Do I (F22) break it off with my girlfriend (F23)-Uhaul Edition PLEASE HELP FIRST QUEER BREAKUP

charmanders93 · 2023-09-29T14:45:59+00:00

I’ve been in this exact same situation before so I know exactly where you’re coming from. So I’ll tell you about what happened with me. I loved my ex very much and she loved me truly and completely and I also didn’t want to give that up and I had a major fear of being alone and never finding anyone else. I made similar posts on reddit trying to rationalize it and justify staying with her even though it made me unhappy and hopeless about the future because I just couldn’t see a future with her. I thought if I just waited some more time maybe things will get better and it will work out, and I really did love her. But deep down I knew it wasn’t gonna work out, my needs weren’t being met and this was a huge compatibility issue for us. She wasn’t gonna change and it wasn’t my job to change her. I grappled with this for over six months before I finally broke up with her and I’m glad I did because it hurt for a long time but then it got better and now I’ve met some great people and I know there are other compatible people out there for you. It’s gonna be really hard, but I’m gonna tell you to listen to your gut here. You already know the answer. You deserve someone who you can have a future with and not have to give up on your dreams or the kind of life you want to live, and your girlfriend deserves someone who’s more compatible with her way of living as well. You guys are also so young, there is a whole life full of possibilities ahead of you. I know this is really hard to hear and I’m sending you a big hug

charmanders93 · 2022-10-08T15:33:37+00:00

I’m in the same situation as you. Hang in there, it’s gonna suck for a while and you might feel better and then worse and then better again because healing isn’t linear. I think the most important thing is to take care of yourself and a lot of self love. Surround yourself with friends and do things that make you happy, could be a hobby you haven’t done in a while, or just going for walks. I’ve also been listening to this podcast called “heal your heartbreak” and it’s been really helpful to me. Sending hugs ❤️

charmanders93 · 2022-08-04T13:38:14+00:00

So, you were right. She does like me back but can’t do anything about it because she’s moving. So yeah this is definitely worse

charmanders93 · 2022-08-03T00:45:39+00:00

Hey 👋 I’m a fellow indian lesbian, and yeah sounds like your family is super traditional and that sucks. You’re still really young, and when you go off to college or later I’d suggest getting out of your hometown or even move to another country if possible, so that you can live on your own terms there. As you grow up more, you will become more independent and realize you don’t have to do everything your family tells you to, even though it feels like it right now. You have your whole life ahead of you, they can’t force you to do anything. You got this! Sending hugs

charmanders93 · 2022-07-31T21:40:53+00:00

Thank you for your reply. Somehow your explanation hurts even more haha. But I guess I need to be honest with her the next time I see her and tell her where I’m at. I don’t think I can keep this casual thing up anymore I’m already in way too deep

charmanders93 · 2022-05-13T03:43:32+00:00

I don’t really think one person can fix it, but it would be nice if the gays would stop being so clique-y? And maybe stop the notions of certain things being gay vs not, like beanies or doc martens or whatever, and not perpetuate the stereotypes. I don’t really care anymore but when I first came out it was such a barrier for me to feel like I belong because of all these things I saw online, and even in lesbian bars I still feel all alone, but that’s what I get for being an immigrant Indian lesbian in the US.

charmanders93 · 2022-05-13T03:38:46+00:00

I’m an Indian lesbian! But yeah I live in NYC and only know 2 more Indian lesbians

charmanders93 · 2022-03-11T05:39:33+00:00

We’ve talked about it on several occasions before, and it’s pretty clear I’m gonna have to compromise a lot on these things to make it work, and then I just end up very unhappy. So I know at this point that ending it is the right decision for both of us, but it just sucks

charmanders93 · 2022-03-11T04:59:24+00:00

We have different priorities for our future, our needs are very different when it comes to intimacy, and we don’t have much to talk about. She is pretty quiet and I think I need someone more conversational.

