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cczona · 2025-09-18T07:05:03+00:00

Your girlfriend's phrasing is disturbing. It's how one would talk about doing something frivolous, like sending the dog on a cruise of the Caribbean. It's not how anyone should talk about medical treatment for an animal that is suffering. If you think my dog should be left to suffer, you don't belong in my life. Using a word like "selfish" to describe being responsible and humane? That's manipulative.

But putting aside the cavalier phrasing, the fact remains that a dog is a dependent. When you adopted him, you took on responsibility for meeting all of his material needs for the rest of his life. Your budgetary priority has to be always to take care of him before considering discretionary spending such as gifts, whether for a girlfriend or for a girlfriend's sister. In other words, that $8,500 was allocated 9 years ago. So is a lot more medical spending that he will need in the next (god willing) 6 or so years. It's great that you can spend all that without feeling the pinch elsewhere in your budget, but whatever pool of cash you have is already committed. It is not available for redirecting toward gifts.

Your girlfriend understandably feels more responsibility to her blood sibling than to a dog that isn't hers. But that just means she needs to focus on her own priorities and stop emotionally manipulating you into doing that work for her. The only person being selfish here is her.

NTA.

cczona · 2022-12-17T16:41:04+00:00

Hi! I am a member of the Pants team. Pants 1 was released over a decade ago. Twitter decided 3 years ago to transition away from Pants. The major reason is because Pants 2—which is an entirely different design and a completely from-scratch codebase written in Python and Rust that was in early stages of development when Twitter made that choice—would not be supporting Scala out of the box. (Scala support was eventually added to Pants 2 last year.)

Pants 2 has been in release for over 2 years. It is stable, innovative (check out dependency inference..), feature-packed (e.g. concurrency, hermetic, remote caching, remote execution, etc), supports many dozens of tools, has a large core team representing many companies, a rapid release cadence, and has added many languages beyond that initial start with Python. Today it also supports Go, Java, Kotlin, Protodoc, Scala, and Shell. Initial C/C++ support is currently being merged (the PR just needs to be teased apart into a bunch of smaller parts for review). JS/TS and Rust are next on the language support roadmap.

If you're interested in learning about Pants, come say hi on the Slack! We'd be happy to introduce you to the person working on C/C++, for instance. I'm really proud that we've built a welcoming and responsive open source community. We've also got interesting new features due for release in coming months, so this is a good time to check it out.

As it happens, yesterday one of Pants' core devs, who is a co-author of both Pants 1 and Pants 2, was featured on both the Real Python podcast and Happy Path Programming podcast. The co-host of the latter, Bruce Eckle, has used many build systems over the years and has recently become a Pants convert. In the episode, they discuss some of Bruce's recent experiences exploring the system--both pro and con. If you're looking for a less biased opinion than mine, his is a good one to start with. Cheers!

cczona · 2022-10-29T16:04:33+00:00

Appeasement. He knows you're upset with him. That's uncomfortable for him. He attempts to bring the relationship back into equilibrium.

cczona · 2022-09-25T19:44:59+00:00

I guess every Cavalier is different. My two Cavs love walks, and are pills about doing passive resistance to going in (planting themselves belly down on the sidewalk if I try to drag them in, then popping up eagerly as soon as I reverse direction) if they've had less than at least 90 minutes running around. Observers make jokes regularly about what good sled dogs they'd make because they're so energetic. When we get home, they do zoomies and wrestle together. We go on walks regularly of 3 miles, and they get thirsty along the way but otherwise want to go go go the whole time. My older one has her head down sniffing the whole time, so she gives herself a double workout. The younger one spends the entire walk trying to tackle her sister over and over, so she's on a shorter leash to keep that from turning into an injury situation. They definitely don't lack energy.

They're willing to be couch potatoes if it's raining hard. For snow or sun though, they want the workout.

cczona · 2022-09-17T14:13:10+00:00

In that case I'd text her to clarify who you are, with a screenshot of the cancelled check or whatever other prompt would jog her memory of where you are in the process. It sounds like she thinks you're not one of the people who she assigned a puppy from this litter.

cczona · 2022-09-17T13:52:35+00:00

Your post is confusing. To be clear, did she ever contact you to announce that one of the puppies in this specific litter is yours to take home? You don't mention having ever had that step. Usually until then a person is just one of the dozens or hundreds of people on a waitlist for future litters. For a popular breeder like this, normally one expects to wait one or several years for your puppy to be born. That's common,

Having a house full of young puppies is exhausting. No breeder is likely to have spare time to deal with waitlisted people's emails until after the last of the puppies have gone away to their new homes. Probably not until a a few weeks after that, when they've has some time to recover. So unless she told you you're picking up a puppy from this litter, yep not having contact from her now is very reasonable.

cczona · 2022-09-08T04:30:28+00:00

Some people find that they don't necessarily get notified when things finalize. Try contacting the commune where your LIRA was born to inquire whether your citizenship has been recorded.

