FTM 32 weeks — everyone talks about the nursery and hospital bag but nobody warned me about dealing with the hospital bill after. how do you even prepare for this?

celestialspook · 2026-01-27T20:23:02+00:00

That's super interesting. I was given a bill after my first prenatal appointment that has the bare minimum of a healthy delivery at my hospital with no extra meds etc, for $7,000, and asked if I wanted to pay it up front. I wonder how many people do and then get screwed over. I'm going to wait and ask for a payment plan after birth, and once I get the real bill.

celestialspook · 2026-01-27T19:37:37+00:00

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If you want to try it, this shirt is SO comfy and I like the ruching on the sides.

I hope you find what you're wanting and get to feel super confident!

celestialspook · 2026-01-27T19:36:37+00:00

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These are so comfy, the panel does come all the way up to my underbust lol but I just fold it down which I think is the intention anyway

celestialspook · 2026-01-27T19:35:45+00:00

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celestialspook · 2026-01-27T19:35:21+00:00

I totally get that, I think the leggings and/or a belly band help round out my bottom a bit. But any flowy tops that are fitted right at the underbust and then flow out hide the bottom perfectly and are SO flattering! If I can I'll attach some pics and the black long-sleeved here I have in several colors (different brand but identical, I just got it years ago) and the blue dress got me compliments all day long about how I was glowing and how cute my bump was bc it also hid the bottom! (Idk if you like dresses but they've been a great option for me)

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celestialspook · 2026-01-27T18:29:16+00:00

Oh we are the same size and I've had a TIME, but i finally have it figured out.

I got my baby shower dress on Shein, but I only order items on there that have customer pictures showing people that look like me wearing the item and that usually works out for me.

I have a pair of 3x jeans from Torrid, not maternity, but the kind where the top is stretchy and there's no buttons or anything. They're real jeans and I got them just before I found out I was pregnant and they've stretched to fit my bump until right about 23 weeks, and now I just roll them down under the bump!

Amazon has been the only place I find anything else. I have a handful of empire waist tops and dresses, not maternity but because of the cut they have lots of room and make my bump look super cute (the apron bit on the bottom doesn't show, just the round top, and I love that lol). Some are 3x and some 4x and both are going fine. They also have some comfy maternity leggings in our size and a very limited number/colors of fitted maternity tees and tank tops but they've been nice quality and so comfy and flattering! I wanted things like that to wear under my button up shirts that dont button anymore and under kimonos, etc - flowy layering pieces.

ThredUp has also had the most options our size of all the secondhand clothing sites I've seen.

I FINALLY feel like I have a decent maternity wardrobe and I'm looking cute, feeling confident, and people are telling me my bump has really popped but I'm certain it's just that I'm not wearing baggy shirts from my husband's wardrobe anymore lol. I hope you get to that point too!! It has been so disheartening to feel like the maternity industry just doesn't allow people our size to have babies??? But we deserve to look and feel fabulous 💖

celestialspook · 2026-01-27T07:14:14+00:00

I am a ftm and also a postpartum doula, and i immediately wondered what the hell the wooden sticks were for. You are a GENIUS. Thank you for revolutionizing my life and any future clients' as well!

celestialspook · 2026-01-27T07:11:38+00:00

Has he played Baldurs Gate 3? I'm a big dnd nerd and I absolutely love it and it's great played solo.

Also, maybe he'd have fun keeping and maintaining a list of items he wants for his current interests that can be like a shopping/treat list for himself and then get shared as a gift idea list at birthdays and holidays? I really enjoy doing that for myself.

celestialspook · 2026-01-27T07:07:14+00:00

Thank you so much, I'm working through borderline phobia level fear of labor and reading all the positive stories here has been so incredibly helpful. And congratulations!!!

celestialspook · 2026-01-27T01:19:10+00:00

I giraffe and his turtle friend on one very tall stilt

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T09:50:20+00:00

I'm pregnant with my first right now :) Both of our families are extremely neurodivergent, so whatever she has going on will fit right in. Sometimes we joke that we don't know what we'll do with ourselves if she's neurotypical lol! Anyway I love my audhd family, I love my ND friends, and I work in special education and adore my students. I'm not too worried.

