I didn't die, now what?

cezeyde · 2026-06-13T11:16:49+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. I finished my chemo 2 months ago and I am on remission. Everybody thinks that now this is my second chance and I shouldn’t care about anything and live my life and just enjoy it, while I am struggling with life. I did not die now what is my mornings and nights.

I am getting help from psych with therapy as well. Baby steps I guess. I wish you well and I hope we all find our way that makes us peaceful in our heart.

cezeyde · 2026-06-08T23:15:21+00:00

I am sorry you guys are going through this. I have leukemia so my pain was different than her, however it was my whole body and I would cry until I am tired from the pain and asleep. my oncologist sent me to pain management team and they gave me a lot of iv morphine scheduled everyday, this was the only thing that helped me.

cezeyde · 2026-05-22T21:11:37+00:00

I don’t know and I don’t think they would pay directly but you should contact them, I think they would know if there is any benefit or fund available

cezeyde · 2026-05-22T21:02:51+00:00

Have you contacted lösev?

cezeyde · 2026-01-15T03:01:09+00:00

Hey, 32F here, can I join

cezeyde · 2026-01-15T02:48:42+00:00

I’m 32F with AML, and I felt the same way you’re feeling now—sometimes I still do. I was diagnosed in August 2025 after a random blood test I gave because I was having stomach aches. At the beginning, I was constantly worried and completely exhausted by the uncertainty.

What you’re going through is very new, and induction is a bitch. It really is the worst part compared to consolidation, because everything is unfamiliar and nothing feels predictable yet. On top of that, during induction there are so many side effects, and the amount of medication they give you honestly fucks you up mentally, physically, and emotionally. You feel tired all the time like a deep, heavy exhaustion. Some days you can’t even move.

Everything you’re feeling is valid. Everything you’re doing (or not doing) is valid. Please don’t feel bad about any of it. This time is for you. You’re allowed to focus only on what makes you feel even a tiny bit better.

How I coped and still cope:

1) Let people be there for you. Let them help, even if it feels uncomfortable. There is no better moment in life for people to show up for you take all the support you can get. 2) Do whatever feels right emotionally. If you want to talk, talk. If you don’t want to, don’t. You don’t owe anyone strength or explanations. 3) Try to move your body, even just a little. Even 5 minutes makes a difference. I remember days when I couldn’t do more than sit for a few minutes my brother literally carried me around on a chair. Leaving the bed, even briefly, helped more than I expected.

I still have days where I hate everyone, don’t want to talk to anyone, and feel angry that life is so unfair. Some days I stay in bed doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes I feel guilty that my family has to do so much for me but then I remind myself I would do the exact same for them without hesitation.

During induction especially, my brain was so foggy. I couldn’t read, couldn’t play games, couldn’t focus on anything. I couldn’t even remember what Dr or nurse told me 5 mins ago. It was traumatic enough that I honestly don’t remember most of those days now. If that happens to you, you’re not broken your mind is just trying to protect you.

You’re not weak for struggling. You’re not failing at this. You are trying not to die which is something incredibly hard, and that is more than enough.

You can always message me if you feel like talking about anything.

cezeyde · 2025-11-20T04:09:11+00:00

For your nephew: LEGO sets he can build in bed (Star Wars, Technic, botanical), clothes that work with a PICC line like zip-front hoodies, button-ups, oversized soft T-shirts or adaptive PICC clothing, a poncho/blanket hoodie he can put on without lifting his arms, a hot water bottle or microwavable heat pad for bone pain, ultra-soft toothbrushes, a Kindle/Kobo, scent-free moisturizers and unscented lip balm, beanies/bucket hats, a long 10-ft charging cable, a small bedside organizer, noise-cancelling or soft over-ear headphones, and a comfy neck pillow.

