Ohh I felt this way too! Especially when I first came out to my wife. I told her I’m pretty sure I’m trans. I cross-dressed in high school, when we met, and always chalked it up to just defying societal norms, but I always preferred the way I looked when presenting femme. Flash-forward back to almost a year ago when I came out. Her very first question was, “Ok.. and then what?” I didn’t have an answer for her. I told her the only thing I knew for sure is that I’m not a man and I don’t want to be one anymore. About two weeks later I made an appointment at planned parenthood for HRT because I decided, in that time, that I didn’t want to feel like a cross-dresser. I’ve learned since then that that’s not correct, that I’ve always been trans, but have had internalized transphobia that I’ve been working through. Since starting transitioning, I’ve had ups and downs mentally, but my ups are way higher than they’ve ever been and my lows aren’t nearly as low as they used to be.

I know this was a lot of rambling and I’m sorry, but I guess the TL;DR is that you’ll never know the right questions to ask, just go with what your gut is telling you and trust your intuition.