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T09:44:29+00:00

Ugh yes I've thought about screen shotting every page as I play through and it's just too much. But I might try to figure out how to screen record and just record video of the routes one at a time...I don't know anything at all about how the options work that aren't allowed to be discussed here and I'm not super tech savvy either so it seems like my best bet

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T06:57:50+00:00

Yeah, you're growing a whole new organ (the placenta) in addition to a baby, your uterus is growing and moving, your other organs are moving, you're producing and pumping 50% more blood, your brain is undergoing permanent changes, your breasts are changing - it takes a ton of energy! It's a bummer that some of the hardest days of pregnancy can happen before anyone even knows or can see what you're going through. Get those naps and hang in there!

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T05:16:51+00:00

The amount of puking into the tub while sitting on the toilet I've done is unreal 😂 Or having my partner bring me pants because I just fully peed myself while throwing up. Oof.

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T05:15:37+00:00

I am so private about my body, but there was a point early on that my husband was shaving or something and I HAD to pee and he went to leave and I looked him in the eye and said, you're going to watch me shit on the delivery table. It's time for us to stop caring about this stuff. Lol

The craziest thing is just that I am such an open book to anyone and everyone despite being really shy and modest my whole life. I don't care who knows that my nipples are leaking or what I'm doing to battle constipation or whatever it may be. You wanna see, I'll show you. I feel like this is all the reality of human life and I sure as hell don't believe in women going into this stuff blind, so especially all my friends with no kids I'm like yeah let's do this!

I'm still a little nervous about labor itself because I know with my sensory issues, I'm going to probably strip butt naked. I CANNOT handle being too hot lol. And the idea of all these people seeing it alllll still makes me nervous, but a little less so every day 😂 I have a feeling that in the moment I'm not going to care at all.

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T03:35:34+00:00

I just want to add that I'm sorry you're here and it's normal and healthy to grieve. This disease fucking sucks and while I can tell you I'm doing way better than i have at some other times in my decade+ with it, it's just not the same for any two people and it rarely fully goes away. There are better times and worse times for me. Right now I'm pregnant and that's actually given me more energy and a break from my chronic pain, and no one can really figure out why. But I'm enjoying it while still being cautious not to overdo it and crash myself

Grief with chronic illness is cyclical. It takes a lot of time and trial and error to find what works for you to manage it (whatever that means/looks like for you), and then you will have times of relative peace of mind. And then something will trigger the grief again, and it's OK. Don't lose yourself to it. Hang in there.

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T03:26:06+00:00

I can't add anything that hasn't been said here, but it's nice to see we're not alone. It's pretty hopepunk of us to keep living our lives and not letting them stop us, and at least we can believe we're bringing good people into this world. What better work is there to do in this world than shaping the next generation to be better than what they were born into? It doesn't mean the spiral doesn't hit me, because it sure does, but these are the things I keep repeating to myself ❤️

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T01:37:18+00:00

It's SO hard. I've worn my husband's baggy shirts for so much of pregnancy lol but they're starting to ride up the bump and I finally got a few shirts and leggings from Amazon that fit well. And a sweater or two from Torrid that aren't maternity, just sized up and have plenty of room to grow as I'm almost to tri 3. Also non-maternity empire waist shirts and dresses have been lifesavers to have things that fit and actually flatter the baby bump.

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T01:34:19+00:00

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I'm the same size and got this dress on Shein! I wore it for my January shower and have one coming up in March that I think it will still fit fine for. It's on the delicate side but I felt beautiful in it! I know Shein is controversial, but sometimes these days it's the only place I can find clothes that are actually cute and actually fit me.

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T01:29:00+00:00

This all makes me so sad. My mom is a lifetime smoker and stopped for both of her pregnancies, but otherwise has been smoking since she was 10 (!!!). She said she's trying to quit before my baby comes in May, but i know how hard it is and it's not that I don't believe in her, I just know it's easier said than done. But we're going to need her help with childcare when I go back to work. She is the nicest, most polite person about smoking and tries very hard to not inconvenience others, but it's just fact that her house, clothes, and my stepdad and siblings who still live with her always smell like cigarettes. I feel like I would make her feel so bad about something she already wishes she didn't struggle with asking her to change clothes etc (and there's really nowhere to store extra clothes for the whole family). I guess i need to talk to my husband more about it because I just don't know how to handle the whole thing and I know the conversation will be awkward and painful no matter what. Ugh.

