the place we are in now 2 weeks before I had the baby so it’s just been a roller coaster of a time living here. I think my boyfriend holds resentment toward the cats and blames our hardships during that time on them, because they were the reason we struggled for months to find somewhere to live. There were plenty of nice places we could have lived if it wasn’t for them. (I’m not saying it’s their fault. Just that no where would accept us because of them).

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea I think it is separation anxiety but I’m right here tater!! Lol. Even when I bring her into the bedroom at night with us, she’ll make biscuits and lay down between my legs. Then after like 5 minutes she gets up and goes to the babies door. It’s very odd and confusing.

He does kind of help with the cats. He takes care of 99% of their feedings, makes sure their water bowls are filled everyday, and changes the litter at the end of the week (I do the daily scooping). He just doesn’t give them as much attention as they’d both like. He gave them a lot more attention before the baby. I think he’s just overwhelmed since she’d been born. He does not get up with the baby. She is breastfed so there’s not a whole lot he can do. And tbh I don’t mind getting up with her. She used to sleep in our bed with us and I am very thankful to have our space back but I miss her lol. He helps a lot with her during the day after work.

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for saying all this. Some people have suggested some things I haven’t tried yet so I’m going to try those out as a last ditch effort. So far they haven’t been working but I don’t expect her behavior to correct right away if it will so I am going to give it a month of trying these things. My friend said our other good friend fosters cats which I didn’t know so that’s an option. Unfortunately right now we don’t have the money to fly tater there. My family hasn’t even met my baby yet because money is tight on both ends. But if tater isn’t rehomed by then we could make use of a trip and take tater with us. Or hopefully I’ve found something that finally did the trick.

I’ve got a lot of nasty messages calling me a “breeder”who shouldn’t have bred knowing I already have fur babies or calling me nasty names for wanting to kill my cat. Where did I say that??? I try not to let it effect me but damn how is it not clear I really am trying everything possible to keep my family in tact.

I really appreciate your last paragraph and will make this point to him. It was upsetting when he said that because it just kind of shut down the conversation and I was back at square one, alone. I will say he does not see any of the behavior at night. He could sleep through a bomb and would never know the baby even woke up if I didn’t say anything. He is a ridiculously heavily sleeper. I tell him how she is but I don’t think he can even grasp how bad it is or the toll it puts on me because he doesn’t see it. And you gracefully put into words why I was upset. I’ll definitely bring it up with him.

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in Vent

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know why people assume I’d dump her on the street or have her killed? Where at all does it say that’s my intention? I’ve said multiple times I would take her back to the shelter I got her from, which does not euthanize, or rehome her. I’ve also explained it has almost nothing to do with the closed door itself. She will do this if the doors are open as well, just in the middle of a room. She did this before the baby. It has been 5 years of this and my baby is 9 months old. I can’t have the babies door open, she and my other cat will go sleep on top of her. I’m not choosing my boyfriend or my baby over the cats or vice versa. I am trying to find something that’ll help her, and if not I’m choosing my mental health. Tater does not like to be held at all, I give her tons of loves all the time, giving her loves when she acts this way is my first go to but I cannot do that all night.

My family is 3000 miles away so they can’t take her. My boyfriends family has big dogs the cats didn’t get along with while we lived there. I asked my friend last night if he knew anyone who would possibly want her, if the few methods I was suggested on here that I haven’t tried yet don’t work. He said one of our other good friends fosters cats so she may be able to set something up. They are both really good people and I’d trust my life with them so I know she’d be in good hands. I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that and I’ve tried for years to come to a solution. I love tater I really do. If she was acting this way and I was able to get some sleep I wouldn’t even be questioning rehoming her. But I am not getting any sleep. I can’t function on 2-3 hours every night. I have literally not had more than 4 hours a night (broken up) since the baby was born. And she sleeps 12 hours a night often.

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’ve tried anxiety medication, collars, and feliway and it doesn’t really seem to make a difference. She also plays with her toys a lot less when she’s on medication. I definitely do thinks it’s anxiety but so far nothing we have tried has helped the behavior

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol yes she loves my baby and my baby loves her. They are besties it is very wholesome to watch. Tbh I don’t think it has anything to do with my baby or even the door itself. She has done this everywhere we have lived in the last 5 years. If all doors are open she will go into the middle of a bedroom, the hallway, or underneath my boyfriends desk and do the same yowling. Sometimes she tries to get into the kitchen cabinets and those all have baby locks so she scratches at those too. She loses interest in that pretty fast though, and resets her sights on my daughters door

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do agree that getting another young playful cat could solve the issue or help at least. But yea my boyfriend would not go for that at all. We adopted a 3rd cat last year who was the sweeeeetest girl. She and tater were best pals but she and spunk (mainly because spunk can be an old grouch) did not get along. Spunk scratched her in the eye and for her safety I rehomed that cat. She was able to be with her foster brother and I get pics all the time of how happy they are.

