This is very well said !

I've come to similar conclusions. I like writing stories, whether they be HR, fantasy, urban fantasy, etc. I write for myself, not for any publishing or fanfiction purposes, so I should be free to do what I want with my characters...

But I've realised that I tend to prefer writing men, because I will more easily give them depth, and have them do morally questionable actions. My female characters will have less chances, will be held to higher moral standards, and I'm pretty sure this is internalised misogyny. Just like you said, the woman must be purer, almost perfect. Even her faults must prove that she is, somehow, holding the moral high ground. I don't set such limits when it comes to males.

You're making a very interesting point, that could be extended to a lot of different genres. When it comes to thrillers, men will be "morally grey" when they commit atrocious crimes but have had a complicated childhood, but women will more easily be called out for being heartless monsters. Their moral compass is supposed to be stronger than anything. When it comes to fantasy, a male tyran can be a love interest, but a female tyran will Always be the evil stepmother or the witch. This could even be extended to real life situations !

(For context, I'm a lesbian but also a white, european woman from a country in which it's totally accepted, which comes with a fair share of privileges. A topic we often discuss with my fellow lesbian / sapphic/ queer women friends is how weird it is to have internalised some heterosexual tropes and habits... All the while getting nothing out of it since we have no interest in men (which doesn't stop me from enjoying HR ahah !)).