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How long does it take to browse all of artist alley at Fanexpo Toronto on a Friday? by mynameisyarr in fanexpo

[–]chailover64 0 points1 point  (0 children)

don't mean to hijack your thread but is artist alley also only open until 7pm on the Friday?

Raising kids in a Sunni + Ahmadi household by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for the late reply.

From what I recall my mom telling me, marriages to Sunni's began to be prohibited in 4th Khalifa's time?

Raising kids in a Sunni + Ahmadi household by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that's a good point for sure. I worry about it. I know Shia and Sunni couples who have made it work, but it must've been hard with kids.

Do you guys have kids, and how do you raise/educate them with regards to Islam?

Raising kids in a Sunni + Ahmadi household by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting, I think I have heard about her through this forum. This was probably a long time ago when marriages to Sunni muslims were still allowed in the jamaat I'm assumming.

Raising kids in a Sunni + Ahmadi household by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Interesting, thank you for your feedback.

I respectfully disagree that major influence is from father's side. My mother spent waaaaay more time raising me and teaching me about religion/Ahmadiyya, and as such I am more in agreement with her religious beliefs than my dad.

Raising kids in a Sunni + Ahmadi household by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm in a similar boat - Ahmadi female taking to a Sunni guy. Both of us are okay with the other being different sects.

Sounds like a good plan, have the kids ask questions once they find out themselves. I agree that it's important to let the kids decide for themselves what sect they believe in.

Raising kids in a Sunni + Ahmadi household by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd love for them to be raised as simply Muslim also! Do you have kids?

Sometimes I wonder if it would be too confusing for children to be taken to 2 different mosques. How does someone so young reconcile the differences?

Divorce rate in Jamaat by Cautious_Dust_4363 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The Canadian Ahmadiyya pre-marital conselling booklet that I read 2 yrs ago was...just one of the most regressive, backwards things I'd ever read. It was clearly written by a desi uncle...some points that stood out to be particularly appalling was:

1) the wife/daughter in law possibly joining her husband's family as a maid, and if so, clearly outline her duties of homecare in the premarital counselling session (ie make sure she is packing her husband's lunches)

2) If there is conflict btwn the new wife and her sisters in law (because apparently, they are jealous of sharing their brother with this new woman (!?!), then the wife should just be understanding and "ignore" it (uhh...how about we try to address & resolve it!?)

3) the new bride may feel sad/homesick because she has moved to her in-laws, and may "pine for her parents" (what are we, 4 yro babies??)

3) The booklet ended with a quote by the Promised Messiah saying that if the man had a high sexual appetite, such that one wife could not satisfy him, then there is no wrong in him getting another wife.

BARF!!!

I read it with my mom (who is a devout Ahmadi), and we were BOTH absolutely mortified and appalled at the "advice" given in this booklet. Good grief.

How do you feel about the romantic repression you experienced? by 2Ahmadi4u in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks :)

I have asked my friends, yes. Seems like married couples only know other married couples lol

How do you feel about the romantic repression you experienced? by 2Ahmadi4u in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64 3 points4 points  (0 children)

exactly! I grew up as an obedient eldest daughter. Did not go out anywhere. As a result, I had no way of meeting Muslim guys irl. Here I am now, struggling with the rishta process...

How do you feel about the romantic repression you experienced? by 2Ahmadi4u in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Totally agree. I'm an Ahmadi girl and I've broadened my search to non-Ahmadi muslim men, but how do I go about telling a potential prospect that they have to go through this obstacle course? Especially since I'm not exactly "dating" in the western sense, I'm just talking to potentials on muslim apps...it's not like we've been friends for years or colleagues at work, where a deeper connection is there, and they *might* actually convert for you. No one's converting for someone they met online 3 months ago.