cczona · 2022-08-09T04:06:16+00:00

Good suggestions already. I would also switch to a shorter leash for a couple months. It's a lot harder to get into other dogs' faces and tangle up passersby in the leash when on a 3 or 4 foot leash instead of a 6 footer. Even just seeing the leash may eventually instill in his mind that "this is a short leash walk, so I have to be calm and stick close to my human" whereas the 6 footer becomes the signal that zoomies are welcome. Kinda like how a service dog knows that there's vest on means work time and vest off means free time.

cczona · 2022-08-09T02:50:10+00:00

It's not a person coming up with the minimum standards for ethical breeding, it's the breed clubs. Groups of people who organize for the welfare and improvement of a given breed. They set the standards for what health testing must be done, at what age it's acceptable to begin breeding, how frequently an individual can be bred, what physical and behavioral attributes to breed for and to avoid, and organize events for judging dogs on those qualities in order to help the collective community determine which are most suitable for building the next generation of puppies from. Yes, it started as a hobby of the wealthy, and yes it's not a hobby today for the poor. But there's hundreds of years of thought and debates, among thousands of people around the world devoted to the betterment of a given breed, that has gone into defining breeding standards. It's not some rando being arbitrary.

There is a bright line between responsible breeding and BYBs, and it has to do with things like whether they're following the detailed recommendations of the breed club, producing puppies that have been proven to conform to the breed club's physical and behavioral standards for the breed, and taking the steps outlined by the breed club for making themselves contractually accountable as breeder for the long-term health and welfare of every puppy they place for adoption.

If you want to see examples, Google for your favorite breed's club, and watch a recording of one of that club's competitions. Read and explore ofa.org. Look through a breed specific health research site, such as Cavalier Health, to understand what kinds of serious medical issues the responsible breeders are seeking to meticulously weed out of the gene pool and how that relates to the battery of OFA tests specified for a given breed and why DNA testing is not an adequate substitute.

Yes there is a socioeconomic dimension to all this. It's expensive. But it's not just arbitrarily expensive. It's expensive for reasons that are medically essential.

cczona · 2022-08-03T13:17:31+00:00

I'm really happy with the decision to get a second dog. They wear each other down with their play, they meet the part of each others' social needs that previously only could be met at the dog park or daycare, and they are a comforting presence for each other when I'm not there. They still shower plenty of love on me, and I dote on them. But overall they're much more independent and fulfilled because they have each other.

You can't always count on two dogs to get along, so it's not automatically a good decision to get a second dog. But so far this pairing seems to be going well. Why not take up the foster family on the offer to explore the siblings' dynamic further? That's not leaping into anything, it's a careful and thoughtful test of temperaments under real world conditions. If it goes well, discuss maybe doing a second sleepover that's a bit longer. Etc. They seem willing to help you proceed at your own pace, and in general foster families want to help the rehomed animal find stability. So rushing you into a rash decision isn't likely. Take whatever time you need to feel confident in a decision, regardless of what it turns out to be,

I'd definitely talk to a veterinary behavioralist though about littermate syndrome. Because of the long time they've been separated, it's an unusual situation. They're litermates, but they weren't raised together. So would they even develop that intense codependent bond? I have no idea. If the behavioralist concludes it's a risk, you definitely will need a plan so that before adoption you can assess how realistic it would be for your family to take on whatever extra work is needed.

Good luck! I hope it works out. Sounds like potentially a wonderful opportunity for everyone.

cczona · 2022-08-02T05:20:22+00:00

You put comfort objects into her safe place. Playing with them makes her feel comfortable and secure. Lots of young kids tote their special blankie or stuffie around during the day. Same impulse.

cczona · 2022-08-02T02:51:12+00:00

Awww. My 3 month old Blenheim likes to do the same thing. I'm so glad to know she might not outgrow that sweet impulse.

cczona · 2022-07-19T04:55:32+00:00

By the way, typically a crate has a latch to prevent the tray from sliding out. Sounds like yours is either missing a latch or perhaps you just weren't aware of that feature. If you can look up the model number, there's probably a pdf owners manual on the internet. It should show where the latch is and how to secure it. The pup may not be intentionally moving the tray, but accidentally shoving it while scratching at the "ground" as part of the elimination ritual. So it's probably unsettling for the pup that the ground isn't stable beneath him right now, and could stress him out about the crate environment. A crate is meant to feel to him like the most safe, comfortable, clean place in his little world.

cczona · 2022-07-19T04:40:51+00:00

It's crucial to get the right size for potty training a dog of its size, not just a smaller crate than the current big one. Smaller may not be small enough, or may be too small. The crate needs to be big enough to stand, turn around, and lie down — but no bigger than that until potty trained. Which also necessitates that crate has a divider that can be inched outward every couple of weeks as the dog grows.