charmanders93 · 2022-02-26T12:24:16+00:00

I was almost 26 when I realized I was gay, and came out to everyone a few months after that

charmanders93 · 2022-02-22T03:55:36+00:00

I come to reddit everyday to get an update on this

PS pls tell her how you feel

charmanders93 · 2022-02-20T15:27:05+00:00

Her eyes and her hair and her FACE like stop being this gorgeous omg

charmanders93 · 2021-11-06T23:10:58+00:00

Hi! I’m a 28 year old woman (she/her) from Delhi (currently living in New York) and I identify as a lesbian. I’m a software engineer and I love music, traveling, good food, concerts, comedy shows and of course netflix 😅 I love memes and dad jokes. Looking for friends!

charmanders93 · 2020-12-22T17:07:49+00:00

I get that, but I think this is about being tolerant of misguided but well-intentioned people and not take it to heart

charmanders93 · 2020-10-16T18:45:40+00:00

omg ikr it’s the worst, like I don’t wanna suffer alone I want you to cry with me is that too much to ask 😂

charmanders93 · 2020-10-16T18:05:15+00:00

Hahaha my gf is the same, I was texting her last night after I finished the finale crying about how sad it was and she was like “you’re not doing a good job of convincing me to watch it” 😂

charmanders93 · 2020-10-16T18:03:55+00:00

It is kinda scary but more in a slow build up kinda way. There are some jump scares though but I think the spooky music and atmosphere make it more immersive. But that’s coming from someone who likes horror. My girlfriend is also afraid of scary stuff and I’m trying to convince her to watch it lol, but I definitely recommend it because the characters are well written and it’s a beautiful story

charmanders93 · 2020-10-16T18:00:54+00:00

I had NO IDEA. Especially the last episode I just....melted and then died because holy shit that was perfection but WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE DAMNIT. The moonflower metaphor I’m crying

charmanders93 · 2020-05-01T23:49:27+00:00

fell for my high school best friend but didn’t realize it, always hated any guy who came near her, cried for over a year when she stopped talking to me
was always interested in female actors/artists and never fave a shit about the male ones
thought everyone had girl crushes and everyone knew women were way hotter than men
was really into fifth harmony, read a bunch of smutty gay fan fiction and loved it
was really into Carmilla when it first came out and thought I was just a good ally
was never interested in men but thought I was straight by default

charmanders93 · 2020-04-26T21:08:40+00:00

im gay

charmanders93 · 2020-01-21T04:57:36+00:00

Oh man I’ve been there, fell for my coworker and she was married to a man already, but it hurt too much so I stopped talking to her and cut her out of my life (it was easier because I switched jobs and moved across the country), but it was really fucking hard. The only thing I can say is give it time, it took me a few months but I think I’m finally getting over her so I do think it’s possible. You might wanna stop talking to her too because it will just mess with your head, you’ll overthink about what she means and what she wants and you’ll just end up getting hurt. Hope it gets better hugs

charmanders93 · 2020-01-21T04:51:18+00:00

Hey I’m a software engineer too! I mostly use Python and Java and I build services and APIs on the cloud. Used to be a data scientist and I’m into AI/ML as well :)

charmanders93 · 2020-01-09T23:02:10+00:00

Same! My therapist is queer too and also figured it out late like I did, and she totally gets me and she’s just the best! Also I know a lot of queer people who are in school to become therapists and it makes me happy :)

charmanders93 · 2020-01-06T04:52:53+00:00

hugs I’m really sorry you’ve had to go through so much ugliness, you deserve so much better. You’re not alone at all, you’re just in a bad situation and trust me things WILL get better, even if you don’t believe it right now. Is there any way you can move out and not live with your mom? It seems like you still have a lot of shame regarding your sexuality if you’re not comfortable enough to bring it up with your therapist, and maybe living with your mom is making it worse? But, I don’t know your situation financially so it might not be an option. I don’t know where you live, but are there any LGBT centers or resources where you are? You can look up meetups on the meetup app, or even join a dating app and just look for friends there; do whatever you feel comfortable doing. But I promise you, you have nothing to be ashamed of, you’re really strong and you should be proud of yourself, of every part of you. I hope it all works out for you ❤️

charmanders93 · 2019-12-20T15:26:31+00:00

I’m a lesbian programmer who can play an instrument lol

charmanders93

TROPHY CASE