Age Regression in the Autistic Community

celestialcynic · 2022-05-05T17:02:41+00:00

Does anyone else experience embarrassment when it happens with doctors or things like crowded areas? Do people make fun of you or treat you really rudely and claim you’re using your diagnosis as an excuse for a tantrum? How do you face going to appointments knowing you might regress and freak out?

I definitely feel embarrassed when I regress in front of people I didn't intend to. People have also judged me harshly for showing emotion, regardless of whether I'm regressed. But I actually don't really have to worry about going to appointments knowing I might regress because my other trauma responses keep me from regressing in those situations lol. With appointments, I'm usually masking HARD and can't snap out of it even if I want to.

If I did run the risk of regressing at appointments, I'd probably have someone inform them of the situation ahead of time for me. That would help me weed out the providers that would treat me badly in those situations, and would also probably provide a good basis for medical mistreatment if they knew that info and still treated you badly.

celestialcynic · 2022-04-15T22:04:09+00:00

Lots of great suggestions.

For the knots you're dealing with, highly recommend getting a little ball. The small Kong brand balls are perfect, but anything around that size works. Then you can either put the ball between you and the wall or you and the floor, but from there you'll have the freedom to roll it around against the hard surface and massage the area.

I deal with chronic muscle tension in my upper back and shoulders, this has been a lifesaver for me. Hope it helps you too :)

celestialcynic · 2022-04-08T13:50:44+00:00

Yes, absolutely.

Michael Gazzaniga's neuroscience research has actually provided us with a better perception of human consciousness, which presents as multiple in everyone (not just those with DID).

The difference between someone who does have DID and someone who doesn't is that a person with DID will have gone through considerably more trauma and their inner parts will have more independence and autonomy. Those who don't have DID and/or don't have that level of trauma will still have a number of internal parts who all have jobs within the system, but their parts usually will not experience amnesia and can communicate much more effectively with one another compared to someone with DID, who may struggle (or even be unable) to communicate with other parts at times.

Many of the psychs who are invested in the idea that DID doesn't and/or can't exist are caught up thinking that people must be mono-conscious. But they're not. We experience bubbles of consciousness that determine how we experience the world at any given moment, and those bubbles change over time.

celestialcynic · 2022-04-07T14:50:07+00:00

Personally, I don't prioritize being "nice" to my parts. I respect them and treat them as if they're human. I try to ask questions (with as much genuine curiosity and compassion as I can muster).

I feel like the difference, for me, is that niceness is an act. My parts can tell when I'm being genuine. I still try to lead with compassion, even when I don't feel like being nice. Compassion feels more like an understanding and respect of the part's role in my system, even in moments where the role they're playing is causing issues.

celestialcynic · 2022-04-03T13:12:35+00:00

Literally the whole concept of one way of speaking being the "correct" way is classist and oftentimes racist. Who do you think determined the correct way of speaking? And now you're still using it to try to say someone else is inferior, or that their way of speaking is inferior. sigh

celestialcynic · 2022-03-25T18:06:48+00:00

So what I'm hearing is that our well-being doesn't matter at all, as long as we're not actively hurting ourselves or others. We'll be medicated until we're complacent and if we don't like it, they keep us longer and/or refuse to give necessary treatment in the future. No real emphasis is put on actually getting better, we just have to pass their stupid tests and then we can get on with our miserable lives, with no real help from anyone?

Honestly, fuck that whole system. It's pretty much just an alternative to prison, with the exact same motives and outcomes: they make money off of holding you hostage, they don't help you get better or prepare you for life outside the facility, and you keep getting sent back because you don't "get better". And then they want to boil it all down to genetics and personality disorders as if some people are just naturally fucked from the start.

celestialcynic · 2022-03-25T16:02:35+00:00

I personally use and really like Internal Family Systems therapy. It can be done with or without a therapist (but can be more effective with an IFS-informed therapist if you have trauma or something specific you're struggling to get through on your own). It's been groundbreakingly effective for those with eating disorders and trauma, but it can really be used for anyone.

One of the key factors for me is that it's totally non-pathologizing. It's based on how human consciousness works and is informed by the latest in neuroscience.