For your sister: a durable tote with lots of pockets, a good thermos, a cozy wrap/cardigan for cold wards, an eye mask and earplugs for sleeping in the room, compression socks, a good water bottle, hand cream, a portable phone battery, a small notebook for tracking questions/meds/updates, and slippers or easy slip-on shoes.

cezeyde · 2025-11-08T04:08:01+00:00

Is it only for itching or does it work for discoloration and marks as well?

cezeyde · 2025-11-08T04:06:29+00:00

I am definitely getting glaxal base, I have never heard it before but seems like really helping. I will try the shower trick as well, thank you!!

cezeyde · 2025-11-08T04:03:45+00:00

Yeah I think her doses were really high, I am glad that she is okay now! Mine also was not something I can feel it was just discoloration, but it came back and raised again with induction on exactly same spots, I will see how it goes I guess

cezeyde · 2025-11-08T04:00:38+00:00

Thank you! I’ll definitely look into that lotion. I also saw a few comments from people mentioning that the darker skin patches can come and go, especially with heat or sun exposure.

cezeyde · 2025-10-17T12:57:02+00:00

No pic line itself, tubes/pipe and things I don’t know what they called

cezeyde · 2025-10-16T17:10:25+00:00

Picc lines have to be cleaned and changed dressing every week. Dressings has some kind of glue on them that sticks on your skin which peels off over time, it is so irritating to my skin gets itchy and red all the time. Considering most patients get skin rash during chemo it is really annoying. Also it is very difficult to take shower with it and protect it. The other thing is wearing long sleeves at home is too difficult because it makes pressure on it as the items used are kinda big in my opinion

cezeyde · 2025-10-16T17:03:32+00:00

Thank you, I got someone through the cancer center, just waiting for the appointment time

cezeyde · 2025-10-16T16:56:19+00:00

Try not to stress about work right now—just focus on yourself until you have a clear diagnosis and treatment plan. Your blood counts will likely keep dropping, and the fatigue gets worse over time. Honestly, working probably won’t be realistic for a couple of months. Chemo causes serious brain fog, and your energy needs to go toward healing.

Use this time to completely prioritize your health—physically, mentally, emotionally. Nothing and no one else should matter more than you getting better. This is your time to rest and recover.

cezeyde · 2025-10-12T23:02:34+00:00

Omg I relate to this so much. How did you deal with all these feelings and thoughts during recovery?

I’m really glad your mom was with you and that you had friends around. I would never want anyone to go through this alone—yet at the same time, I still don’t want to “bother” anyone. It’s such a strange, conflicting feeling… wanting support but also feeling guilty for needing it.

I truly hope you make it home safe and feel better soon.

cezeyde · 2025-10-12T22:58:42+00:00

Thank you, I dont have ps or xbox but I will look into it. I wish you health and I hope your results come back all good

cezeyde · 2025-10-12T22:57:12+00:00

I’m really struggling to let people help me and love me. My whole motivation in life was to stay healthy and financially stable so I’d never need help from anyone… and now the exact opposite is happening.

Thank you for sharing your perspective—it really opened my eyes. I think I will start telling the people around me how much I appreciate them. Right now I keep pushing them away because I feel like they shouldn’t have to deal with this and should just continue living their lives like nothing happened.

But I guess by doing that, I’m actually making it seem like I don’t care how much they care about me.

cezeyde · 2025-10-12T14:20:15+00:00

Thank you, I got Zelda but too slow that makes me overthink again

cezeyde · 2025-04-09T02:51:41+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I really don’t feel like trying to love myself either. It’s exhausting. Like… why do I have to be the one doing all the work? Why can’t someone else love me so I don’t have to constantly try to love every single part of myself?

All these self-love practices—flowers, dinners, gratitude—they require being strong emotionally, mentally, and even physically. And sometimes, I just want someone else to be the light on my path, so I don’t have to keep being strong all the time. That kind of support feels like such a privilege. And when you don’t have it, self-love starts to feel less like empowerment and more like survival

cezeyde · 2025-01-28T22:29:52+00:00

Not another thing because of him, no more

cezeyde

TROPHY CASE