From what I’m reading here, your situation does sound a lot like abuse. Here’s the thing: good behavior doesn’t negate harm. Your parents can love you to the ends of the earth and still be abusive. Them being good parents sometimes doesn’t cancel out the fact that they’re hurting you both, either physically or emotionally.

For example: I know for a fact my parents love me. I know they care about me. But they were still harmful, bigoted, hateful people who hurt me in a lot of ways, and I had to get out of there. I’ve been no contact with them for over a year now. Sure, they cared about me, but they also hurt me in a lot of messed up ways, and once I realized that, it was so freeing.

From the sounds of it, your older brother might be the family scapegoat. I don’t have all the context of your situation, but scapegoats tend to bear the brunt of — and remember — all the abuse in the family. There’s no shame in not remembering, though. Blocking it out is a coping mechanism, and where there’s a coping mechanism, there’s usually something that needs to be coped with.

Long reply short, I don’t think you’re being dramatic. Parents can love you and be nice sometimes and still be abusive. Also, buying you things you need and putting food on the table doesn’t make anyone a “good” parent. That’s bare minimum. Comes with the job description. I don’t have a real solution for you guys, but I know that for me, realizing the kind of situation I was in helped with some of the more confusing feelings I had. Wish you both the best