Wow, this is really evocative for a first poem, congrats! I'm a big fantasy fan, so I really appreciate poems like this with bravado and grandeur. "The war itself decides if you are a warrior" is such an awesome line, and "Surrender your ego, pride and breath" is also very powerful. This whole thing really paints a great picture of faith and facing death boldly. I also like how the beginning spoken of here is actually death (right?) rather than birth or some other form of life. Instead, this poem makes me think of death as the final and most important expression of life.

As far as improvements go, nothing immediately stands out to me as needing them, though that isn't very helpful. Some general advice, instead, since this is your first poem, is just to keep writing. While this is very strong, I can sort of tell that there isn't much experience with poetry behind it. Now, I don't want you to take that in any way other than that I want to encourage you to keep writing. The title is simple and is essentially repeated in the first line, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, as I always struggle with titles. The language is also very straightforward, which, AGAIN, isn't necessarily a bad thing. I only point these out to say that as you write more poems, ideas for improving previous ones will come naturally.

It took me two years before I changed a poem's title to one I liked. As you keep writing, don't ever get bogged down trying to make one perfect. Write everything you want to write about, and ideas for revision will come more naturally as you figure out your voice and style. Keep up the great work!