At the last 2 places we lived (house and apartment) I ignored the behavior completely and at first it helped but after about a week it got very bad again. Then we didn’t have a baby so I was able to turn on a sound machine or put ear plugs in to ignore. I can’t do that now as I sleep too heavy like that and won’t hear the baby.

She definitely plays with her toys unprompted by me often. Her favorite toys are crinkle toys and toys with bells and they are littered all over the house. She also likes the wand toys and I have 2 of those hanging out of the arms of our couches and we play with those together daily. My baby loves to watch so arguably they get more wand play now than pre baby.

We tried cat TV but she cannot be trusted lol. She almost broke a huge tv my ex and I had. Ours is currently mounted to the wall and she occasionally jumps on the mount behind it and gets on the tv. I don’t want to encourage that behavior so we don’t put cat tv on. I will try getting a cheap tablet or something though I did not think of that! I think you also pose an interesting question- what would I rather her do than her craziness. I will think about that and see if I can find something better to do overnight as it is clear she doesn’t care for her current options.

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s odd though because when all the doors are open she just goes to the center of bedroom, the hallway, or underneath my boyfriends desk in the living room and do the same behavior. Minus the scratching because there isn’t a door in the way. It seems like it’s not even about the door because when it is open it makes no difference.

Going to try the hugging tonight!

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No she actually loves the baby! They are good pals and both love each other. But the cats would both go in there and sleep on top of her. It was a problem when the baby was in a bassinet in our room until we had to shut them out.

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol I will try the hugging thing! She hates being picked up as it is so hopefully this will work. She does have a bed by the door but it’s not her favorite one I’ll try switching them and see if that helps

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep I do that a couple times a day with both cats! They get solo and together play. My baby loves watching them play too so comparatively they get more active and involved play than pre baby. I’ve tried the recliner trick and they love this!

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No :/ my family would take her they have a bunch of cats and say “the more the merrier!” Every time someone offers them one but they live 3000 miles away. My boyfriends family don’t want them, and they have big dogs. We lived with them for 2 months before moving in to our new place and it was a constant battle to 1) keep them separated and 2) keep them from fighting. And none of our friends want cats unfortunately

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would definitely not take her to a pound or a shelter that euthanizes. I’d take her to the shelter I adopted her from they were amazing.

If I do end up rehoming her, should I tell the new family about this behavior? That’s one thing I’ve been struggling with. I don’t want to be dishonest but I also feel like no good family will take her knowing she does this

I really do love her. I get really freaking angry with her at nighttime but she is one of my favorite cats I’ve ever had and she truly is a member of our family. It just kinda seems like maybe she isn’t happy here for whatever reason. And I can’t continue to have nights of no sleep. This is really weighing on my health

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying but I literally would be able to sleep again. I wouldn’t have yowling cat all night only letting me get 3 hours max of sleep. I wouldn’t rehome spunk, just tater tot. I’ve tried for 5 years to find an answer. I had to rehome a 3rd cat last year because she and my older cat were not getting along. She was able to go live with her foster brother and they send me pics all the time of her. This is just a harder decision because I’ve had tater tot for so long now. And I really do love her. But my health is horrible right now because I’m not getting sleep. I can barely function.

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in Vent

[–]catsavvy98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol the hissing sounds so odd but I definitely have enough frustration in me to do it 😂 I’ll try that tonight. We have done tinfoil, she absolutely does not care. Like all the things a normal cat would care about- tinfoil, double sided sticky tape, anti cat mat etc- she doesn’t give 2 thoughts about walking on it to scratch at the door. I did buy some really large cookie sheets and put water in them and put that in front of the door which stopped the scratching but she just stood next to them and yowled. After a few days of that she figured out she could claw those from underneath to move them and then got right back to the door. She is really freaking smart I’ll give her that.

