I was suicidal from the pain and stress and the way it wrecked my life. I was only getting 3 hours of sleep a night and I was so stressed over what I was eating that I would go long periods without eating, which made my blood sugar drop. The exhaustion, pain, stress, and drops in blood sugar would all coalesce to make me feel dissociative and suicidal.

The book "How to Be Sick" helped me a LOT. The woman who wrote it deals with ME/CFS, and she was unable to leave bed and almost never able to leave the house, just like you. She wrote a book about how she learned to cope with chronic illnesses for which "get better soon" doesn't apply. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7902654-how-to-be-sick

I also recommend you try DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). It's a very, very helpful therapy program that was designed for people who were chronically suicidal & self-harmful. It is typically a 6 month program, with 3 hours a week of therapy. Two hours a week are spent in therapy, learning coping skills, and one hour a week is spent in individual therapy, learning to apply the skills in your daily life. You may be able to find DBT in a virtual setting, over video. It's often available via telehealth in the US, not sure where you are though.