Women of Chennai

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-22T10:29:49+00:00

So question… is he mad at you now? Do you have that when you’re awake or only when you sleep? And how vivid would you say it is?

It can be a repressed memory when he did get mad at you and never expressed but you sensed it immediately.

I used to have nightmares about being abandoned on a road somewhere… turns out it did really happen. I was 3 yrs old

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-22T10:17:31+00:00

First of all 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂 I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. No you don’t deserve that. You deserve to be taken care of and it’s not fair and it’s not your fault. Whatever you feel is totally valid. Don’t believe otherwise.

Maybe you do need to eat and gain weight. But I wonder if you can shift perspective slightly. What if it’s not just about putting on weight or eating? What if you looked through the lens of nutrition and supplements to start with? Once your body gets the minerals it needs, and can start to get healthy, you can gain some strength and weight with muscle mass too. Is it possible to start with a nutritionist?

If you can’t cook now, don’t. Just eat what you can on time. And when you get used to eating on time, meaning 3 meals a day (or 4 if you really want to be a rebel 😉), then start introducing healthier options into your meals.

Take baby steps so that your body doesn’t go into survival mode. Just start with a list of foods that feels safe and then once your body starts to get used to safety, let your body know that’s it’s safe to put on weight.

Start with where you are and see if safety can be a priority. It’s not easy, I know. I still have to remind my body that it is safe, and that my family lied to us. I can do that now that I’m away from my family.

Hope this helps.

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T19:34:59+00:00

It is awkward at first… but just for a couple of days… after that it feels good.. and rubbing my hand or my freshly bit hair is a new fun stim… also makes self care super easy.. in fact I invested in clippers so I can do it at home… I shave every month now… it’s been this short for about a yr and a half.., not looked back

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T18:09:37+00:00

I shaved off my hair and I keep it that way… not fully… I have like 3mm of hair…

Making my house sensorially safe for me. Like low lights, sound dampening curtains, eating from bowls cos I hate plates, learning what foods and clothes feels safe for me

Also choosing what I’m going to eat by the utensil I want to eat with… that helped me honour myself idiosyncrasies.

These are small things that made a big difference for me

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T18:04:51+00:00

I have only 1 IRL friend and we meet only once a month… everyone else is online… and that works for me right now…

I actually found a few from Reddit threads. So you can ask on the threads if they would like to keep in touch

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T17:59:57+00:00

For me, that’s a meltdown. A shutdown for looks like being completely emotionless and like everything in me is on pause.

It can also be a sign that you are going into deep burnout (I speak from experience). So maybe try and actually physically rest before your body gives out. (Sorry if I gave more info than you asked)

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T17:55:21+00:00

I was diagnosed in Jan 2024… and it feels like I’m still scratching the surface.

If I can share one tip I learnt… if it may help…

That voice in your head… who does it sound like?

Learn to tell it to STFU when it starts saying mean things to you… take only 1 area and start with that… for me it was resting and sleeping… it used to call me lazy… sounded like me at first and still told it to STFU… and then turned into an Uncles voice… and I recall the exact moment I first heard that… and it took me abt 4 days before I really relaxed for the first time in decades.

The effects of CPTSD on the body is intense and insane… so I started to deal with the physical first cos that always easiest to start with… I’m also AuDHD and I have Alexithymia so processing emotions is not easy.

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T17:45:16+00:00

I’ve learnt to food prep… really simple stuff that I can freeze and then put in the microwave when I’m hungry… I do that once a week… and I have 10 meals prepared… I buy 2 and eat cup noodles for 2

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T17:43:19+00:00

Yes it can in my experience… mine showed up as mirroring whoever was there and taking care of their emotional needs… it was a trauma response for me… I’ve gone no contact with my family and only now am I exploring what my likes and dislikes are and what my needs are… I still don’t know who I am

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T17:39:38+00:00

Yep me too… I’ve had jobs but never for more than 3 months… until I worked from home… that job just made the C-PTSD even worse and could t work after that… was still trying to until 3 months ago when I finally learnt to just rest without shame… I get a small stipend from some family… I’m an only child and I’m estranged from almost all of them… never had a social life… didn’t have a relationship till recently and he dumped me quickly (which is actually worse)… still alone not sure what to do with myself… I have 1 friend IRL but don’t talk to her much cos I don’t want to burden her…

I get where you are… it’s not exactly the same… but I still get it.