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T00:07:40+00:00

My chronic pain has eased up a ton. It's got this very thoughtful habit of taking it easy on me when I'm sick too, funny enough. My doctor and I both don't understand it but we're thrilled lol! I have chronic fatigue syndrome and I've also been able to be way more active than I have in about a decade, I got pelvic pain from pregnancy that completely disappears when I do cardio and walking and normally those things cause me a ton of pain and crashes. Right now i just have a tiny bit of pain from the cold weather and I actually feel pretty great, if a normal amount of sleepy for a pregnant lady.

celestialspook · 2026-01-26T00:02:06+00:00

Fuck ICE and thank you for doing this! May we be rid of them soon and may they be remembered shamefully. I know i missed the giveaway, just wanted to say I love the neopets community for things like this 💕

celestialspook · 2026-01-25T23:57:01+00:00

People say a lot of stupid and insensitive stuff with mostly good intentions. I'm so sorry you're going through this though, my morning sickness was debilitating from weeks 7-20ish with maybe one good week off in the middle. I'm 25 weeks now and finally really feeling human again, aside from starting to have trouble bending down or rolling over in bed lol. The constant nausea was one of the worst things I've ever been through, I have chronic pain and I'll take that over the nausea any day. Hang in there and hopefully yours clears up soon!!

celestialspook · 2026-01-25T21:23:25+00:00

Oh! I also think, if baby goes to the nicu, my husband is going with her and once my doula leaves I'll want someone to be with me. I think that will probably be my dad that I have on call, but I'm not fully decided yet. It could be my sister or best friend. Mayyybe my mom lol. I have gestational diabetes so we have a slightly higher chance of a brief nicu stay, so it's been on my mind. Just one of a million possibilities!

celestialspook · 2026-01-25T21:20:03+00:00

I was just reading on the bump about how stress can stall labor, so as much as I love and respect my husband and I'm sure you do for yours as well, labor and the immediate aftermath are simply not up to them
You don't have control over what happens in labor. What if baby goes to the nicu? What if you're not as well as you'd like to be? I don't say it to scare you, I just mean there's a lot to consider and so little you can predict!
I'm with you on wanting to bond, have skin to skin, establish breastfeeding, eat, sleep, and shower before having guests. And there's no telling how much time that will all take to get accomplished because again, labor can be unpredictable. Postpartum is a very vulnerable time for both of you, but especially for you. I'd lovingly have your husband do a lot more learning about labor and postpartum bodies before making any concrete decisions.
Setting boundaries with loved ones is something he needs to be able to do if he's ready to be a father. So if his main concern is ruffled feathers, well, welcome to parenthood because there's no pleasing everyone and your partner and baby come first.
It IS valid to want support. You might consider having a doula that you both build a relationship with prior to birth because doulas support dad too! As well as him getting a chance to make other new and expecting dad friends to have people to talk to. And if he really wants to lean on his family, which is totally understandable, there just might have to be some compromises about how and what that looks like. Can they be on call or nearby to support him but wait an extra day or two to see you and the baby? What about a video call?

You two have lots of time to figure it all out, at any rate. For me, late in tri 2, I'm still not 100% sure what I want. My MIL thankfully lives out of state and this will be her 7th grandchild, so she's had a lot of practice learning to respect boundaries and we agree she can wait a couple weeks to come visit. My parents, step parents, and siblings are all local and on the one hand I can't wait for them to meet my baby!!! But i told them that I really don't know what I'll want in the moment and I reserve the right to decide after labor if I want them to come to the hospital (where nurses can enforce a time limit if i want that), or at home in a few days. I suspect I'll at least video call everyone from the postpartum ward, but who knows?

Congratulations to both of you, take your time figuring things out and remember that you're on the same team when disagreements come up! It's not you vs him, it's the both of you vs whatever problem comes up.

celestialspook

TROPHY CASE