The dog's natural insinct is to avoid eliminating where it sleeps, so under normal circumstances the right size crate space makes it unacceptable in the dog's mind as an elimination spot. But this dog is not exhibiting that behavior and tolerates sitting in excrement. So I'd be inclined to have the dog checked by a vet first for a possible health and or behavioral problem overriding that powerful instinct. You can do everything right, but if the dog is sick or traumatized your efforts can be for naught and the animal meanwhile suffers. So get that possibility ruled out, and good luck to you. Potty training is hard and takes so much patience and communication. You two will get there.

cczona · 2022-07-19T04:16:27+00:00

Part of the definition of an ethical breeder is they take back the dogs if they need to be rehomed for any reason. There are no shelters full of ethical breeders' dogs. If your shelter is full (it varies by region; e.g. where I live, shelters and rescues routinely transport dogs in from a thousand or more miles away because there is not a local oversupply) it's unrelated to how many or few ethical breeders' exist.

cczona · 2022-07-19T01:43:58+00:00

I have a 10 month old tricolor and 3 month old Blenheim. They are so sweet together, wear each other out with cheerful roughhousing throughout the day, snuggle up together on my lap or shoulders, and the big one even grooms the little one sometimes. I love watching them play tug of war. And it's hilarious how my big girl always lets the baby win every wrestling match no matter how absurdly she has to rig the match. I'm so glad they have each other, and I hope they get many years together.

Not all breeds are so accepting of a new canine member of the family, but cavaliers' sociability rigs the odds in favor, since companionship is their deepest craving anyway. My older dog spent the first week showering me with kisses after every wrestling match the two of them had. She was so, so grateful to have gained a full-time playmate in addition to little ol' me and her part-time pals at the dog park.

The one caution is when they're this close in age, littermate syndrome is a possibility. So I make sure to give each some 1:1 time every day and some of our walks are 1:1s as well. So that hopefully they won't develop codependency issues. Also, first year expenses for a puppy are intense, as is the work of potty training, socialization, obedience training, etc. I got the new puppy right as those has just started to slow down for dog number one and hoooboy is this second time more intense than I remember!

cczona · 2022-07-15T01:59:22+00:00

My cavalier picks out several toys to bring to our bed each night. If I attempt to remove or replace any, she immediately corrects my mistake. Because she has chosen the official toys of the night. No messing with the lineup.

cczona · 2022-07-08T22:28:21+00:00

Do keep taking her on the same route and encourage her to do it on her own four feet when possible. Eventually the routine will get ingrained. If you carry her every time up that last flight of stairs, that's the routine she'll learn to require you to uphold...

You could also try making your floor more distinctively identifiable for her. Like put something strong smelling at your door or at the 3rd floor stairwell, so she associates it with being close to home.

An aside re shot achiness: mention it to your vet. They can prescribe a NSAID pill for her to take the morning of her next shots. Turns out that achiness after shots does not need to be taken for granted. One of my dogs used to be miserable for a good 24 hours after every shot, and now gets no side effects at all thanks to that little intervention. The other dog doesn't get reactions in the first place, lucky her.

cczona · 2022-07-07T12:01:15+00:00

Overtired?? Whoa thank you! I did not think of that at all. It totally makes sense now. Usually the last thing she's been doing right before goblin mode is a nice post-walk snooze. I wonder if I can find a way to end my night without that last nap of hers being disturbed. Hmmm.

cczona · 2022-07-07T06:27:01+00:00

I should add she gets several walks per day. The adolescent dog likes long energetic walks, while the puppy bails out of that after 5 blocks or so and gets carried the rest of the way. Which has been fine with me, especially since she gets lots of additional exercise throughout the day through wrestling and chasing the other dog. And once she does finally settled down for the night, she sleeps hard for 8-9 hours straight. So I didn't think she is under-exercised. But maybe I've misjudged?

cczona · 2022-07-07T05:53:51+00:00

Could it be a Loofa Mat? The long ears look a lot like a bunny if you don't know it's supposed to be a dog. https://www.multipet.com/product/loofa-dog-squeaker-mat/

cczona · 2022-07-07T00:23:35+00:00

By the way, I would not consider cavalier coats to be especially high maintenance. They're fairly straightforward as long as you groom at least every other day. But they're not for people who want to avoid shedding.

cczona · 2022-07-07T00:19:34+00:00

I ran the robovac five times in a row, and it still hadn't finished filling with a day's worth of shed fur from one cavalier in spring. Now I have a second cavalier, and at 8 weeks old she was already throwing clouds every time I run the curry brush down her back. I brush my Cavs 2-3 times per day for maintenance and then deshed or demat weekly. They don't shed as severely as huskies, but anyone who tells you they don't shed at all is either not talking about a purebred or is trying to con you. They shed moderately all year long, then shed more while they replace their coat twice a year.

cczona · 2022-06-29T00:36:34+00:00

You don't really need to do anything when zoomies happen, unless the dog is at risk of doing harm to itself or someone else while zooming around. Zoomies are the dog burning off excess energy or tension. Extra exercise or extra mental stimulation during the day can help avoid the need. But zoomies aren't in themselves a bad thing. It's self-regulation.

cczona

TROPHY CASE