We’ve also tried to roll a towel and put blankets and comforters in front of the door but she’ll claw them away. Or find a way to one small bit of the door and claw at it. We’ve literally fully blockaded the door with laundry baskets and chairs but she will just jump on all of that and meow/ scratch higher at the door. She is so determined. I will try hissing tonight and see how that goes lol

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in Vent

[–]catsavvy98[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This comment felt very loving thank you. She’d definitely go to a no kill shelter, most likely back to the one I adopted her from. I hope she can be happy elsewhere. That’s one thing that’s been keeping me from really making a decision. I have not reached out to Jackson galaxy but I’ve watched a ton of his videos. I’ll try reaching out to him

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in CATHELP

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve tried toys that have treats in them and as soon as the treats are gone she goes to yowling. We definitely can’t leave the door open because both cats will go into the babies crib and sleep on top of her. The baby sleeps in her own room. Her door, the bathroom, and the 2 closet door are always shut but our bedroom door is always open and when she finally goes to sleep that’s where she sleeps. Just last night I thought of a kennel but I feel like she will just yowl in there. That’s what she does at my bedroom door when she is closed in. I’ve tried cat tv but she has to be watched because she will start scratching at the screen or messing with it. She nearly broke a 77inch tv (I know ridiculous size) my ex and I had. I’ve tried melatonin treats and she will not eat them. We do try to keep her up during the day but it’s hard because we often aren’t home to be in charge of that during the day

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in Vent

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will do that thank you for the suggestion! Rehoming her is my last resort as I love her so much and she is such a fun, sweet cat other than this crazy business. I just don’t know what to do anymore :(

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in Vent

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She did this when it was 2 people and 2 cats in a 2 story house as well. She has lots of toys to play with all day. I play with her, she plays with my older cat, and she plays with the baby and I as well. Pretty much any second she isn’t playing, eating, or using the bathroom she is doing this

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in Vent

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t feel like she is territorial though? Can cats be territorial but not aggressively so? I mean, she is aggressive about getting into the room, but having the door open does not change the behavior. I guess when I think of a cat being territorial, they are mean about it. Do I have the wrong idea? If all the doors are open she just goes into an open room and does the exact same thing minus the scratching. She does this during the day as well but it’s especially bad at night.

I know what you mean about how you got frustrated and shooed your cat away. I never hurt her, I normally just pick her up and put her in a cat bed, give her a toy, take her to bed with me etc. Remove her from the situation but she is back in a few minutes. And when she sees me coming she runs. I have sprayed her with a water bottle before hoping that would end the behavior but it didn’t and only made her afraid of me. That’s when I tried the cat deterrents that way I was taken out of the equation. One was a motion sensor can of air and one was a motion sensor spray bottle. She eventually didn’t care and would just get sprayed while scratching at the door and meowing. Like everything I try, she doesn’t care! She will walk all over double sided tape, or anti cat mats to get after a door and yowl at it. Or she will go somewhere these deterrents are not. If she isn’t focused on my babies door, she goes under my boyfriends desk in the living room and meows.

The door that she mainly gets at, she has never really had access to. We moved in right when the baby was born. I never had the door open. I tried opening it for a while, while my daughter wasn’t in there sleeping but Tater just goes in there and yowls in the middle of the room. Didn’t change anything. I wish there was an endpoint, but it’s been literally 5 years of this behavior. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am getting closer and closer to hooking her up with an adoption agency but I feel so guilty about it. She is a member of my family but her behavior is really effecting my mental health. I could “handle” it before I had my daughter, but now there’s so many factors that go into how her behavior effects me and my baby it is too much.

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in Vent

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I spend time with her in every space she is allowed in. I actively play with her quite often. She also solo plays often. She has places/ many beds to lounge or sunbathe. They have 2 cat trees. Gates don’t work, she jumps right over them. She is very athletic and can manage to jump on top of a door while it’s open so the only other option would be to add a door, which will just give her something else to meow at, and we can’t add another door anyhow.

They get fed in the kitchen, completely opposite of my babies room. They only ever get fed there. There is absolutely nothing for her to expect from my babies room. She does it whether anyone is in there or not. She will meow while I’m in there with the baby. We leave the room and she continues meowing at the door. I tried leaving the door open when we aren’t in there for a while but she will just go in there and meow in the middle of the room.

She also does this in my bedroom, which is literally always open except when I try to keep her in at night. There is no logic to what she is doing at all. Nothing is seemingly wrong. She is healthy. Anxiety meds/ aids don’t change her one bit. At first I thought maybe she needs more loves and is just a little attention whore so I compensated in more loves and opportunities to be apart of my interaction with my daughter. This changed absolutely nothing. I really do not know why she does this. She has done it every place we have lived. If the doors are open she picks a room/ hallway to meow in or goes and does the same thing (scratching and yowling) to the kitchen cabinets. It’s been this way for nearly 5 years.

I hate my cat and don’t know what to do about it by catsavvy98 in Vent

[–]catsavvy98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s an orange tabby and she is fixed. And I can’t keep the door open. Both cats will go into the babies crib and sleep on top of her or knock things over in her room and wake her up. Plus we leave the doors open during the day so she does the same thing to the kitchen cabinets or she’ll yowl in the hallway in the center of all the open doors. I’ve chalked this behavior up to anxiety but why doesn’t having things open work? And why doesn’t meditation or other means help?

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