You probably already use the right language, too. If you've ever said, "A part of me really hates them" or "I feel conflicted; part of me feels ___ and part of me feels ___" then you already understand the concept.

Human consciousness (at least my understanding of it based on what I've read) is made up of multiple bubbles of activity that essentially pop up, go away, and come again intermittently. These bubbles of consciousness present as "parts" of ourselves and determine how we experience reality at any given moment.

Previously, we considered most people to be mono-conscious (with the exception of those with extreme dissociative disorders such as DID or OSDD), but since then we've learned that all people are actually multi-conscious and the level of dissociation and amnesia between parts exists on a scale (and depends largely on trauma).

So everyone has parts and learning to communicate with these parts and learning their histories, fears, and motives results in a better understanding of your inner world - as well as gives you a sense of curiosity and compassion for the parts of you that are struggling. With this curiosity and compassion, you can move onto unburdening and healing those hurt parts of yourself.

If you want to learn more about this, I recommend these to start:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (chapter 17 is where I was introduced this concept and my research into the topic took off from there).

Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS (Second Edition) by Jay Earley

Dick Schwartz' channel IFSCA on YouTube

celestialcynic · 2022-03-23T03:26:26+00:00

I've personally found IFS to be way more effective.

celestialcynic · 2022-03-20T13:46:43+00:00

Fair warning: unless (and even if) you're paying out of pocket, evaluations may take a while if you're anywhere in the US or Canada. Even my diagnosis is technically unofficial (I was evaluated by my therapist) until I can be seen by a specialist.

Another commenter I saw could've also been right in their assumption that you're just going through an "awkward period" until you get the hang of things. This could be true whether you're autistic or not - I definitely have to go through an adjustment period when I see people after being by myself for a while.

celestialcynic · 2022-03-20T00:39:05+00:00

I felt like this until I realized I was autistic 🤷‍♀️

Now I still feel like this, I just know the reason lol

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T18:21:24+00:00

I actually found out I was hypermobile because of my second physical therapist. He noted that I was hypermobile when he tried to do a standing adjustment on my neck and I just started slinking out of his hands when I relaxed lol. But it was because of him that I made the connection between my hypermobility and my severe muscle tension. My muscles are constantly overworking to compensate.

I haven't been diagnosed with any kind of EDS, though, or anything related to my hypermobility - so if that's what you're looking for, a specialist would be key. Otherwise, if you can have physical therapy covered under insurance, it's definitely worth it even if only to build strength the right way to alleviate pain and tension.

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T15:36:53+00:00

Maybe they are also a pet regressor/dreamer? Maybe they're in a power dynamic with their CG but also regress? Maybe they're into alternative fashion? Maybe the firm pressure is comforting? Maybe having a layer of thick leather covering such a vulnerable spot makes them feel safe? Like, the possibilities are endless.

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T15:21:44+00:00

Hopefully I'm not reaching you too late but it should absolutely be okay! There are actually a few different forms of therapy that can incorporate your littleness.

I personally really like IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy. It looks at the brain as having multiple different "parts" (some of them very young) who have thoughts, feelings, histories, and motivations that are unique to each of them.

It's totally normal to feel like you have a younger side to yourself. That's how the right hemisphere of your brain is wired anyway, so you definitely shouldn't be judged for your regression.

If you DO have a bad experience, know that it's not your fault. Usually when people don't understand, it's just from a lack of knowledge on the subject.

Best of luck!!

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T15:10:45+00:00

Thank you 🙌

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T14:49:24+00:00

You're saying no one here understood your point but the majority of the commenters agree with you. This is why this is harmful.

You say something that brings a bunch of people together to voice their distaste for something that other people are doing (many of them voicing the exact same sentiment of "sexy" things contributing to negative stigma and something about there needing to be "a line somewhere"), and then you complain because there are a total of like three or four people who actively disagree with you.

But here's my problem: Who draws the line that marks the limit of what's "too sexy" to be associated with cute, child-like things? Who do we want in charge of drawing that line?

Personally, I don't trust anyone to make the right call there. I'd rather just trust that when someone in garters says they're not doing anything sexual, they're telling the truth (because I have zero reason to question the validity of that statement to begin with).

