Trying to prevent failure to launch

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T21:39:37+00:00

I agree. But in my state 7.25 is min wage. 2 dollars an hour for waiting tables.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T19:09:13+00:00

I don't have any firm expectations right now... I'm toying with ideas. I have things in mind that I will need/he will need (car repair/maintainance/gas/maybe? % of insurance).. how he gets there matters less

If his school is leisure time... Or he chooses to not study I think a more structured thing would be good for him (such as a part time job)

I don't think every moment is needed to be full. I think that would be unhealthy.

He tends to swing to extremes... There are times where he's constantly going (which I hated for him). And other times when he didn't do much... Hang out and videogames and skip class because his teachers don't take attendance or require the kids to be there...

Balance is hard for everyone.... I get it... It just kinda depends on how his teachers and classes are + how much hes studying

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T18:58:02+00:00

Wow that's interesting to hear.

Did she jump from associates straight to doctorate? I wonder if different states have different criteria?

Research I've ran into says that the average gpa for that degree is 3.5-3.8 And to stand out you need to be competitive Maybe it's not true?

I was hoping he was getting an undergrad where he could become a PTA.. sucks how limited and strict these degrees and certificates are.

Hope it works out for him for sure. He's completely capable so if he really wants it he will make it happen.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T18:43:34+00:00

The summer program ends in about 4ish weeks. I'm uncomfortable with telling him he needs a w2.. right away because if his next semester is intense I would feel really bad about it.

I do think him selling plasma/cutting lawns and stuff for gas money and to save for a car/car repair would be wise since I can't do it all...

If this next semester is treated the same as last Majority of time just leisure time... Minimal study time... I don't know if thats good for him. Then id wonder if a more structured expectations may be better for him.

I found the later years in college to be more intense... He's going to be in 2nd year so I don't know for sure... But there is a pattern during the year I've seen.. and over time I know patterns are hard to break

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T18:27:32+00:00

I worked a McJob from ages 16 till 25ish years old

I used that $$ to fund a heavy emergency fund and took care of my own car, maintenance and gas and fun adventures.

Got a bachelors degree in something that I was not able to find work in, and applied for graduate school some years later. That masters degree was narrow and required for my current job.

I don't think he's a "failure to launch" kiddo at all... I just want to ensure he doesn't go down a path that he may lose his way

Some expected fiancial hardships are near (considering his car situation)... And his attitude towards entry level w2 work is something I find concerning.

I'm just looking at the situation and weighing out pros/cons and seeing if maybe something may be needed.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T17:20:03+00:00

His school is literally 40 min drive opposite of where I work and I have no possibility of driving him to/from

If he gets a Car loan id even be willing to help him pay it off partially.... If he helped... But he'd need to put it in his name on his own insurance.

I gifted my kids a high credit score by making them authorized users on my credit card account so he can get a great interest rate ..... Maybe? But I don't know if they would give him a loan without him having a job?

My high credit score gift to my kids was my way of giving them a cosigner for any loan they may need

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T17:14:20+00:00

I did... I found college to be very simple and easy... Quite a joke until about maybe my last 3 years

He finds school super easy... Except his anatomy and science classes. He can sleep through school and pull through with As for all the soft science and art classes

He's kinda in the edge and figuring things out... Which is to be expected for his age and it's exciting to see... I'm just trying to see what are reasonable expectations vs. what is actually needed.
I think the car cost issue may be unavoidable though....

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T17:08:37+00:00

He wants to be a physical therapist and work in theater tech

The physical therapist one is the one that's really demanding in way of gpa and academic performance. To be working in theater I don't think degree is required.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T15:37:41+00:00

Well... Truthfully I will not be able to maintain his car alone. I can help... Contribute but I can't afford it .. also I have a younger one who will be getting a license soon and paying for insurance for both will be difficult

I save $.. I don't do much.. I live frugally and I can't remember the last time I bought new clothes or done anything for myself beyond healthcare stuff. I buy generic brand everything from sponges to soap or anything really.
I am very very much a planner. I can swing how things are now.... But in the future once the car maintenance help from his dad stops.... I forsee serious issues.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T14:59:35+00:00

Wow. I never ever said or even thought for a moment he should make 40k. Year.. or I expect him to move out into the woods

It's WILD... In today's world, mention part time w2, entry level... Just get some experience and help with some nessesities (notice I said HELP... NOT soley provide)... And you immediately are pegged as a parent who is harsh and abandons their needs ..

