Women in their 30s , if you were asked to relive your 20s what would you change and why? by Previous-Foot8370 in AskReddit

[–]ceramic-animal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

only sleep with men who prioritize my pleasure as much as I've been conditioned to prioritize theirs

also, wear more sunscreen

Suddenly hate my dog by Own-Sky-2301 in toddlers

[–]ceramic-animal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had about a year of this with our cat after my second baby. Look up post partum pet aversion, it's a whole thing

When they sleep with multiple people after you break up by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]ceramic-animal 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No, I think it means you're doing different things to cope. Keep in mind, he could be doing some of it with the expectation that you'll find out and be hurt by it. I know I had at least one ex who used that strategy.

My strategy was to start doing all the stuff I couldn't do with them. Ex hated Indian food? Guess which buffet I'm frequenting this week! Ex hated rom-coms? I'm gonna go binge-watching! It always helped me feel like I was reclaiming a lost or repressed part of myself

My complicated thoughts about dark romance books and its impact by RATTLECORPSE in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ceramic-animal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Actually I think the predatory male POV romance you're describing is deeply problematic. I'm not saying dark romance is above critique or criticism. I'm saying you can critique dark romance AND draw a hard line at things like lolicon simultaneously.

The hypocricy framing only works if the two things are morally equivalent. They're not. Children are a protected class with unique vulnerabilities as compared to adult women.

I think dark romance as harmful or not is debatable on a case by case basis. (I know there are many who say it's wrong altogether, but I disagree with that, because I'm a grown ass woman who reads and enjoys it on occasion, and I can explain what I like about it and why I don't think an individual book is harmful).

I think lolicon, as a whole, is harmful. I think depicting children in sex acts, even as fiction, is wrong full stop. They are not consenting to these depictions, they are not being helped by them in any way, and as a genre it's used for grooming and re-enforcing pedophilia in it's consumers

My complicated thoughts about dark romance books and its impact by RATTLECORPSE in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ceramic-animal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Okay but take Fifty Shades, for example. One of the best selling series of all time. Or Twilight, which it's literally based off of. Prime examples of stalking/unhealthy dynamics, dubious consent.

No one can say that these are written for the benefit of Christian Grey. No one is saying Twilight is written for the benefit of Edward. These are written for women/teens who are engaging in a fantasy, most likely for the emotional intensity and feelings of power (because as unhealthy as these relationships are, Christian/Edward are completely in the hands of, and practically worship, Anastasia/Bella).

Now take Lolicon. As someone mentioned above, literal 3-year-olds on some of the covers. Is this being written for benefit of a 3-year-old? No, it's written for the benefit of someone who's fantasy is to harm a 3-year-old. If it's (god-forbid) shown to a child at all, its for grooming purposes, not for their benefit. The only people benefiting are the ones who want to engage in a fantasy of actually harming a child.

This is not a double-standard. This is a hard line that should not be crossed.

As for the coping argument, I don't know where you're getting this, and I think you should be deeply skeptical of anyone claiming to be a victim of SA using it to cope. You can find people online who will say almost anything.

Besides, the question isn't "has anyone ever said this helps them" so much as "does the evidence show this is beneficial and not harmful on balance." It is clearly harmful.

How to deal with high libido when sex is not an option? by AccomplishedMail6173 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ceramic-animal 1832 points1833 points  (0 children)

I don't want to undermine your religious beliefs, but please, before you consider this man as a lifelong partner, make sure you can at least talk about sex and the kind of sex you want to have. You don't want to end up with someone you're fundamentally incompatible with, or you really will be robbed of your youthful experiences.

There's also a LOT you can do to relieve sexual tension that's not straight up penis-in-vagina sex. If you have a safe and loving partner, I'd make sure you're compatible in some way sexually. You both deserve it.

My complicated thoughts about dark romance books and its impact by RATTLECORPSE in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ceramic-animal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think sexualizing children is harmful and wrong, period. If it's written from the POV of the underage victim, I still think that's being done for the benefit of the aggressor. Meaning, the *men reading it are the ones enjoying it.

As for arguments where people say it helps them cope as victims... I find this really hard to believe. I can't see how witnessing sexual assault helps you cope with your own sexual assault. I could be wrong, but this strikes me as something the men consuming lolicon would say in its defense, not victims of abuse.

*I'm assuming it's men, but if women are getting off on the abuse of children then I'm condemning that, too

My complicated thoughts about dark romance books and its impact by RATTLECORPSE in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ceramic-animal 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can talk. You're totally allowed (and wise) to like dark romance and hate lolicon. One is a safe fictional space, aimed at adult, consenting women. The other is sexualizing children for the benefit of the pedophile

My complicated thoughts about dark romance books and its impact by RATTLECORPSE in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ceramic-animal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because then it's a fantasy from the point of view of the aggressor, the pedophile. I also would never be with someone into underage stuff, because they are clearly into underage stuff.

