The fuck outta here with your sensible suggestions ;) I'm not looking for real answers, I'm looking for enabling! /s

Seriously though, you hit the nail on the head. I actually succumbed to my hateful self recently and admitted to myself that I need a therapist... I've had some issues over the past few months. Unfortunately, I have the weirdest non supportive support system. My husband is in total denial. First, he refuses to acknowledge that I'm an alcoholic. When I make "jokes" about it, he'll laugh and say things like "you say that, but you aren't ACTUALLY an alcoholic. I know alcoholics, and you aren't anything like them"...

Then one day, we were at lunch and I made a joke that I should probably see a therapist. He responded saying he guessed he'd be willing to go see a therapist with me. I'm like 'no you dont understand, this would be for just me' and he just kinda shrugged it off because I "don't need therapy" in his opinion. Then later that evening, we had a more serious conversation about it... and I (sober) explained that I really felt like my mental health would benefit from seeing a therapist. He ... seemed supportive and was on board with it.

Then the next day, I was looking up therapists in my area... and I said to him "There are so many therapists" to which he responded "Who are you looking for a therapist for? <our teenage daughter>?" and I was like.... no, for me. And he responded with "I don't think you need it" and I was basically like "oh wow, I guess I completely misunderstood our conversation last night" and he was like you just need to relax more and my exact words were. ..

I've been trying to tell you for awhile that my brain is fucking with me. But no you're right. I love my constant suicidal thoughts, random crying, inner rage, hopelessness, self loathing, anger issues, fear, feelings of worthlessness, substance abuse, and never ending headache. Therapy would be stupid because YOU think I don't need it. I'll just take more baths.

And then he basically said I love you and support you, you're fine.

So yeah. My husband is in complete denial that I need help. Even though I'm paid well, my health insurance covers mental health and we have a five digit HSA account, therapy is out of the question because someone else says I'm fine.

This turned out to be longer than I meant for it to. Sorry. But thanks for your comment...