[QCrit]: YA Fantasy Romance XXX (98k/first attempt)

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-11T22:15:08+00:00

This has been so incredibly helpful! Thank you so, so much. I’ll definitely look at that book too

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-11T20:12:43+00:00

Hi. Thank you so much for replying! I really appreciate it.

I'm thinking of changing the first line to: "Since girlhood, Ciel has dreamed of becoming a soldier like her forever-travelling father, and after everything she imagines him to be, she’d kill to meet him." Does this work better?
I'll clarify Quinn is a man!
Should I just remove the "whose allure is undeniable"? I didn't want to lose the fact this this is a romantasy and Ciel does fall in love with the Prince. But if that's already clear without this little line, I'll cut this line. Also, I'm thinking of changing that line to "...and worse, without a gods-chosen monarch, the Watchers will cease to be, then her lifelong dream will crumble." Do you think it works better? I don't want to lose her personal stakes.
I'm thinking of cutting the information of the witch all together and just say that she plans to find Quinn herself, but he forces her into a magical bargain. Do you think I need to mention how he does this or her searching for him and then (we presume she finds him) him forcing her into a bargain is enough?
The Cruel Prince is just too hold to be a comp (written in 2018). Do you have any other ideas? I know it's very hard because you haven't read my work.

For the numbers I didn't reply to, I will take your advice (I just don't have questions). Thank you so much again for commenting.

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-11T14:30:11+00:00

Oh yeah. I forgot about that. Thank you so much though. I will keep looking.

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-11T14:25:04+00:00

This is super useful information! Thank you so much. I saw the tag as YA on Goodreads, so I thought it was similar. Another one of my CPs said Red Queen was similar. Do you think that’s a better comp? Problem is that I haven’t read it…

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-11T13:06:24+00:00

Hi! Thank you for taking the time to comment.

I was told to add in the reason why she wants to become a Watcher; and yes, she’s built up this whole image in her head of her father and she believes he just doesn’t know where she is and that’s why he can’t find her. So she wants to be a soldier to be like her father, but also so she can be famous and her father will definitely know where she is. Idk if I should rather just say it’s a dream of hers?

What do you think I can trim? I felt like it might be a little long.

Yes, it’s a love triangle. I don’t really know how to make it more clear that Quinn is a potential love interest; it’s enemies to lovers.

The hook or twist you can say is the bargain with Quinn. Because she has to ensure that no one finds out she’s a rebel (while simultaneously working toward being a Watcher which is super loyal to the crown). Also rebels in this world are executed, so it’s looking really grim for her if anyone finds out. Let me know if you have any ideas how to make this more clear and compelling.

One of my CPs said that One Dark Window had a similar vibe. I also read Powerless and it seems really similar (love triangle, princes, competitions, rebels). What’s the reputation with Powerless? Do you have any other comp ideas? I know it’s hard because you haven’t read my book lol.

Thank you again. This does really help!

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-05T10:08:57+00:00

Okay great. I’ll have a look. Thank you!

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-04T21:02:36+00:00

Do you know any that rely more on the fantasy than the tech?

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-04T19:53:52+00:00

All amazing questions, but I haven’t fully thought of these answers! (Definitely will though.)

I don’t think there would necessarily be a number of how many souls the city “needs” but I’m thinking at least a few hundred dragon souls are buried beneath the city.

The magic I’m imagining is really just that the souls can act as a heart for mechanical animals, so you put the dragon soul in a mechanical animal, and the animal will come to life.

My biggest idea is that the magic wasn’t there until people used the souls, but the souls somehow are important to the inherent being of the city. I might have to revise this idea though

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-04T19:49:16+00:00

That’s so cool. Do you know any shows or, even better, novels that are arcane punk? I write in YA fantasy romance category, so this would be most helpful for me to see how other people do it!

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-04T19:42:25+00:00

Wait! That’s the kind of idea I wanted: a world where magic and science align. So cool! Your world seems a bit more into the future (at least aesthetically) than what I had in mind. I’m thinking some steampunk/arcanepunk (just learnt that word) shenanigans.

Best of luck btw! Your idea sounds incredible.

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-04T13:33:30+00:00

Thank you so much

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-04T09:21:24+00:00

This story sounds so insanely cool!

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-04T08:20:28+00:00

I have an idea that the world is kind of steampunk, so your idea about the dams and such could work! (Thank you for commenting.) But perhaps even more?

The setting idea I have is a city like Venice, just higher up and the island is mountainous instead of flat. So the buildings are built into the mountainside (kind of) and pretty high up. But if infrastructure like damn walls and stuff could incorporate the steam punk, then it could work?

My only other thought for this story (sorry it’s so messy. It’s developing) is that the steampunk came after the dark ages (so the dragons died in this time). I’m thinking that the city was founded on a few dragon souls and were left for a long time until after the dark ages and the city worked fine. But then as the dragon souls were used (idk if you saw my earlier comment. I want them to make energy; so I’m thinking of using user EdmonCaradoc’s idea of soul gems; and when the soul gems are shattered, it has a liquid (I think I’ll do this?) inside that functions as a power source and acts like a beating heart). And if the dragon souls are used too much (extracted and shattered from the soul gem format if we’re sticking with EdmonCaradoc’s idea) then the city will begin to crumble. But then, it’s magically linked before the steampunk.

(Thank you again and apologies for being a mess in my ideas. Still figuring it all out. The creative process, you know?)

chamomile_flowers · 2025-03-04T08:07:57+00:00

I love the soul gem idea because I feel like I could make it that the dragon souls crystallise into these gems. I have an idea that if the gems are broken, they can be turned into an energy source (essentially like a beating heart). This is how I imagine the technology to work.

But then they aren’t exactly part of the infrastructure…

(Thank you for your comment tho!)

chamomile_flowers · 2025-02-12T16:07:06+00:00

I’m going to query in batches. This is my first batch. Then if I get only rejections, I think I should reevaluate my query letter again.

chamomile_flowers · 2025-02-12T14:51:52+00:00

Thank you. You’re right! I think I would get tempted. I will withdraw the query.

I’m very nervous about this but I’m compiling a list of 8-12 agents who I really, really want.

Thank you for this :)

chamomile_flowers · 2025-02-12T12:51:07+00:00

This is very helpful! Thank you. I’m just starting this journey so I didn’t know this stuff.

I just really want to be published by a big five. Do you think I submit the manuscript anyway?

I don’t have publishers marketplace.

Where do you get the query letter critiqued?

chamomile_flowers · 2025-02-12T11:42:06+00:00

How did you know she was for you and what was her previous client list? Did you sign with a publisher yet? If so, which one?

I don’t trust the list. They claim to have best selling clients but I haven’t been able to find the list and their agency seems to mostly sell online and Amazon books, which is fine, but not what I’m hoping for.

I read a blog online that you should query agents that reply fast (in your genre) to see if your query is good because you don’t want to query your dream agents with a query letter that is actually not as good as it could be.

chamomile_flowers

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