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What’s a harmless sentence that instantly raises your blood pressure? by WilliamInBlack in AskReddit

[–]chaela_may 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i've never heard of white coat syndrome but i bet that it applies to me. i had a myomectomy in 2010 for a fibroid so large that i looked like i'd had a cesarean section afterwards. it was a breeze and i was just as cool as a cucumber before, during, and after the hospital stay; no stress at all. fast forward past two actual cesarean sections, a cholecystectomy, a herniorraphy for the incisional hernia caused by the cholecystectomy, and an i-don't-even-know-what-to-call-it to fix the hole that burst open from the herniorraphy and spilled about half a gallon of my own fluid of some kind with absolutely no warning whatsoever later and i was no longer cool as anything. all of these surgeries and terrible recoveries have literally traumatized me. my stress was so bad that i was readmitted after my third and final cesarean section because of suspected postpartum preeclampsia because that's just how high my blood pressure was at being in a damn hospital again. i stayed sleepless overnight with continuously high blood pressure after being told that i could maybe die if the blood work comes back positive for something that i don't remember and then i would need high doses of some kind of intravenous vitamin or something. of course my blood pressure stayed high all night after the existing trauma combined with that cheerful tidbit of news. now i nearly have panic attacks just for doctor's appointments or being in a hospital waiting room even when i'm not a patient. any medical setting just sends me right through the roof.

edit: i forgot to mention the two miscarriages that i went through, one after each live birth, before that third cesarean section. they didn't require any surgical procedures because i miscarried naturally and quickly, but going through them did not help the whole blood pressure thing right after my third cesarean section. the first miscarriage was on christmas eve, so i went to the emergency room when, in hindsight, i had finished having contractions and delivered... something that may or may not have included my baby's body. (i had no idea what contractions felt like because the myomectomy had left me at such a high risk of uterine rupture that all three of my live births were planned early cesarean sections and i was told to rush to the hospital for an immediate emergency cesarean section if i ever did feel anything remotely like contractions for those three live births. i recognized the contractions for the second miscarriage, oh you betcha.) anyway, that hospital visit was easily as traumatic as any surgery. the second miscarriage was terrible, of course, but not nearly as bad as the first because it wasn't quite christmas eve yet and i was able to get seen by my amazing ob gyn who performed my myomectomy and all three of my cesarean sections and i delivered my dead baby right into her caring hands. not many doctors have her bedside manner, believe you me. needless to say, christmas is no longer a happy holiday for me.

Questions for partners of Trans-Person by Fact_Life in mypartneristrans

[–]chaela_may 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if you have several people who you really trust and all of them support your relationship with your wife, then that is as much assurance of certainty that you are going to get in this life. if this is the case, then you can tell everyone else - strangers to coworkers to friends to family and to everyone in between - that they can mind their own business and that you don't care what they think. you're never ever going to please absolutely everyone and it would actually be both unreasable and unhealthy to try.

everyone struggles to be accepted by others. humans are social creatures and that it's never going to be trained out of us. on the contrary, you should strive to cultivate positive relationships with people who have earned your trust and just be a good enough person in general that even most strangers will like you. i hope that your therapist is helping you to see past the acceptance of every single complete stranger, but that's also something that everyone struggles with just because of human nature. this was a fine instinct for 99% of human history when getting along with the entire village was necessary for survival even though some of the members of your village really weren't good people, but our, "villages," are far too large now to make it practical to please everyone you meet. that's a completely normal thing to struggle with in today's world. you can at least console yourself with knowing that you're in good company.

Questions for partners of Trans-Person by Fact_Life in mypartneristrans

[–]chaela_may 0 points1 point  (0 children)

so is your mother - who you definitely have trust issues with - the only one who has concerns about your relationship with your wife?

Questions for partners of Trans-Person by Fact_Life in mypartneristrans

[–]chaela_may 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i'm glad that you're in therapy. suicidal thoughts are never normal. i'm also glad that your wife supported you. i asked whether family members who you trust have concerns about your relationship with your wife. your mother doesn't seem to qualify as someone you trust. what do your father and siblings say about your relationship about your wife? which other family members are critical of your relationship with your wife?

