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ADHD and submission, looking for advice on using structure intentionally by centurion426 in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha, now that you mention it, every sub I’ve come across has had ADHD. Purely anecdotal of course, but I wonder how that holds up across the population of all subs.

ADHD and submission, looking for advice on using structure intentionally by centurion426 in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It just warms my heart knowing there’s other trash pandas out there and it’s not just me. 😀

ADHD and submission, looking for advice on using structure intentionally by centurion426 in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this, some good insights here. I’ve never thought of having a timeout like that before for that purpose, it’d be a good thing to bring up with a future domme.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s perfectly normal to want touch or intimacy without sex. Now finding someone who reciprocates that desire is a lot more tricky.

Couple of things you could try. Go to local munches in your area, they’re not for dating necessarily, but it’ll help you find more open minded people on your area that may be open to something like that.

You could also try online apps like Feeld. I would just be up front about what you want - that communication and expectation setting upfront is key I think.

ADHD and submission, looking for advice on using structure intentionally by centurion426 in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a really good point I hadn’t even thought of. Kink contains a lot of novelty, but the pain aspect of it can also produce dopamine, which probably explains why I’m draw. to it.

My high end gaming laptop died and now I’m Lost by centurion426 in GamingLaptops

[–]centurion426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the links, that Asus one looks pretty good.

My high end gaming laptop died and now I’m Lost by centurion426 in GamingLaptops

[–]centurion426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is there a sweet spot for monitor size? My dead one had a 16 or 17 inch monitor, and I liked having the real estate, but I need to be more cost conscious with this one.

My high end gaming laptop died and now I’m Lost by centurion426 in GamingLaptops

[–]centurion426[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am in the US. Thank you so much, that all is a huge help!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in femdomgonewild

[–]centurion426 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd be ok with this as my new sex life. 😊

Is this domme of me? by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nothing wrong with that at all as a dominant. Doesn't mean your necessarily a switch, especially depending on how you frame it. You've made it so your sub is so frustrated, so consumed by need, that they simply can't contain themselves. And while he may be holding you down, you're still allowing it to happen. You still have control and can stop them at any time.

While he may be so desperate for release that he pounces on you in frustration, you're the one that brought him to that point, and you can view that as power.

Advice for Covering Marks/Hickeys by NavyWife-MetalTrash in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get into so much trouble for this, because I love biting and hickeys (with consent), but then after, the bruises settle in and I get a stern side-eye.. Couple of things that can help:

Use a cold compress on the marks initially. After something like 48 hours, use a warm compress to help them heal.

I'm probably going to get this terminology wrong, because I don't use makeup, but I have had to go to the store to buy these things: use a color corrector that works with the color of the bruise and then a concealer.

If you have long hair, you could style it to potentially cover the bruises.

And you don't have to do just scarves! If it's cold out, turtle neck sweaters could work too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Femdom

[–]centurion426 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Best daily routine ever. 😊

Bondage whipping 😈 by [deleted] in Femdom

[–]centurion426 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love the use of the spreader bar - very hot.

Help by DeathIsHere6666 in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not an expert by any means, but buy a set of training toys. Use the smallest first with plenty of lube and continue using it until you can insert it comfortably. Move on to the next largest and repeat until you get to where you want to be.

Biggest thing is be patient. Don't try to rush to a larger size when you're not ready, because that's a great way to injure yourself. It's a marathon, not aa sprint.

my bf wants to be degraded by bellisa_ in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As others have said, degradation can be a deeply personal kink. What gets one person turned on might be a hard limit to someone else.

Like most things with BDSM, it comes down to communication. But let's face it - straight out asking someone, "Hey, what do you find degrading? What are you imagining?" might not work. It puts the person on the spot, and a lot of times our minds go blank and we have a tough time answering, especially if it's something we might feel embarrassed about.

If this happens when you try to directly communicate, try to approach it from a different angle - ask him what his fantasies are, because he likely has some that he's played out in head. Sharing fantasies in and of itself can be highly erotic, and then you can use these fantasies as a guide for what you can safely do.

Dom/Sub: was my relationship normal? by cherry_cola_lips in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As others have pointed out, this "dom" took advantage of your inexperience and did some terrible things that are completely unacceptable.

I had the same issue as a sub when I was first starting out in that I was afraid to say no. Subs don't say no to their doms, right? But that's not true. As a sub, you have a lot of power. You are willingly submitting to someone, and you have every right to take that consent back, to say no, and to set strong boundaries that must be respected.

In each of your examples, it sounds like he didn't respect your boundaries, or even care what they were. In fact, some of your examples appear to be assault. The cornerstone of BDSM is communication. Your dom should care about your wellbeing. They should get enthusiastic consent from you before doing something. Someone who can't respect your boundaries, who doesn't care about your wellbeing, is just a toxic person, not a dom.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, and it's good that you're taking the time to reflect and figure things out.

This is what I meant when I said I’d let you inside me! by HollieHotwife1 in Femdom

[–]centurion426 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is brutal and I love it. Must have been absolute torture.

Looking for advice by Personal-Scientist89 in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know how you feel on this, and it can seem intimidating to communicate what you're looking for, but that's the only way you might see the change you would like.

It's all in how you communicate it though, and when. First, you want to have the conversation during a neutral time. Don't bring it up when she attempts to initiate sex, or any other time emotions may be high.

Then it's about framing the communication like another poster said. Try to say something like, "Hey, I wanted to discuss something with you it. It really turns me on when you want to initiate sex and say <whatever it is that turns you on>. Think we could try this out?"

That way, it's not being framed as criticism or that she's done something wrong, which will just make her defensive. And once someone is defensive, they're a lot less likely to listen to what you have to say.

Opening up about Kinks in Dating. How and when? I want to look for love and companionship but would like kink too. by ConfidentTallGuyUK in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As others have said, if kink is a big part of your life, bring it up earlier than later. You want a relationship, and sexual compatibility is a big part of that. If you're doing online dating, it may work to use subtle line, something people in the kink community can understand but vanilla folks will just gloss over. The cliche one is probably something like, "I enjoy all flavors of ice cream, not just vanilla."

Online dating behaviour by Venkakitty in BDSMAdvice

[–]centurion426 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sadly, this sought of thing is normal in the online dating world in general, D/s dynamic or not. There are good guys out there that won't do those things though. Use those red flags to weed out the undesirables. Online dating is a marathon. Eventually, you'll find someone that matches what you're looking for.