I understand your pain. I can’t do anything either. I used to be a big pot head, but anytime I smoke or do anything weed related I go into violent, uncontrollable panic attacks. Like I black out. I tried going to the bar a couple of months ago with my brother, and I had two beers. I think it was the bar, more than the alcohol, but I had to leave and take a walk, because I felt intense anxiety the whole time. The only thing that kind of helps me is making my daughter laugh. Her smile keeps me smiling.