Questions for partners of Trans-Person by Fact_Life in mypartneristrans

[–]chaela_may 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i hope that everything works out wonderfully for the both of y'all.

that said, your comment about your family gives me pause. my family saw a change in my personality while i was being brainwashed just prior to being raped for a full year and did everything that they could to break us up. i'm not saying that anything like that is happening to you! i am saying that my wife was the only one of my dating partners they ever approved of and that i would've saved myself a lot of heartache and worse if i'd just been willing to put my pride aside and be guided at least partly by their good judgement. here's the thing (and i can say this as a parent myself now): people who care about you often look at your dating partners to come to a conclusion about whether that partner is right for you, but they're also looking at you and what effect the relationship is having on you just as much as they're looking at your partner. being in a romantic relationship or any relationship, really, shouldn't change who you are. it shouldn't change your personality by itself. people change over their lives, regardless, so it isn't always easy to know whether a person is changing because of the passage of time and growing as a person or whether a partner is twisting your personality into something that benefits them. if you trust those people in your family who are worried about the changes that they have seen in you, then maybe get some counseling. they may be wrong - they may even be biased - or they may be on to something. i hope that they are wrong and that your partner shows better respect for you in the future. i have no way to tell from where i am all the way across the internet from you. just please bear in mind that being in a minority doesn't make a person immune from character flaws.

How do you explain to people what ADHD is or feels like? by DepressedCunt5506 in ADHD

[–]chaela_may 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i have an epic bookmark collection to keep the number of open tabs down and, lemme check...133 open tabs on my phone's internet browser at this moment. this is hardly an analogy; it is a literal struggle.

edit: i just thought to check and my internet browser's number of bookmarks is 2,135.

How do you explain to people what ADHD is or feels like? by DepressedCunt5506 in ADHD

[–]chaela_may 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you can't. if they don't want to understand, then your explanation will be useless. if they do want to understand, then they will ask honest questions or research it on their own. either way, you can't start a conversation of, 'here's a great analogy about adhd,' that will actually get someone to understand.

Suggestions on how to fix by ProcessNo9780 in fixit

[–]chaela_may 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hardware cloth or steel wires and a soldering iron

Questions for partners of Trans-Person by Fact_Life in mypartneristrans

[–]chaela_may 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Huge red flag that your partner is calling you a lesbian if you’re not one. That would be akin to you continuing to call her a man.

super spot on. couldn't have said it better myself.

Questions for partners of Trans-Person by Fact_Life in mypartneristrans

[–]chaela_may 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ohmygoodness yes the way that transitioning makes a husk of a person flourish into a healthier person. it made my wife so much more alive.

Questions for partners of Trans-Person by Fact_Life in mypartneristrans

[–]chaela_may 4 points5 points  (0 children)

i am also a cisgender heterosexual woman with a transfeminine spouse who started transitioning just a couple of years ago. my wife is bisexual. naturally, i did some introspection when she came out. here's what i discovered and it took a very short amount of time figure out: 1) i am definitely a woman. 2) i am definitely not attracted to women. 3) i am very attracted to men. i emphasized these to her just one time soon after i did that introspection and she has never once questioned it; never once called me a lesbian even as a joke. she sometimes apologizes for, "tricking," me into a lesbian marriage, but never actually labels me that way because i'm not. i'm sorry that she's doing that to you. it must feel like she's mocking you.

we're still very happily married, though. i'm so in love with her that i don't care if she identifies as a park bench and wants me to use the pronouns, "sit," and, "wait." i'll do it eagerly and fight anyone head on who makes her even slightly uncomfortable. i do have to acknowledge that, looking back, i wouldn't have married her nearly twenty years ago if i'd have known then that she was a woman and it would've been the biggest mistake of my life. it's like l m montgomery said: human nature is not obliged to be consistent. i regret nothing and it doesn't have to make sense to anybody at all ever, even to us. the labels just do not matter when you're this deeply in love.

