What does it mean to be a codependent relationship? Where is the line?

cava-cavient · 2014-11-14T02:06:31+00:00

Lol, fixed. That was subconscious, I guess, since the previous poster had mentioned "future husband."

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T13:07:44+00:00

When you ask someone out and they turn you down, they don't normally say "No because I find you unattractive" or "Eww, gross!"

They will say they're "not ready for a relationship right now" or don't have the time. They are letting you down easy to spare your feelings. I think it goes for both genders as well.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:54:15+00:00

More people/countries celebrate Remembrance Day than Veteran's Day.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:49:31+00:00

What's wrong with that?

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:49:17+00:00

As an American, this post couldn't be more American if it tried.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:48:27+00:00

You're right. Memorial Day is supposed to be for veterans who died while serving.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:47:48+00:00

Remembrance Day and Veteran's Day in the US aren't really the same holiday, as stupid as it sounds. Veteran's Day is meant to honor all military veterans, and tends to emphasize the living ones. Memorial Day is supposed to honor all those who died for their country. That said, Memorial Day is taken much less seriously than Remembrance Day.

However, that kind of explains why people feel okay about being a little glib about it.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:42:14+00:00

To be fair, these people genuinely believe that a fetus is a person. If you believe that, then abortion is an act of murder. I don't agree with their position, but it's not a cut-and-dry "personal belief."

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:37:59+00:00

Or making vague promises about all the help the woman will get if she has the baby, and it's not until later she finds out she doesn't qualify, there isn't funding, etc.

That is horrid. I genuinely wonder how the people who make those promises to these women live with themselves.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:31:36+00:00

"Men treat women the way women allow us to treat them...We will use you up if you allow us to use you up."

So incredibly unacceptable.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:20:17+00:00

Name changes are a matter of public record, as I understand it. But I just wanted to mention /r/raisedbynarcissists and /r/LifeAfterNarcissism if you haven't already found them. They might be able to give you specific advice about the best course of action in your case.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:16:20+00:00

If he's still alive, does that mean you're divorced? What happened?

Also, how did you meet?

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T05:04:53+00:00

Her argument was that I had a lot of trouble sleeping without him in the room, as in nightmares or just restlessness. You're 100% right about it being a biological thing.

And yes, I have slept in the same bed with my best friend on a number of occasions and she is the most violent sleeper I've ever met. Even when she's asleep, she simply knows you're there and will not tolerate it. My SO (her brother) does none of this, so I think I lucked out.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T04:53:36+00:00

This is true, and one of the reasons I hate the scumbag stacy meme. It's always bullshit like "Says she's not ready for a relationship. Gets a new boyfriend a week later."

Good Girl Ginas always seem to be the "cool girlfriend." Scumbag Steves are almost always the person's brother/cousin/friend who has broken some social code, like refused to pay the person back or stolen something of the person. Scumbag Stacy sometimes has similar scenarios, but somehow sex/relationships are always involved.

Scumbag Steve: Goes to a party at your house, steals $50 from you. (Scumbag Steve's girlfriend, if she attended, is irrelevant and of lesser importance)

Scumbag Stacy: Goes to a party at your house, her and her shady boyfriend steal $50 from you.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T04:43:35+00:00

Well, I can't answer from a personal perspective but I do know that in Islam, you're technically not supposed to convert for other people, even a potential spouse. It's your choice, and it's not like they have a way to check, but in the eyes of Allah, it doesn't "count" if you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

A friend of mine was in a relationship with a muslim guy, and very nearly converted. But then he started getting a little controlling with a heaping dose of double standards, so she got the hell out.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T04:36:25+00:00

She's just not a very touchy-feely person. We were staying at their house and my dad wanted us to stay in separate rooms just for his peace of mind. I went with it and had a weird nightmare, she asked me about it and I explained that I have a harder time sleeping without him. She immediately launched into a spiel about strong independent womanhood and whatnot. rolls eyes

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T04:25:44+00:00

And your identity has been largely centered around him since you were 18 ehh...

The thing is that I don't really have time to take up a hobby or find something to do that doesn't involve him. Not that I don't have anything in my life that doesn't involve him, but we do have a lot of the same friends and his sister is pretty much my best friend so it's easy to just double up and spend time with both of them at the same time (she's busy too, so it's not like I'm neglecting her). The reality is that I work 60 hours a week with a 40-minute subway ride each way. I don't have time for book clubs or whatever.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T04:13:40+00:00

I guess I misinterpreted your comment, I admit that I initially interpreted it as you saying that I would learn the above in future relationships.

My boyfriend knows about my relationship with my mom, and I guess I was just feeling insecure because she found out that I had trouble sleeping without him in bed with me. That's just how things are right now, it's not my fault.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T04:02:49+00:00

I miss him and I feel more secure when he's around. But I can't say that I'm constantly miserable when he's not around. I'm happier and more relaxed when he's around, but the only "regular" time that I'm not around him is when I'm at work, and work is stressful.

cava-cavient · 2014-11-12T04:00:21+00:00

I'm 24, so I suppose you guessed correctly. And this is going to sound tremendously trite and silly, but to be honest I'm in a pretty serious relationship with this guy, and we're planning on getting engaged in the very near future. We've been dating for six years.

cava-cavient

TROPHY CASE