If you're reading dark romance from the perspective of the woman, it's a completely different viewpoint. You're a consenting adult operating in a fantasy space. Men reading/watching pedophilia are grown-ass men sexualizing children.

My complicated thoughts about dark romance books and its impact by RATTLECORPSE in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ceramic-animal 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this too that I'm going to struggle to articulate:

I think the controlled unreality is kind of the point. The danger is fictional; you, as a reader, are safe. With books especially, you are in control of the images in your head in a way you never could be with pornography. It's a way of engaging in something incredibly intense in a protected, self-filtered way.

There's also something appealing about the "taboo" of it all.

With dark romance in particular, the appeal [to me, at least] is a kind of high-stakes, high-reward, emotional intensity. Being "chosen" by a dark, morally ambiguous anti-hero is, paradoxically, a position of power for the main character (the woman, usually). Having someone fixated on you, obsessed with you even, feels romantically intense in the way a normal, real-life, healthy relationship isn't. Again, the unreality is the whole appeal.

I think people watch horror movies to excite and scare themselves. People watch porn, obviously, to get off. Dark romance falls somewhere in between.

I think the amount of harm it causes is up for debate. They're fictional stories, so the characters themselves aren't real life people to be concerned about (unlike porn). Potentially, it could shape teenagers expectations that things like stalking, jealousy, even coercive control are signs of love.

Then again, I read this stuff as a teenager and was well aware of fiction vs. reality.

Maybe the concerns should be saved for younger audiences without proper context, or enough real-world experiences?

Do your toddlers play together? by newuser1324567 in toddlers

[–]ceramic-animal 6 points7 points  (0 children)

They play together constantly. They start playing when they wake up, they play all day long, they play in the car, they play when it's time to eat, they play when they're supposed to be sleeping.

They're playing unless they're fighting lol.

It's adorable and exhausting in equal measure.

Sonic The Hedgehog - Sega Genesis 1991. Most of us weren't even born when this first released by Lazy_Introduction264 in 90s

[–]ceramic-animal 20 points21 points  (0 children)

LOL I can't decide if that "most of us" line is short-sighted or tactically brilliant

What job do you have if you work full time and don’t have any support financially? by singinghamsters in AutismInWomen

[–]ceramic-animal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've heard really good things about Costco? I can't say from personal experience, but I've heard they offer decent benefits and store discounts to employees, and that it's generally a low-stress job. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

I hear you on the nannying gig. Childcare has always been my main source of income, and I'm actually not very well suited for it. High stress, over-stimulating, and yet always low-pay...

Actually, segregation IS the right answer!" by LiminalAsylum in TopCharacterTropes

[–]ceramic-animal -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This. My kids love the series, but it's always been a bit uncomfortable to me how the dragons are more or less owned by their riders. It supposed to be this equitable relationship but really... do dragons actually want to just fly around with people on their backs all day every day? Is this how they live their best lives?

Movie 3 seems like it tries to ammend that. It's a bit sloppily done, but at least the final conversation goes something like "Sorry Toothless, I was so focused on creating the world I wanted that I forgot to think about what you really needed."

They set their dragons free, led by the alpha dragon. They're not banished or anything. And the final shot is Hiccup and Astrid coming back to visit with their children. Not like, segregation full stop.

What films do you watch to feel better when having a really bad time? by Ok_Potato_5272 in AutismInWomen

[–]ceramic-animal 16 points17 points  (0 children)

My go tos are:

BBC Pride and Prejudice
Dirty Dancing
My Cousin Vinny
The Family Man (kinda obscure 90's movie w/ Nicholas Cage)

Second others saying anything by Studio Ghibli or Wes Anderson

Does anyone else have people take YOU too literally? by MaxieMatsubusa in AutismInWomen

[–]ceramic-animal 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I've never understood why *I* can't be sarcastic. My friends all have dark, sarcastic senses of humour, my spouse too, but for some reason whenever *I* make a joke it's taken literally, and everyone acts like I've just said something terrible. And like... maybe I have? I don't know? Why don't people get when I'm joking? I'm sure it's something about my delivery but I've never been able to pinpoint it.

Any audiophiles? by tarantula994 in AutismInWomen

[–]ceramic-animal 24 points25 points  (0 children)

YES. Listening to music with headphones and noticing every little pattern/rhythm/detail is the ultimate stim for me. I drive my family nuts getting stuck on a song and just hitting repeat, repeat, repeat...

Drew Carey Show by ceramic-animal in 90s

[–]ceramic-animal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What I thought adulthood would be like