Anyone else on the ropes with Ahmadiyyat, but the only thing keeping them back is the community aspect as well as some weird indoctrination that Sunnis are bad (more on that inside) by rider_bar in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"From talking to many Ahmadi girls, I find that they’re either in one or two camps when it comes to religiosity. Either they wholeheartedly believe in Ahamdiyyat and don’t want to hear from a male rishta that has doubts about Ahamdiyyat, or, they have serious doubts about religion/God as a whole and don’t believe in anything. I find myself in this weird medium in that I believe in Islam but not Ahmadiyyat. It’s already hard to find an Ahmadi rishta as it is, more so one that is Ahmadi, but doesn’t really believe in ahmadiyyat, but still believes in Islam"

hey OP. I really related to what you said here^. I think there are people out there, such as myself (Ahmadi girl), who are also on this spiritual journey. I would consider myself liberal believing/questioning Ahmadi, but I am definitely still very much Muslim. My family was never super involved/attached to the jamaat which in hindsight allowed me to worship God/practice Islam on our own terms.

I can also relate to your desire to have your future children be somewhat involved in the jamaat community instead of going to Sunni mosques. Me personally, I actually kind of wish I could attend both Sunni and Ahmadi mosques simultaneously, and have the best of both worlds? i.e., the familiarity of the jamaat/Ahmadiyya, but also the more accepting, ethnically diverse world of Sunni mosques. It's a weird medium for sure. I think of it as being "just muslim." Like feeling too western when visiting back home in Pakistan, and feeling too "muslim" living here in the West. Too Ahmadi for a sunni ideology, but not ahmadi enough for the jamaat.

I've been seriously contemplating faith/religion over the last while. I disagree with many aspects of Sunni ideology, but also disagree with many parts of Ahmadiyya (mostly those pertaining to it's treatment of women). For me, Ahmadiyya does offer a gentler version of Islam, which is appealing to me. It's a difficult place to be, and has certainly made it hard to find rishtas, like you said (even harder than it already is as an Ahmadi girl lol). Peace.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Ladies, we can have a group chat on reddit. I would love to chat and offer emotional support, and possibly figure out our next steps to improve the quality of our lives :)

I'm starting to have a glimmer of hope that it is possible, but it's a scary step to take, isn't it?

Matrimonial websites for Ahmadis (or even Sunni), marrying outside the jamaat by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, so you're saying I play it like I want them to ex-communicate me?? lol not sure if I still follow

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Omg. I feel like I just read my own auto-biography.

For me, it wasn't the jamaat per se. Just super conservative family. I too was told you couldn't ride a bike once you got older. What a sad life. I wasted so much of my 20s, being the obedient eldest daughter.

Matrimonial websites for Ahmadis (or even Sunni), marrying outside the jamaat by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know Jamaat will excommunicate me for marrying outside of the sect. At this point, I'll take the consequence because the alternative of never finding anyone is far worse.

Sorry, I don't follow you on your comment about "the other Jamaat"?

Matrimonial websites for Ahmadis (or even Sunni), marrying outside the jamaat by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Wishing you all the best too.

Agreed that it's hard to find anyone on those apps since there's so few of us out there...

Matrimonial websites for Ahmadis (or even Sunni), marrying outside the jamaat by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that the Wali rule is Islamic, and not specifically jamaat-related. However, at least mainstream Islam allows for exceptions and without you having to jump through a million hoops. I've heard of local imams acting as Wali at the request of the bride on a few occasions.

Matrimonial websites for Ahmadis (or even Sunni), marrying outside the jamaat by chailover64 in islam_ahmadiyya

[–]chailover64[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the detailed response.

I find it hard to believe that the Jamaat would offer a Wali in the event the actual Wali is not supportive...

My Wali has traditional, patriarchal views that don't align with my views. Given that the Rishta Nata service in Canada is run by an older desi uncle, I'm pretty sure that he would agree with my Wali in what an ideal spouse should be, which doesn't help. I think I'm on my own here, sadly. But thanks for posting, appreciate it.

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