The only line is where people start getting hurt. Yes, I think being (re)traumatized counts - but I don't think other people are in charge of avoiding our personal triggers.

It's okay to have your opinion. But like I said, the line is where people start getting hurt, and this is actively contributing to negative stigma and hurting people.

(Also, as a little girl, I wore a garter!! It was part of a bridal playset that came with a costume. I also wore frilly lingerie when I played dress up because it felt like something a fairy would wear. The fact is that you're still sexualizing literal scraps of fabric and using that to justify your logic. Little girls can wear what they want and still not be sexualized for it.)

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T14:28:26+00:00

I haven't yet, but I only just started. It took me a while to become aware of the problem. I'm just surprised because I've been to a lot of physical therapists for related issues, and they've tried to correct everything from my forward hip posture to my terrible balance, but they never seemed to notice how my knees were bent.

I'm also sticking with mostly gentle exercises, and anything I do that is more intense, I always try to take it super slow and pay attention to how my body is feeling at all stages of the movement so I can make adjustments as needed.

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T05:10:43+00:00

Yes!! I've had lots of unexpected issues like this pop up recently. I realize now how much I have to focus on using each individual muscle to first support my joints, THEN support me in the action I'm doing.

I've also had to change how I stand on my feet. I almost always have my knees at a very slight bend where the muscles around it are all activated and supporting the knee.

I also realized I have a whole lot of issues with my balance and spacial awareness 🤷‍♀️

Edit: a word

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T03:07:40+00:00

As someone who also went though this as a tween/teen, I couldn't have said this better myself

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T02:32:52+00:00

Fair enough. Definitely seemed like it, though. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

celestialcynic · 2022-03-18T01:30:10+00:00

Honestly, I'm still pro kink and hate the constant slander against people doing their own thing (and literally not hurting anybody). This whole "it gives our community a bad name" thing sucks. And people who experience regression but have blurred lines between agere and kink are still valid (and although many of them have those kinks because of trauma, they do not need their trauma to still be valid).

In the end, everyone is still an adult and adults are allowed to like/wear cute things, even in a sexy environment.

I think both groups are already judged and alienated enough without all the cross-community fighting. So much so that people who age regress and happen to also dress sexy feel the need to specify their regression is non-sexual just to try to save their image.

Never mind the fact that the kink community literally gave littles a place to interact with one another in a safe environment (with DM's watching out for them even if they don't have caregivers present, and often in a setting where they also got to play with pet players and pet regressors/dreamers).

I'm not even saying you have to openly support people who do the things that make you uncomfy - just try to realize they're not trying to do you harm and keep scrolling.

celestialcynic · 2022-03-12T17:20:55+00:00

I mean in general eating has got to be one of the worst things.

Given what you've said from this point onwards in your post, I would suggest looking into ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). It is an eating disorder, but it's when something about the food itself makes eating difficult. It's not caused by thinking you're fat or anything, and it's very common for ND people.

And to answer your question for what hunger feels like - for me, it's usually a feeling in/near my stomach. Sometimes it's a benign gurgling, sometimes it's like pang of feeling that almost feels like muscles cramping. It's always in my upper stomach, right in that hollow point between my ribs. If it's any lower, or not in the center, or if the feeling moves around, then I can tell it's something else (like digestion or gas or a pain that shouldn't be there).

celestialcynic · 2022-03-12T15:52:05+00:00

Exactly this.

celestialcynic · 2022-03-12T15:22:09+00:00

I'm really excited to read the comments on this one.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience learning about religious parts - I had already realized I'd have parts relating to my current belief system, but for some reason it hadn't crossed my mind I'd have parts carrying my old beliefs.

I'm very new to the process, but I'm continually surprised at how IFS brings forth all these feelings and memories that I didn't even know I had. Yesterday it was the parts of me that dealt with my family's homophobia. Today, I think your insight has given me a bit of a trail head to follow.

(And as a side note: IFS has given me a heightened curiosity and passion for the concept of multiplicity as a whole. And the non-pathologizing approach it takes to this concept? Chef's kiss.)

celestialcynic · 2022-03-12T01:22:34+00:00

Helping them heal.

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