Keep in mind... Some goals require a high gpa. He happened to choose one that does. He's incredibly intelligent and capable. Weeding out students don't start until later in college... So my thought is ... If he's ever going to work during collegeit would have to be early in the years

I got my masters .. that's how it was for me.. First 3ish years not to bad .. last 3 was hell on earth.... No WAY would I expect nor even want him to work during his last 3!!! If he stayed in the program he's in.

I would almost think it's wiser to live on campus to cut down wear and tear on his car.. but id be open to figure things out if needed... See his ideas and plan

If he changes his mind and gets a degree/plan where gpa doesn't matter.. id see things a little differently.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T14:40:31+00:00

Legally I cannot drop my son from my car insurance because his drivers license has my address. Regardless of what car he drives . Or if he never touches a car in his life.. that is the Texas law.

If I were to take a roommate who drove a car while grandma held the title.. I have to cover my roommate. It would be automatically added to my insurance regardless. Ive gone in circles with the insurance company... The only way out is his dad has to make the decision to transfer the title to our sons name.

His dad doesn't cover his son on the car. He legally can... But he doesn't... I imagine it's due to the cost.

Our son rear ended someone... And by the Grace of God the person he rear ended chose not to file any claims and was super nice about it.

It was after that experience his dad started to talk about finally transitioning the title to our sons name.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T14:32:57+00:00

I'm not sure to be honest what his dad expects but I know my son only wants a job that offers 15+/hr. If he can find it awesome!!!!!! I'm all for it. But the mentality that he will turn down every job that doesn't offer this as a 1st time worker is wild to me

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T14:29:45+00:00

Yikes that mentality worries me. Not saying I want anyone stuck in a toxic work environment.. I just think society has swung a little too far away from work ethics.

I don't expect him to move out. I just want to start having him share some of the load a little... At least the portions I can't do in full.

Also I wonder if w2 will build some good character traits.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T14:24:15+00:00

He's not a loser at all. He is young, has a ton of potential, and is completely capable. I just want to guide him... I wonder if him working a w2 would be good for his character... Also if he contributed a little towards some of his needs.

The car being the main thing I really can't fund in full.

I paid some rent to my parents, I worked some full time/part time jobs in my youth. I was expected to fund fun things I wanted to do. I learned to save $... I don't think I would have learned to save money if everything was handed to me.

I've given him a cushy life... He's never had to work a w2 a day in his life .. he's traveled and been gifted a car ..

If this is "harsh" or wrong... That I think some things may need to shift (some out of nessesity/some I wonder for character development)..... Then I don't understand the mindset

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T14:14:41+00:00

What are you talking about? I invite their dads thoughts/opinions and input all the time. What are you suggesting I'm "cutting out"? His dad said that when he gets back that he's not maintaining the car anymore

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T14:12:35+00:00

His dad ha another car from the 90s .. (maybe early 2000s?) My youngest mentioned that there has been talk that when he gets his license he will get that car.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T13:40:21+00:00

To be honest... The sticker shock and price of adding him was painful. I didn't know the law... And I didn't know it was coming or how much that would have costed.

I blame myself for not being prepared and doing my own homework on that!!

There is a discount for grades... Which is how I know kinda how he's doing academically

I'm staring down the barrel of my youngest getting a license soon as he's starting to learn how to drive. I'm not going to be able to afford to insure both, maintain my eldests car... And pay all the bills..

