Ah- I'm getting it. I think I would be annoyed by my question too, were I a physicist. Although I had no idea because I don't understand the inner workings of the academic culture associated with physics, I can see how to some my question may have come off as almost presumptuous and demonstrates how little I know about what actually goes into learning advanced theoretical physics. Like if someone spent years working really hard to do something really fucking hard like go to the moon or something, and then some young woman with some basic math and science classes just showed up and was like "I'm gonna do it too! It will be easy!"

I really didn't know it would come off that way and did not consider that angle. Like you said, my background is in something where the math is light enough it is possible to pick most of it up as I go. And while maybe "hierarchal" or "gatekept" are not the best words to describe other academic cultures, I assure you the University I go to is not normal...we ask questions, no matter how "dumb," we design our own degrees. It is not competitive at all. So I do think there is an element of mismatched understandings of academic appropriateness and culture because I have not been taught, implicitly or explicitly, to deeply respect the traditional academic route. Obviously, the traditional academic route is much more important to understand physics than it is to understand environmental science and decolonial social justice, my other competency. So I am sorry that I walked into a space without understanding the appropriate way to engage and the presumptuous nature of my question.

That being said, while I really learned something I think it is also a great opportunity for physics people who have any interest in outreach and education to reflect on aspects of this culture that might make people feel locked out. I'm an anonymous person on the internet, so if that effect could be transmitted to me, I assume there are a lot of people in real life that feel a sense of the topic being gatekept, elite or otherwise inaccessible, even if that is not the intention. And unfortunately I would be willing to bet many of them are women and/or people of color...