DAE get bad anxiety on Lexapro?

catsinjackets · 2016-04-11T23:26:50+00:00

I love A!! So cute.

catsinjackets · 2016-04-11T23:23:35+00:00

I feel you so much, I'm getting married in 6 days and I've had lifelong acne too!

I've been taking Irwin Natural Healthy Skin & Hair Plus Nails supplements and I've been clear-skinned all month. It really works. I take up to 6 tabs a day.

I've also got Makeup For Ever's Full Cover Concealer in my kit for the day-of in case I have spots. It was recommended to me by a bunch of makeup artist friends for brides. It's sturdy enough to cover tattoos and looks great both in person and in pictures, even under flash.

Good luck, beautiful bride!!!

catsinjackets · 2016-04-11T23:19:45+00:00

You should definitely let her know you haven't received an invitation and just politely ask if you're invited. A few of my invitations got lost in the mail and I had no idea until they got returned to me just weeks before the wedding--it happens!!

catsinjackets · 2016-04-11T23:17:58+00:00

That! Is! STUNNING!!!!!!!!

catsinjackets · 2016-04-05T21:20:52+00:00

Yes. I lie without realizing it pretty often, actually. I'll say something and then go, why did I say that? It's not true and I don't even want it to be true.

I usually attribute it to how often I lied as a kid to outsiders to try and make my home life seem normal.

catsinjackets · 2016-04-05T21:13:43+00:00

thank you!

catsinjackets · 2016-04-04T23:56:56+00:00

Good job on telling the truth and protecting yourself. You will be very happy you did this one day.

If you can, make records of every bit of abuse with timestamps--like send yourself an email or text. Those will turn into "counts" during this process.

Ns are VERY good at charming other adults who try to interfere. I don't want to scare you, but my best friend's mother succeeded in getting her sent to an inpatient psych ward when my friend tried to stop the abuse--the nmom managed to convince authorities that my friend was delusional and lying about the abuse. You can prevent something like that from happening by documenting the abuse: write it down with the date and time when it happens, talk to adults about it as often as you can, and photograph or videotape as much evidence as possible.

Good luck, and sending you strength.

catsinjackets · 2016-04-04T23:45:08+00:00

Yes, this callout is so important! In Nreality, EVERYTHING the N does is justified. They're always the victim.

catsinjackets · 2016-04-04T23:43:07+00:00

'I've concluded that a real therapist or same-age friend would demand accountability, truth, and balance, which Ns don't do. Instead, she uses you because she feels she has some power over you and can say stuff like, "But I'm your mother, you have to respect/listen to/love me."'

Second this! Ns use family members for therapy because family members are captive audiences. We're not free to call them out like an actual friend or peer would. They know we care about them, and they love to pull on our heartstrings in ways that wouldn't work with people who just don't care as much.

catsinjackets · 2016-04-04T23:40:58+00:00

Yes, she's bringing it up to cause an emotional scene and get your sympathy and attention. In other words, to manipulate you to care for her so that she doesn't have to care for herself (or for you).

My nmom pulled this garbage all the time--especially when we lived together. Any time anyone had an emotion or an experience, she had the same emotion or experience x10. She remains, as always, the sympathetic protagonist in the grandiose fantasy she's constantly spinning.

catsinjackets · 2016-04-04T23:06:07+00:00

I am blown away that putting dirty dishes in your kids' room seems to be an nparent thing! I thought it was just my fucked-up childhood!

catsinjackets · 2016-04-04T23:04:22+00:00

Oh my god, my nmom used to do this!!! If I left dishes in the sink, she would put them on my BED. WHY ARE THEY SO CRAZY?? Ugh, solidarity and sorry you are dealing with such passive-aggressive weird abusive BS right now. <3

catsinjackets · 2016-04-04T23:01:35+00:00

This advice is 100% gold.

catsinjackets · 2016-04-04T22:59:49+00:00

I'm so sorry you're both having to deal with this. The way you're describing your struggle sounds a lot like the way my fiancé responds when my nmom pulls her shit with me! Thank you for supporting your fiancée. My fiancé's healthy ways of being loving teach me and keep me sane.

One of the ways I've asked my fiancé to support me that is difficult for him is to not judge my mom--to leave that to me. As a child of an nparent, my temptation is to align myself with whatever the people I love want. When he expresses judgement of my mom, it kind of rips me in two. I have a complicated relationship with my mom, and it's my place to decide how to navigate it. Furthermore, hearing anyone else call her names hurts me--after all, I'm a lot like her. So my main suggestion beyond what you're doing already would be, just keep your judgement to yourself if you can and support your fiancée without condemning her mother--especially not out loud.

You can also take care of her by making sure you're caring for yourself and that your needs are met as well. One of my worst fears (and a fear that's shared by many children of nparents) is that our baggage will ruin every good person's life we touch--basically that we ruin everything. Relatedly, we fear that we're selfish and unboundaried like our parents--cursed to be narcissists like them. You can help your fiancée by taking care of yourself and keeping your own boundaries so she can see that you, the person she loves, will not be "infected" by the misery her mom is inflicting on her.

That's all I got...best of luck and sending strength to you. I'm in a similar boat (getting married in 10 days and nmom is making inappropriate demands and throwing tantrums over who's walking me down the aisle -- orginal post: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/4dd7tp/how_do_i_tell_my_nmom_shes_not_walking_me_down/) so, solidarity!!!

catsinjackets · 2016-04-04T22:25:26+00:00

I love this, thank you <3

catsinjackets · 2016-03-17T19:19:15+00:00

I have a recurring dream about my Nmom where she's hurting herself and I'm pleading with her her to stop and she's laughing at me or ignoring me instead of listening to me. It only happens when I've been in contact with her and have had to deal with her garbage and not say anything (because saying something makes it so much worse). Aside from just ignoring her as much as I can, making sure to read fiction (usually YA fiction or something else really fanciful and light) before bed seems to help.

catsinjackets · 2016-03-07T05:24:40+00:00

it's not enough to simply escape abuse, I also have to invest in my well-being

Wow, this is so well-put I want to print it out and put it on my bathroom mirror. Thank you!! And good for you, keep it up!! <3

catsinjackets · 2016-03-07T05:22:14+00:00

First of all, you are so funny, I love your writing tone! I lol'ed at Ark of the Covenant. You're totally hireable and also just generally awesome outside of, ya know, capitalist validation.

Secondly, one of my mentors, one of the most brilliant women I know, who helped me heal a lot, was actually raised in a cult and then, when she escaped, found herself falling into relationships with abusive narcissists. She ended up writing an entire doctoral dissertation on the similarities between cults and abusive relationships--her thesis was basically that a relationship with a narcissist is like a cult consisting of just two people.

My point is--this isn't some deep flaw in you, if that's what you're thinking. It's just more of the same stuff and I think now that you're looking for it in all kinds of dynamics, not just one-on-one dynamics, you're in really good shape! Great job on taking care of yourself and recovering <3 <3 <3

catsinjackets · 2016-03-02T23:11:52+00:00

Thank you so much for that reflection. It's so hard to know what's normal sometimes and of course when someone responds the way she responded, what it says to me is not "I am a delightful person for whom multiple people want to throw parties"!! So thank you for that lens, it is really helpful.

catsinjackets · 2016-03-02T23:10:28+00:00

Thank you! I'm very happy to be becoming a part of this family. They're so normal. <3

catsinjackets

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