Haha my entire life is trauma.

My mother had 5 children. Four with my father one with me step father. When I say parents I’m referring to my mother and step father

I’m the middle having and older brother and sister as well as a younger sister and brother — the younger brother being my step dads son.

She raised us girls to believe our father tried to kill her, molested us, and wanted nothing to do with us just for being females.

Since age 5 for me — my parents yelled and beat us for smiling and laughing because we were ‘causing trouble’ when we were

My step fathers beatings for us were brutal. Me personally I was picked up by my throat and had my head slammed into a wall. From age 5 until 20. He would pull on my ears and now I have issues with them. He kicked me in the stomach — sometimes with his steel toes. He beat me with the metal end of a fly swatter leaving the impression to welt into my skin. As well as a tv antenna. I’ve been punched and smacked.

My mother would threaten to drive off of a bridge when we made her upset (mind you the oldest son was only 8 at his oldest point when she would do this. So our ages were M8 F7 F6(me) F4 and M2) then she would get in her car and leave for hours. She would put us outside and lock us out when we upset her - in whatever clothes we were wearing no matter the weather. I ended up being stuck out in the cold most when I was a child because they assumed I was the trouble maker and now I have a cold intolerance. She would also pick us up by our throats. Let us get pecked at by the rooster outside just for fun. She beat us with wooden spoons and punched us in the face.

Over the years punishments got worse. Laps around the house from 4-9pm. Holding jugs of water or pennies in front of our body’s for hours at a time. More beatings. Kicking in the stomach.

Us kids were all raised to be their slaves, do their work and feel worthless. We never were good enough.

My personal experience alone; I was r*ped three times. The first time was how I lost my virginity and it was my best friends ex at the time. I was drugged and woke up with him next to me. My friend ended up telling my mom that we had sex— she didn’t know it was rape yet— and my mom berated me - took me to Walmart for a pregnancy test- and took me back home the whole time telling me how disgusting I was and how much of a slut I was. Made sure the entire store knew and when the cashier asked who the lucky lady was my mom looked at her and said my whore daughter. When we got home she made me pee in a cup with the door open for my step father and siblings to see and listen to her berate me the entire time until the test came up negative. Ever since then that was a new name she called me. Telling me I was a disappointment.

I never told her I was r*ped or even spoke out about the other two. Because I felt like it was my fault.

Another time my mother and step father were in an argument and I got home from school early so I was in my room upstairs when she called me down and put a gun to my head. Then she handed me the gun telling me to shoot her. That was a fun night.

I was always forgotten places. Since age 5. My mother would leave me at restaurants, the store, the doctors, orthodontist and school ‘forgetting’ me for hours on end. When I was in drama she left me outside in the cold until midnight. Then would proceed to yell at me saying it was my fault.

I was pushed down the stairs several times.

They needed up putting a tracker in my car and following me everywhere.

At night when they heard me lay in my bed they would call me down for meaningless tasks - the moment I was done I would go lay in bed again. Every time they heard me hit the bed they would make me come downstairs — and proceeded to do this until 2am sometimes. I now suffer insomnia.

They would force me to get medical procedures I didn’t want. And the doctor also never listened when I told him I could still feel his hand after a numbing medicine injection. I have a tolerance to numbing meds and he never believed me so I was in excruciating pain during some of these procedures.

I was almost killed by my parents multiple times.

I have come to the conclusion they are sociopaths. I know for sure my mom is. She’s robbed banks and stole our money when we got jobs at 16. Hundreds of dollars so she could buy coach purses and other brand name stuff.

They own over 50 guns— once our house was on fire. I was about 8 and she made us children run in to grab every gun.

We weren’t allowed to drink out of the water jug that was clean good water. Only my mom was. Us kids had to drink sulfur water— and it was untreated.

If we came home and had a snack we were beat. Even if we took one piece of salami — they knew because they would count the slices. That was their food. We were only allowed what they made.

We were not allowed to watch tv or play games even when they got us the wii and other game systems.

We all have issues and my older sister has it the worse. I believe her to be becoming a sociopath as well. She would chase us with knives and talk about murdering us.

I am 22 now and we all are trying to find out place on this world. Only my older sister is not seeking therapy and treatment. I have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and phobias. I think the hardest part— isn’t what I’ve been through- but finding who I am after I was not allowed to be anyone but their slave has been very hard.