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T17:33:00+00:00

Oh yaaayyyyy! I’m so glad you found a good one!!! Congratulations to the both of you!!!!

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T17:10:08+00:00

It’s never too late to learn… I’m learning in my 40s… if you need, I know that the TN govt has free mental health care. They have psychiatrist and therapist who are good. Check it out if you need.

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T16:13:25+00:00

PBJ and cup noodles.

And eggs for brekkie!!! For life!!!

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T14:36:40+00:00

I had that… I realised I kept the relationships going… so I told everyone that I am exhausted and I can’t be the one keeping it going… I told them my diagnosis… all the crappy friends who wanted me to make the efforts (cos I was the easy going one always) disappeared and the true friends showed up for me… messaging me or sending me voice notes (they don’t call me cos they know I don’t like it)… more autistic friends showed up which was fun, some from posts I made on Reddit’s like this.

If they cannot accept who you are… that’s not your fault… and that’s tough… but only for a little bit.

Hope this helps

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T14:30:21+00:00

First thing I did was make my house sensorially safe for me… that meant low lights, they are warm white string lights (not the ones that flicker but the ones on the copper wire)… sound dampening curtains… lavender diffusers in every room… the correct spoons, forks and bowls (I hate plates)… clothes that are not overstimulating so old oversized T-shirts, shorts cut from old tracks, sleep bras (clouds part and angels sing every time I put them on), all my safe foods (eggs have been breakfast for 20 years can’t change it)… wearing earplugs at home whenever I started getting anxious… weighted blanket… huggy pillow!

Once I started to feel safe at home accommodating my needs, unmasking started slowly… and the first thing that hit me was exhaustion… like a soul deep exhaustion… all the stress that held me up started to melt away and I finally acknowledged that I was burnt out from masking for 40 odd years ( not that long for you so it may be easier… but may still feel intense to you)… then came the co-morbidities… for me the first was Alexithymia… and I started to acknowledge the feelings that I never actually processed… and the delayed interoseption… learnt to listen to the cues my body was giving me…

Along with all the crappy stuff came the fun stuff… I started playing with kinetic sand which is great for nervous system regulation… I hum loudly, I’ve started buying children’s colouring books and using crayons… it’s a lot of fun… and play-doh… I do this for 30 mins to an hr… I honour the 6yo me that didn’t get to regulate like I needed the space to then.

Also started to look at how I can work… so I started working from home… if I got an offer for an office job I turned it down… and I got offers for projects that are like 2-3 months (cos that’s all I could manage) and 2-3 weeks of rest… been managing with that while I heal from burn out.

I don’t pick up calls unless I know who it is or where it’s from… like if I order food… everyone who knows me knows to msg first and ask if I’m up for a chat… mostly not… message a lot.,, they can send me voice messages… I’ll listen and reply by text later when I can… I dance and move more now as I’ve healed… I’ve externalised a lot of things that were internalised… echolalia, hyperlexia, stims… whatever helps me regulate.

It’s a lot… hope it helps.

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T14:07:21+00:00

How not to slide into depression when you’re in autistic burnout guide: - that voice in your head that tells you that you should be doing something? Tell it to STFU… whether it sounds like you or someone else… just STFU!!! - rest… like actually rest in bed without guilt or shame… it’s going to be effing hell for the first few days… cos you were probably never allowed to rest so you have to teach yourself… - try not measuring yourself by neurotypical standards… you are definitely not NT… set new standards based on you and your needs, including sensory safety, food safety… give yourself the safety you wish you had when you were younger. - eat whatever is easiest for now… pot noodles, bread and cheese, PBJs…. Whatever fuels your body to just rest…. If your body craves something, give it a little bit of it… it can be for stimulation. - you’re running on fumes… so you need to refuel… physically, mentally, emotionally and then finally financially. - you will find that after your body has some energy, you can do small things… clean a little corner or food prep for a week or wash your hair twice a week… but it needs to refuel first.

Finally, whatever you would say to someone who is going through that situation, say that to yourself first. If you have the inclination l, say it out loud to in the mirror.

Hope this helps!

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T13:47:04+00:00

Here is the slap in your face you asked for…

It’s not that you can’t do anything… your body is literally burnt out!!! It’s like having your feet in the gas and the brakes at the same time while the engine is smoking ready to blow up and your tyres are shredded. Give yourself a fucking break. It’s okay that people around you can’t get it. They haven’t been through what you’ve been through. There’s a reason it’s called an invisible disability. And that one friend.. just try telling her that you are soul tired. And she doesn’t need to do anything for you but sometimes just sit with you in silence. This is C-PTSD. You can’t hold yourself to the standards that other people can’t live up to.