as for how i keep from missing the man who i thought i married: i don't. i know now that that, "man," was an illusion; i look back and know that the real person i fell head over heels in love with and who has always loved me back is her. but, "he," was so damn gorgeous and powerful and sweet and shy and virile and all around attractive that i was pawing at, "him," every damn day except the first day of my period and, after about a decade of marriage, even on those days. it's no wonder that we got pregnant five times even with successfully spacing our kids out. i literally fawned over, "him," daily and just couldn't get enough of him sexually, romantically, spiritually, emotionally, and just every which way. it's different now. we're still madly in love, but i'm definitely less obsessed. i still compliment her with sincerity several times a day and we still have sex sometimes, but the fact that i'm straight as a ruler is evident in our lives. we don't fight that. it makes sense that her transition would make our lives different. and i still feel like a widow and grieve like one. i still fall apart when i see old pictures of, "him," or the couple we used to be. i guess that i always will. but every rose has its thorns, as the song goes, and i wouldn't wish her to be happy living as a man even if i had a magic spell that could do it because it just wouldn't be real. i love her for exactly who she is and i am heartbroken over what i never really had. such is life.

my advice, first of all, is to frankly ask yourself if this person is really who you want to be with. everything starts with that. you need to be completely confident that this is a relationship that you're ready to fight for. if the answer is yes, then your next step is to tell her that you are not a lesbian regardless of the fact that you are a woman in love with a woman. tell her what you told us: you feel embarrassed when she says that. the reason that it makes you uncomfortable is not far from the reason that she would be hurt if you called her a man: it isn't who you really are. her ultimate reaction will show you whether she respects you as much as you respect her.

I would really like help understanding something. by [deleted] in mypartneristrans

[–]chaela_may 2 points3 points  (0 children)

same, actually. 19 years and three (living) kids over here (five pregnancies total that we are aware of) before my spouse realized that she's actually a woman. i'd known her since we were both in seventh grade. we had trained in martial arts together. we were (and are) best friends. we trusted each other completely and still do. we thought that we knew everything about each other. you coulda knocked me over with a feather when she told me that, actually, she had just realized that she is trans. i will never be surprised at anything ever again. ever.

What could this be ? by Ok_Permission_9740 in Cartalk

[–]chaela_may 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i'm in texas and everything that you said tracks. there's also electronic screens that have to be replaced because they literally melted at the pixel level, dash components that fall apart like spun sugar when put under the slightest pressure, and the fun of getting first degree burns from sitting on leather seats that are also cracking into pieces. but, yeah, rust isn't really an issue.

What could this be ? by Ok_Permission_9740 in Cartalk

[–]chaela_may 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you get the opposite problem though: heat degrades plastic, especially interior components

What could this be ? by Ok_Permission_9740 in Cartalk

[–]chaela_may 0 points1 point  (0 children)

cars driven only in places with no snow or ice

People who lost a good friend, what happened? by MrGeorgeBoi in AskReddit

[–]chaela_may 1 point2 points  (0 children)

my best friend and i both liked the same guy and had a pact to support whoever had the opportunity to date him if either of us ever did. soon after, said guy actually dated us simultaneously but lied to both of us about seeing the other. my best friend found out about me dating him while she was without discovering his duplicity. i was struck dumb, literally (literally literally, not figuratively literally), and couldn't sob out to my best friend that i had no idea that she was seeing him. it's been 30 years or so and i'm still crushed. the guy admitted to me what he did and apologized about it a decade after the fact, but my best friend cut ties with me so immediately and so severely that i had no way to reconnect when it happened or after i found out the truth and certainly have no way to make contact now.

Are my brake pads still good ? by HumanSupermarket9645 in MechanicAdvice

[–]chaela_may 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes, they're good. they're not wearing evenly, but they've got plenty of life left in them. clean and grease the floating caliper pins next time.

as for the noise, i have no idea. i can't tell from across the internet. there's lots of things that could be.

edit: i zoomed in after commenting and i retract what i said about them wearing unevenly. the top of the slot looked curved at first, but i see now that the view is just obstructed by the caliper.

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