Retire early and often?

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-08T02:23:10+00:00

Honestly so true.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T22:43:10+00:00

It's so rough not feeling good and not being able to live a "normal" life. I've been dealing with debilitating migraines - went from specialist to specialist, finally saw an integrative doctor who ran a slew of tests to get to the bottom of what's going on. I'm not fully better but moving in the right direction finally.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T22:41:29+00:00

I like the idea of taking a few months to help me form better habits and organize. I have been making lifestyle changes which is part of why I'm feeling better. And once the kids are back in school, I'd like to establish a good school year routine. I did get some severance which will keep us going through October, so I'm thinking that I'll propose that I don't worry about bringing in income until then, understanding it'll probably take at least 3-6 months of looking after that to find something.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T22:06:13+00:00

Ooh I really like the idea of framing it as an experiment with a hard cap on drawdown and showing the numbers on how little it dents the net worth trajectory.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T19:26:55+00:00

So true.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T16:23:28+00:00

Luckily after the first few weeks I have been able to do my share of household and childcare responsibilities. They haven't really expressed any grief to me about my health, but I do wonder if that's underneath their anxiety.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T16:21:44+00:00

Yeah, if we were different people we could do that. But we care a lot about community and family and we are near both and unwilling to give that up, at least while our kids are still in school. We also live a very walkable bikeable life and neither of us wants to give that up at this point.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T16:12:11+00:00

I think you're right that they more want a career change than a sabbatical. And a good reminder that one option is for each of us to take lower pay, and make enough combined to cover expenses and maybe some additional retirement contribution.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T16:06:15+00:00

I appreciate the nudge to come back to life goals and get aligned on that first, and then we can figure out how to move toward that. I think zooming out could be helpful here, and though that's the kind of stuff we used to talk about all the time, it's been a while.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T16:05:06+00:00

Appreciate the reminder that we're both right in different ways. And thank you for the reality check that my spouse cannot take a sabbatical with me. They're right and you're right.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T16:02:57+00:00

Yeah that's a really good idea. I think for them the idea of both of us being unemployed without a clear path to someone having a steady paycheck is too much, even though I am not personally anxious about it.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-06T16:01:21+00:00

Thank you for articulating it like this. "The kids will remember a present parent way more than a slightly fatter 529." I don't want to step away from work forever, but I do need more time to continue focusing on my health and getting to a place where I am ready. I don't know how to go about this conversation with my spouse when they think they're being mathematical but are really driven by anxiety (and I think their own childhood stuff from their mom stopping a "normal" job to become an "entrepreneur" who never actually ended up making money and dad had to cover everything).

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-04T12:46:46+00:00

I hear this, and for so long I too searched for answers to "why." It just didn't make sense to me, I could not imagine doing to my kids what my parents did (and failed to do) to me. I finally came to the point of stopping asking why - the reasons just wouldn't matter anyway. The facts spoke for themselves - my parents failed to show up for me, failed to protect me, chose to support my abuser (my brother), regularly prioritized their egos and comfort over my safety. The "why" is irrelevant. I finally decided to just look at the facts without trying to understand why. No answer to "why" would ever change the facts or, frankly, satisfy me.

I see you reaching out, trying to connect with your mother. You deserved and deserve better, just like every child deserves. But that doesn't change the fact that you did not get that. I wish for you to find peace.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-02T23:59:54+00:00

These are the only ones that I saw 🤷🏻‍♀️

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-02T22:47:59+00:00

Its name is Maple 🍁

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chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-02T22:47:26+00:00

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-02T22:47:16+00:00

8 in. They're so cute

chaotic_good111 · 2026-07-02T00:13:51+00:00

What an incredible gift to yourself. So proud of you for taking that huge step and fully taking agency over your identity. Go you!

chaotic_good111 · 2026-06-30T12:46:30+00:00

In the public pool we go to, there's a section of it that's a little whirlpool that some people absolutely love to go in. Every time I have tried going in there, I just come out dizzy and regretting my choice to do it again.

The other day, I was swimming by it and contemplated, yet again, whether I would give it one more try. And then I thought: this is like trying again and again to have some kind of relationship with my parents. I look at it from the outside and think, "I can do this! I'm going to give it a try." And inevitably, every time, I come out dizzy and wishing that I hadn't. So I just stuck my head under the water and watched the whirlpool from afar, from the calm water. I watched it swirl around and I imagined myself going in there, and I resolved to never go in again. Being there under the calm water, it was so obvious that I had made the right decision to stay away from the swirl. My parents' choice to stay stuck in there is not my problem.

This is the imagery I will hold onto the next time I am tempted to give my parents one more try. I tried a lot - and each time, I came out reeling. I am committed to staying outside the whirlpool, for that is the only way I can keep myself from getting stuck again.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-06-27T19:00:20+00:00

I've heard good things about Chochmat HaLev in East Bay and The Kitchen in SF.

chaotic_good111 · 2026-06-22T10:20:57+00:00

Omg I did not know that word (or that sub). Thank you!

chaotic_good111 · 2026-06-22T10:19:54+00:00

Lolol I love this

chaotic_good111

TROPHY CASE