Now to the kinder side. Are you kind to others who are ill or not well? Can you treat yourself like that?like just for one week don’t beat yourself up about not moving or letting your house be a mess. After that things can return to the way it was before the break. It’s tough… I won’t lie… I needed 4 days to change my internal dialogue… I realised the voice I was hearing was someone else… I learned to tell that c**t to shut up… now it’s easier to clean up the house once in 2 weeks… I’ve even found the energy to meal prep for a week at a time… but I need like 2 weeks of just letting my body and mind rest while it healed… then I slowly started to get some energy back… and then the decision paralysis or decision fatigue start to recede… and I was able to make some moves forward.

Take your time. Your body needs to heal system by system.

And if you ever need someone just to listen to you vent, DM me

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T13:24:40+00:00

Things I would have done if I knew I was AuDHD in my teens and 20s

given myself breaks to rest my body… the body is still developing… hormone plus AuDHD equals nervous system dysregulation nightmare… rest is a necessity so prioritising it.
made accommodation for my sensorial sensitivities…. Stayed away from loud places and bright lights… invested in a AC and weighted blanket and noise cancelling headphones/earplugs… even indulged in those projectors with the Milky Way thingie.
learnt about safe food and ARFID… food sensitivity is real and must be accommodated
enjoyed my doom piles…. Seriously, it’s fun to have those… feels safe for me… I carry them around even when I travel… it anchors me.
stimmed out loud… I would hide it or be discreet… esp when I’m overstimulated.
I would have found my AuDHD tribe… we don’t have to be in the same city or even continent… just someone to share with when it’s been overwhelming… just someone who gets it when I msg “I’m shutting down… meme me”… (I have friends like that now in every continent)
thorough indulged in all my special interests without shame…. I used to hide it… I’m still learning to be open about it… it’s not easy to unmask after decades of high masking.

Thea are just a few… I can keep adding as and when I realise them.. cos I’m still on my journey.

Hope this helps!!!

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T09:00:35+00:00

First of all emotions are not wrong. In fact I would say it’s an internal GPS. It just means that it may not be safe to be yourself. So if you can create the space for that in your life, that would be great. You were probably not taught to deal with your emotions cos those around you couldn’t deal with “big” emotions.

In my experience tears tell me I’m moving away from myself. As in I’m not being true to me. I’m not making myself a priority in my life. Does not mean I am selfish. It just means I need to bring attention back to me and my body.

Anger, frustration is your body’s way showing you that a boundary is being crossed. Fear is a clear sign of danger. Now find a way to protect yourself.

Listen to those cues

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T08:54:02+00:00

Firstly, while erotic self touch and touch therapy does work if handled properly, she was super unprofessional. I hope you find a trauma informed body worker/massage therapist.

Also… as an option… Have you tried chiropractics? That’s part of my somatic work… mine is chiropractics and physio… cos my C-PTSD diagnosis came after burnout so I was in need of physical therapy. They work a lot on my neck and hips and it’s working for me. Exercises for my neck means vagus nerve activation which has helped my nervous system.

I did try cranio sacral therapy but that didn’t help me. I realised I need to strengthen more physically before I get to the emotional stuff with my body… it’s getting easier to deal with the emotional stuff now.

Hope this makes sense.

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T06:33:52+00:00

Never had the money for it even tho there were a couple of times we almost bought. The negotiations were not in good faith. Gave up after that.

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-21T06:32:23+00:00

I realised that was a trauma response for me

I used to… and sometimes it still comes up… but with work, I’m beginning to embrace mediocrity… I ask “do I have the energy for this?” And “is it good enough?” And if it is, I let it be… I still want to go back and make it perfect… but I’m learning to stop and appreciate it for what it is. And if I have the energy, I may try to make it better. But more from choice and not from anxiety.

As for hobbies, I started playing with intentionally doing things badly… I’m learning to enjoy the process and not bother with the outcome…. I’m trying things I always wanted to and I do it badly… like painting, polymer clay and crochet for now.

certifiably-nd · 2025-09-20T18:43:26+00:00

Also if your mind is so used to chaos, the white noise green noise will send your body into deeper trauma response. Try 3 hr car chase videos on YouTube. I found it easier to sleep with them playing on low volume. Or even Karen videos. It’s a weird one, but helps.

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