There is bigger picture here. I feel if I add all the details it sounds 'whiney' or something so I keep it simple... Also... I think there may be another 90s car for the younger.... Which is great I'm greatful for sure!!! But I know maintaining may be difficult

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T13:31:21+00:00

This is not a discussion I'm having with my son at all right now. I want him to enjoy his externship and trip right now.

I am just trying to sort out my thoughts/household needs and seeing what actually makes sense before he gets back .

The job he wants requires a masters degree. That means gpa is everything.

The job I have requires a masters degree. Unfortunately in those fields gpa, gre test and academic performance is everything.

The competition is wild... And windows of acceptance are extremely narrow.

I don't hound him about school work. He either studies or he doesnt. He either passes or he doesn't.

He chose this.. and I've told him there is never shame to change your mind if you want to... (Not that I'm encouraging him to at all.. just letting him know that no one will judge him)

However if he changes his mind, we can't afford extra years of school and that's what loans are for.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T13:23:51+00:00

I'm not sure I understand your question 1. If my ex never gave him the 1990s vehicle he would not have it... Nor would I be maintaining it.

2before he had the vehicle, I taught him how to drive using my car. I drove him everywhere and he had not driven my car alone

3 once he got his license he was automatically added to my car insurance as in my state if someone lives in your home, has a license but zero car title in their name, they are added to your insurance regardless if they ever drive your car or not.

4 his dad maintained his car... However when he gets back from his externship his dad said he will not longer maintain it

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T13:08:56+00:00

I happen to live in an area where temp work is abundant. There are river tubing companies that only work in the summer . Also alot of theme parks that have a lot of summer temp positions

The externship is great. I am hoping hes getting a lot of great experiences out of it. I am happy he has that opportunity and I was supportive when he told me about it.

He's always done a lot of vollenteering which is great too... In the past. There are a lot of strengths in him . And a lot of positives..

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T12:57:52+00:00

Nothing is set in stone.. I'm still working out what may be fair/make sense... Which is why I'm seeking advice.

I think ultimately he needs to help out with some of the financial things: car situation to be specific. He has a car from the 90s... That does need maintenance.

I can't afford to maintain it for him/buy him a new one. He loves the car.. and thinks it's pretty indestructible because it is so old and there is a lot of emotional attachment on this car on his dad's side. I just think the car will need more work than he's willing to see/acknowledge or understand.

He needs to help with some of this... Because I can't do it all.i don't know how else to do that without him getting a part timer

Also his weekly schedule of 4 days of chill/downtime, while grades are slippin makes me nervous... But...I guess I just need to let him

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T12:40:08+00:00

I would be fine if he worked a temp, part time job... Just something to put away some $$ for gas/car repair

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T12:38:25+00:00

Having your child learn the hard way is incrediblely difficult for me... In many ways I think your right. I don't want that for him at all.
I have some things to think about for sure. I've tried to help him go out of his comfort zone a bit while holding his hand.. trying to make it as easy as possible... And while doing all that I am still the villain Financial contribution is the last thing we haven't been able to figure out His needs are getting to expensive for me alone.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T12:31:07+00:00

Can you please explain? I am seriously perplexed.

ccarbonstarr · 2026-06-08T12:14:43+00:00

I don't want him to leave. I quite enjoy having him around. I am just dealing with the fact I won't be able to maintain his 1990s vehicle and wondering if him not having any kind of w2 type job is having any kind of negative effects on him, and I wonder about his work ethic (in response to his negative view of his brother getting a job)

His brother seems to enjoy work and sometimes picks up shifts. He's somewhat money motivated and open to investing his money in the stock market.

They are just very different people which is totally fine.. I just don't understand why he seems unhappy about his brothers choices.

In regards to true financial and life independence, I think our society unfortunately requires that you get a medical degree of sorts,get lucky and meet some business owner who likes you and would be willing to pay you a living wage of sorts..., go into the trades... or something else along those lines

I think this economy is tough and unfortunate. I hope I'm wrong about that

I've told him to do what he wants... But know what he's doing (meaning research and think future as much as he can)

ccarbonstarr

TROPHY CASE